Missing Everone!

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

It feels good to be back in the blog world. I do apologize for my absence. A lot has happened over the past several months.

No, I haven't taken the exam as of yet. However, as of next saturday (exactly a week from today), the plan is to get back to studying hard.

Well, it's over...finally. I'm happy, I'm relieved and I've move on. I lost the house. It's not a bad thing. It was a five year battle that is finally over with. By the time it was over, it was no longer about sentimentality. Apparently, the representative that was originally working on my account at the agency, had some disagreements with the way things were being done. He decided to branch out on his own. He opened his own business. In the meantime, the next rep to take over my account placed my account into a program that I did not qualify for which meant declining the offer that the bank had given me. That was a huge bad move. We fought for another year or so, but the damage was done. 

We are looking at getting my money back from the agency. I was fortunate to locate a house on my same street to move into. I wanted to down size since my own children have all move out, but the location was the priority in order to keep all my daycare clients. It's a huge house, but a beautiful one. I am renting and won't buy a home anytime soon. The landlord rented to me totally on character! I am sooo blessed! I now have a foreclosure on my credit. Along with that, I have the daycare and two dogs. The landlord really liked me! I am soo appreciative!

All is well. We moved during the holidays, took us four weekends. All of us had to work during the week. My boys really came through for their mother :-). I've been in the new home approximately one month and one week. My bank accounts are totally drained dry, but I will rebuild in due time. It's taking some time for some of the daycare kids' payment schedules to transfer because they are on subsidized programs. Income is a bit slow for them, but that should be straight by next week.

I've had a tremendous amount of support from friends and family. I feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I even managed to get my new mattress set off the payment plan and I am sleeping better. Yes, I'm off to a new start with determination.

My next goal is to study and pass this exam. I owe it to myself even if I pass and walk away from it. I MUST get past it. My boss at the agency wants to open two more offices, on in New York and another in Florida. They want me to eventually run this office in California. A lot to think about. I just want to pass the exam. Taking on the office is to big to think about right now lol. 

Glad to be back....positive thoughts and prayers my friends! :-) 

Today turned out quite productively.  It was a rough beginning, but I pulled through!  When I loaded up the kids to go to the bank, my lower back spazed as I lifted a 7 month old baby into her carseat. 

I ate a good breakfast, studies during the kids' naptime and took a walk around the block this evening before taking a hot bath. My walk was very slow with an occasional pause due to my back hurting. Even managed some weights and stretches after my bath. 

Have the heat pad waiting for me lol!  I just wanted to make a post before heading to bed.

Sleep well everyone!  Positive thoughts and prayers! :-)

It's Been Quite A While

A lot has happened since my last post. It's been a busy few months. A few rough spots and some not so rough spots.

I'm still working my internship on saturdays. I arranged both the day care and the internship to allow me to take a break by splitting up a five day week throughout the year. I've taken 5 holiday weekends (which were previously arranged as 3-day weekends) and made them into 4-day weekends. So that is a really good thing. In fact, if the budget works out, we are planning to drive the motorhome to San Francisco to visit family that I haven't seen in about 6 years!

Yes, the motorhome is finally up and running nice and strong! Yaaay! We took it to my son's football team's beach party a few weeks ago. The party was on saturday and we went up there on friday night to spend the night. We stayed till sunday. It was really, really fun!

As for the internship, I "think" I have all of my 3000 hours. I'm hesitant to tally them, lol, because that would mean it's time to study for the exam! lol! I will have to take 2, 4 hour exams. That's a lot of material to cover.

My daughter completed her credential programs. There are not jobs available for her as a teacher so she is opening her own day care! This is very exciting! She has been certified and is licensed. She cleaned up the front of her house and has received many compliments from the City. We passed out flyers at the nearby elementary school. The first day of passing out the flyers, she got an interested mother of 4 kids! lol! She put in her 2 week notice to her job last night. This means, in 2 weeks, I will finally have my evenings and weekends free! Yaaay! I love my grandson dearly, but Nana needs her evenings and weekends to recuperate lol! Yes, I'm still looking after my grandson in the evenings while she has been going to work.

So, I think I will wait till my daughter opens her day care and my grandson will be with her. This will free up my time for studying for the exam...after I enjoy some quiet evening and weekend time lol!

My youngest son is now a senior at school. So, I am anticipating all the expensive activities for him lol! He's had some rough spots last year too. The school counselor convienced him to take advance courses, while he was in football. It was too much for him. His grades were 4 D's. We managed to get 3 of them back up but that last class he will have to take over at some time in the process. This year they tried it again. I already sent the Principal an email. If I don't hear from him in a few days, I will call him....in fact, I will attempt to get a hold of him today.

I finally had the day care van painted. It looks sooooo much better! I've actually received a few phone calls from it. This picture doesn't show the advertisements on the windows, but she has new tires too. She finally runs great!

Well, that's pretty much an update...the short version of how things have been. I do apologize for being absent from everyone.

Positive thoughts!

What To Do With Myself

It has been along while since I've blogged.  I'm having a flood of thoughts lately.  Lots of adjustments to be made.  In one minute, I'm slow and depressed.  In another, I'm full of energy and feeling great.  Really not sure what to do with myself.  Most of the time, I am bored and really do not want to be responsible.  Often my brain is blank and my body doesn't want to put forth the effort to do what needs to be done.  Even when I am able to muster up ideas and plans to do them, the old body doesn't cooperate...no motivation what so ever.  I've gained 6 pounds and I can feel every bit of it; when I walk I feel heavy and my clothes have much less room in them.  I feel I've become quite lazy.

I think much of my problem is boredom.  Either I stay isolated and prevent myself from feeling excessively tired or I stretch out, create a life of fun, still be tired but having had fun in the process.  I'm working on the last point.  I don't like change and I don't transition well.  My children have told me I have to make an effort to get past my comfort zone to try new things. I did go skating with my daughter and had an absolutely wonderful time.  It was on a tues. It was over at 11pm but we ended up stopping in the parking lot and talking to one of her friends until almost 2:30, arriving home about 3am and getting up for work the next day at 5am! lol!  It was definitely fun and we agreed not to stay and socialize to the late hours lol!

On the other hand, all is well.  All of my young adult children are doing well in their own lives.  They are learning to be adults and doing a good job.  For that I am most truly thankful.  When my children are doing well, most other things I can handle.

I'm trying to eat better and to start my exercise schedule.  I believe once I get both these started, I will have more energy and lose the weight.  Six pounds may not sound like much, but it really is.  I am definitely a stress eater, especially sweets.  Fast food doesn't help either.  It's been pretty hot and cooking is not something I care to do this time of the year.  My son went grocery shopping for me, with my list.  Saved me a huge task.  So, I should be off to a good start next week.

I don't mean to complain.  I figure putting my thoughts in writing might help to sort myself out, if that makes sense.  My efforts this upcoming week will be to eat "at home" and impliment an exercise regime.

Positive thoughts and prayers!

Been Having Difficult Times

The past few months have been pretty tough. Everything is catching up to me. With the internship, I am required, and I "want" to, take classes to stay refreshed as issues, diagnosis and theories change. The Board preferres this to be done in an actual classroom, which is really inconvenient. I work the day care monday through friday 5:30am to 6pm (occasionally 10pm) and work at the agency "all" day on saturday. Remember, I also have my grandson, now 2 and half years old, at night till the next morning.

Though it sounds insane, I've decided to expand the day care and hire assistants. I've been in process of this for the past month or two as well. My reason?.... Well, to begin with, I need the income for the modification process on the house. They want me to make more money, to be more stable in my income. Also, having assistants makes a "HUGE" difference in the day care. I've been doing day care for 23 years and have never had an assistant. I am isolated and very bored. Having "adult" company, conversation and help makes a difference. In order to pay the assistants & maintain my finances, I have to take on more kids. It really does work well.

So, as you can see, my days are quite full. At the same time, I am quite worn out. Also as a part of the internship, I am required to seek therapy for myself which I began yesterday evening. Apparently, I am having significant anxiety as I have no support for myself in terms of a boyfriend or husband, friends, family nearby, etc.

As far as I can remember, I've always been a loner, a Type A personality. I've tried having friends, but it seems their problems seem to take priority over the friendship itself. I become their personal counselor. The tendency is not to be reciprocated. I get phone calls of them in distress or crying and wanting me to help them "figure out what to do". Been this way since high school. I quickly figured out, friends are not truly friends.

Two of my kids are having their issues as well. Too much to go into right now.

On a positive note, we finally moved my grandson into his own room this past weekend! Yaaay! I did not realize how his being in my room was impacting me so much. I felt so restricted; couldn't watch certain programs on t.v., t.v. had to be low, had to tip toe to the bathroom for a bath, to brush my teeth or to pottie, even getting up in the morning was restricted! He transitioned really, really well. He had a whole set up in my room with his bed and his toys with a shelf and child size table. I "finally" have "my" space back! LOL! I love him dearly, but Nana needs her space too. He actually plays in "his room" too. He says, "Nana, that's my room!"

In therapy, we are going to discuss how to reduce my anxiety. Interesting how I can help others with this very process, but can't seem to help myself....hmmmm

Having a Moment...

Not sure what's going on with myself, but I'm feeling so discontent right now. Often, my feelings are related to a person or situation. Right now, I want to be totally left alone for at least a day...ideally for the entire weekend. It's moments like this that I truly wish my motorhome was up and ready to go. I haven't had a chance to get her smogged and the alignment done. Those are the only things she's waiting to have done. Time is a major factor. A few days at the beach, doing nothing but relaxing in the sunshine and just the thing I need right now...sigh*~ This is not a good picture of her. Shortly after this picture was taken, I got her new wheel covers (instead of old towels..lol) and had the roof resealed and the vents replaced.

I've been doing alot these past few weeks. Being at the agency all day saturdays, though very enjoyable with a great boss, is beginning to catch up with me. My son is not making things any better. I have 3 kids in the day care that are transitioning out. I really think I need time to stand still for a few days.

No, not really depressed. Think I am more tired than anything.

So Much Going On Lately

So much has been going on lately. I'm doing good with staying focused, but I've been so exhausted lately. The changes in the day care are working well. Having staff is very nice. It's nice to have "adult" company and the extra eyes and hands around. It really does take a lot of the stress off of me...lol.

I am getting ready to loose about 3 kids. One is going to special needs pre-K school for his language skills. Another is moving to another city up north. The last one is "supposed" to be leaving for his great grandmother to look after him so she can quit her job at Walmart. For the first one, I have a part time child who may go full time. For the last one, I have a baby lined up to begin in April. I've been doing my advertising for the final one. I really think things will work out fine. I may have to be without a child for a minute, but I think it will be fine.

My youngest son has his appointment to get his driver's license. He has been doing very well in his driving skills. Now school, on the other hand, is a whole different subject. He is improving his grades...been on restriction since the second week of December...lol. Yes, it bothers me as a mother to not allow him to go out with his friends, get on the computer, watch t.v. or play game station. However, it has taken this long for him to realize, Mom is serious.

My middle son has truly hurt my heart. He spent one night in jail for a DUI. I cried all day sunday. He has to go to court in May. He is doing his research and I may have to get an attorney. He has "finally" agreed to go to counseling and AA. He said this has gotten his attention. I truly hope so. This is going to be an expensive journey. I am extremely dissappointed and fearful.

The agency where I am doing my intern hours is getting pretty busy. It's kind of tough though because I don't have the time to increase my hours. With the daycare, I don't have the flexibility to be at the agency beyond saturdays. When I spoke with my boss today, she wants to make me partner, but I'm not sure how that will work along with the daycare. The daycare is my sole source of income right now. I really don't want to close it right now. I'm hoping I can have staff run it for a few hours a day while I go to the agency. Just a thought.

Overall, I'm doing pretty good. I must stay on top of my schedule and routine. Being tired is not a good thing. Tonight calls for a nice long, hot bath with bath salts and candles!...lol!

Happy thoughts and prayers!....:-)