Out of the Loop

I've been out of the loop for awhile.

Still going back and forth to San Diego to take care of my cousin. He is participating better with physical therapy. He is in a nursing home at this point. As we are having to handle his bills and his home, we are learning things have not been what they "appeared" to be.

He wants others to believe he is a "big shot" when really he isn't. Really kind of sad. He is an extremely depressed man. He kind of got stuck when his father died. He finally confirmed that verbally. While staying in the nursing home, he can't get away from his thoughts. So, he is having a flood of emotions surrounding issues he has been avoiding for many, many years. Often times, we go to see him and he is quite emotional with tears and rambling.

We did get the Power of Attorney signed so that we can pay his bills and have the roof and ceiling repaired. We can also get his car out of the repair shop too.

This past weekend, I had to be very, very patient. He has become verbally abusive. Apparently, he had seen an eye doctor just before he became sick who told him he has mild catarax. In addition, he had just had his dental partial adjusted but it is hurting his mouth. Well, on sunday afternoon, he was trying to "demand" to be taken to the eye doctor and the dentist.

I tried to explain to him that an appointment has to be made and we can take him, but that nothing could be done on a sunday. All the businesses are closed on sunday. He raised his voice and told me to take him "Now! or to be quiet!" At that point, we were sitting outside in the beautiful weather, I decided to take him back to his room, return him to his bed and prepared to leave.

I live an hour away and had arranged to stay in San Diego for the weekend to be there for him. I was done. I understand he is frustrated, but you don't bite the hand that feeds you! Grrrr!!! I have set my own family and household aside for the past 3 weeks to travel to him, to deal with staff and all his needs. I think I will take a break this upcoming weekend.

In between taking care of my cousin, my two oldest boys having been having a few issues of their own. My oldest of the two, who was living with their dad, finally had enough of dad and got put out of his house. My son is staying with a friend while looking for a second job so he can purchase a car and get a place of his own. He doesn't want to come back to Lake Elsinore. He'd rather stay in San Diego. I admire his determination. I believe he will be fine.

My other son, second oldest of my boys, was driving on the freeway, to work, when his whole wheel came off of his car. Said it was something about the bearings. Yes, he is ok. He was able to retrieve the tire that was still on the rim. We had him towed to his job which is a mechanic place. The part he needs to fix it is no longer available so he has to go to the junk yard and get it. In the meantime, he is driving my car to school and work....Good thing I got it fixed huh? Lol!

On a positive note, my daughter should be able to purchase her first house in a few months. This is very exciting. She is doing well in her credential program for becoming a teacher as well. My youngest boy, is doing well too.

My very small motorhome is finally repaired and ready to get new tires, well used tires...they are cheaper. I little bit at a time so I won't spend too much money. It"s been in repair for about 3 months cause I am paying a little bit at a time. The day care is doing well, has been stable for the past few months. I've just paid the last month of the trial period for the mortgage modification. We will see what happens next.

Yesterday, I was extremely anxious. Anxiety is not good. I was so bad until I called to make an appointment with a therapist. I feel really good about that. I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately and depressed. I think my cousin is bringing up some old issues for me as well.

Well, I will do my best to stay in touch. Positive thoughts and prayers!