Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Been Having Difficult Times

The past few months have been pretty tough. Everything is catching up to me. With the internship, I am required, and I "want" to, take classes to stay refreshed as issues, diagnosis and theories change. The Board preferres this to be done in an actual classroom, which is really inconvenient. I work the day care monday through friday 5:30am to 6pm (occasionally 10pm) and work at the agency "all" day on saturday. Remember, I also have my grandson, now 2 and half years old, at night till the next morning.

Though it sounds insane, I've decided to expand the day care and hire assistants. I've been in process of this for the past month or two as well. My reason?.... Well, to begin with, I need the income for the modification process on the house. They want me to make more money, to be more stable in my income. Also, having assistants makes a "HUGE" difference in the day care. I've been doing day care for 23 years and have never had an assistant. I am isolated and very bored. Having "adult" company, conversation and help makes a difference. In order to pay the assistants & maintain my finances, I have to take on more kids. It really does work well.

So, as you can see, my days are quite full. At the same time, I am quite worn out. Also as a part of the internship, I am required to seek therapy for myself which I began yesterday evening. Apparently, I am having significant anxiety as I have no support for myself in terms of a boyfriend or husband, friends, family nearby, etc.

As far as I can remember, I've always been a loner, a Type A personality. I've tried having friends, but it seems their problems seem to take priority over the friendship itself. I become their personal counselor. The tendency is not to be reciprocated. I get phone calls of them in distress or crying and wanting me to help them "figure out what to do". Been this way since high school. I quickly figured out, friends are not truly friends.

Two of my kids are having their issues as well. Too much to go into right now.

On a positive note, we finally moved my grandson into his own room this past weekend! Yaaay! I did not realize how his being in my room was impacting me so much. I felt so restricted; couldn't watch certain programs on t.v., t.v. had to be low, had to tip toe to the bathroom for a bath, to brush my teeth or to pottie, even getting up in the morning was restricted! He transitioned really, really well. He had a whole set up in my room with his bed and his toys with a shelf and child size table. I "finally" have "my" space back! LOL! I love him dearly, but Nana needs her space too. He actually plays in "his room" too. He says, "Nana, that's my room!"

In therapy, we are going to discuss how to reduce my anxiety. Interesting how I can help others with this very process, but can't seem to help myself....hmmmm