Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Kinda Bummed

I'm feeling kinda bummed today. The reality of not having enough kids is setting in. I do have a plan, but it means things will be quite tight once again. I am working hard not to feel discouraged.

Being pre-pms doesn't help either. Yes, I am one of those emotional types. It really is a bummer. The slightest thing can bring a huge flow of tears! It is soooo annoying. I consider myself to be a strong person, one who does what she has to do to handle situations. I don't like feeling so overwhelmed with emotion to the point of crying. All I could do with such intense feelings was to go into my closet and pray!

I have "symptoms" of fibromyalsia. I say symptoms because though I can feel these symptoms, I refuse to admit or accept to full diagnosis of this disorder. I say this because it is a degenerative disorder. When people ask what it is, I tell them it is to the muscles what arthritis is to the joints. It can be quite painful. Headaches/migraines are common. It effects the eyes as well. Most common areas of pain are at the base of the head, the neck, the shoulders and the back. The wrists and hands have their share as well. Fatigue and depression go hand in hand and can be extreme and extremely frustrating. This disorder can weaken the muscles to the point of becoming disabled. To accept this is very scary for me. Therefore, I nurture the symptoms very early.

One might say, "Well, I have those sypmptoms." Most of us experience tension or stress in these areas of the body. If you find that the syptoms are lingering long after the stress has been resolved, you might want to visit your doctor. The pain can be a low, constant throb to an intense tightening or acking knot in a particular muscle. Your eyes will feel as if you are looking through a haze or fog. You will definitely know if you have it. It is different from every day tension in the neck.

Well, I've complained enough. I try to stay busy as to not focus on what I am feeling. I have to balance the kids with my physical discomfort. I think I have pretty good system. Must get started. Kids are starting to arrive.