Monday, December 7, 2009

In My Absence

I've been spending some time thinking about alot of things, mainly my place in life. For a while now, things have seemed so out of control. It's really not a good feeling. I've been taking some time to really slow down and try to get my thoughts together. Not an easy task.

I've started journaling again to try to trace, and keep track of, my thoughts. I have always liked the physical act of writing. Putting my thoughts on paper makes me a little uncomfortable as someone might accidently get a hold of them. However, I do find it quite helpful. My other tool is that of prayer. Yes, I am a strong Christian with very strong faith. I've been attempting to get back into crotcheting as well. It has always proven relaxing for me. It also allows me to think things through. Quite naturally, my hot baths always do the trick for relaxation.

Basically, I think I have been fighting against myself, kind of throwing an emotional trantrum i.e. depression, grumpy, irritable, isolation when I can, etc. Not a good feeling. My grandmother would always say, "If you don't like the way you feel, then change it." I just wasn't happy with anything. Seem like I just "wanted" to be that way, then be upset for doing so!
I've been slowing down and looking directly at those things that cause me ill feelings. I think much of it stems from the condition of the world, the government and the effects on us as everyday people, from taxes to mortgages. I can only do what I can in my own little world. My effort is to try to see exactly what it is or why "it" causes me to feel that way. I've been listening very intensely at the experiences of other people. Like everyone else, I have my share, however, there's always someone who's worse off than you. I've been watching and listening at how others handle hardship. My faith restores my hope.

It's just one step at a time. When I feel frustrated, I stop and talk to myself in effort to calm myself. I've only gotten a hand on this during the past week or so. I do feel alot better.

Much prayer and positive thoughts :)