Thursday, November 19, 2009


I must say, I am having a time of struggles for the past few days. I just can't figure out my motivation. I had a long discussion with my sister about what I can do about doing more in the daycare. We talked about my motivation when I did child care back when my kids were young and I was still married; how things are different with me doing child care today.

Back then, as a married couple, we made a long term family plan. It included completing education, careers, children and purchasing our first home. All went according to plan even after the divorce. I had completed my Bachelors in Psychology for children before we married. That is how my mother trained us. Complete your education first.

We knew we wanted four kids. We wanted our values impressed upon thier early years. In order to do that, we wanted me to be an at-home mom. To combine being an at-home mom with my desire to work with children, I came up with the idea of having a daycare in our home, which was quite successful. From there, after our youngest would go to kindergarten, I would return to school (with the support of my ex husband) for my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and become a child therapist, which also was successful until I lost my job.As a result of having lost my job as a therapist, I am back doing day care again.

I believe the manner in which this came about is why I am feeling stuck. It was not my "choice", my "plan", my "direction". My direction was taken from me by circumstances of a supervisor who caused me to loose my job due to her lack of knowledge about her own job. She was fired shortly after terminating me.

I feel by now, I should have dealt with this, however, the effects have been a long term struggle for my family and my finances. Almost lost my house after not being able to find employment for 9 months. I have no benefits, dental or medical. Fortunately, my kids are on their dad's coverage.

Overall, I simply do not feel stable. Families are struggling all over the world. Kids are here today and gone tomorrow. My income fluxuates, has become unreliable. Constantly feeling that my life can fall apart again. I'm still looking for jobs just in case, but no responses yet. I even have a day care ready to enroll my grandson should I do find a job.

All this to say, I lack motivation and have a tendency towards depression. It's a struggle to maintain my thoughts. I struggle to put on my happy face for the kids each day. I usually have an overwhelming feeling of sadness...sometimes fear.

Positive thoughts...