Thursday, August 20, 2009

A Comment Today

My daughter made a comment to me today that kinda hurt my feelings. She said I did not do some of the the things that I would like to do because I am 'lazy'.

I never thought of myself as a lazy person. I will admit, I do lack motivation these days. Perhaps this means that I am lazy. She made reference to how I dress. I wear sweats and old t-shirts every day. Yes, I look quite unattractive, but I work with children all day.

A few months ago, she actually took me to the store and bought me a few pairs of pants and several shirts to interchange with the pants. She even bought me a nice pair of tennis shoes. I felt bad when she reminded me. Maybe she's right. It takes effort to look nice 'everyday'.

It just got me to thinking about 'why' I don't take the time to invest in my appearance. I'm not sure whether I lack the confidence or the necessary means to make myself attractive. These days, money is a factor to everything. I feel exhausted much of the time. Often times, I am in pain. I'm constantly working on finances, from home modifications to groceries, not to mention everything inbetween. I deal with a multitude of kids on a 'daily basis'. It takes too much brain work to consider my appearance when I spend 90% of my life in my home.

I don't have a problem with my appearance until I go out in public. Those are the times I actually invest in my appearance.....well, sometimes :). I really don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't need any added entities in my!, from being invited to places, to making new friends to attracting the opposite sex. Going places cost money. I honestly can't afford new outfits, concert tickets, buying drinks and/or dinner, etc. I simply can't afford it, so I avoid it all together.

Though I don't think she intended to hurt my feelings, it really did hurt alot. I truly try not to complain. However, I feel those around me, friends & family, do not understand. I have grown accustomed to pretty much to keeping to myself. Unless others walk in another person's shoes, they really don't understand. When one tries to explain, others tend to hear what they want to hear and become quite critical. I've been in such situations many times. Explaining just doesn't work.

I think my daughter feels that I am unhappy. Sometimes, I am. Buying the clothes is her way of trying to give Mom a taste of happiness. Her way of making Mom feel better. I do not want her carrying that burden. It is not her job to take care of me...not until I'm in a convalescent home :). I love her for caring about her mother...sniff*

I've always had an underlying current of depression since I was about 16 years old. I have come to accept it. I work around it in my daily life by keeping my world simple and uncluttered. Sometimes, I do good just to make it through the day.

Sometimes, others just do not understand. We can only do our best with what we have. Yes it hurt, but I really don't think she meant any harm....I love her for caring.


lori vliegen said...

as a fellow member of the jeans-and-t-shirt club, i understand how you feel! many days i don't want to think too much about what i'm going to wear because i know that i'll be in my studio most of the day and why does it matter? but then when my husband comes home, i wish i looked a little nicer for him. i'm sorry that your feelings are hurt. i don't think that your daughter meant to hurt your's just a difference of opinion, that's all. :)

Polly said...

I guess what you need to think of Pres, is how you feel? If you are happy in your sweats and comfortable then who care's, its what is on the inside that counts.
In saying that, I do feel alot better about myself when I take time with my appearance, so If Im having a bad day I will always make that little bit of extra effort.
Really when you have long days and are working with kids, you have to be comfortable, and sweats are practical, so I definitely see where you are coming from there.
I hope you are ok, Im sure your daughter meant well, she probably just didn't word it very well.

presious said...

Lori and Polly,

You two are such dears :). I agree with you both. I do believe I can make a bit of an effort, but it really seems like a waste of time. I really don't have a social life and no significant other. I just have kids.

Yes, my daughter tends to be a bit straight forward and brash in her expressions, but that's just her :).

Thanks for the encouragement. I really shouldn't be so sensitive :).

KT said...

So, I promise I'm not superficial but Clinton and Stacy from What not to Wear said there is nothing wrong with feeling pretty every day. And you know what? I think they are right. Every day doesn't have to be a fashion show but there is something to be said for feeling great about yourself.

presious said...


Thank you for your honesty and your input. I will definitely take it into consideration.

My thughts were to make an effort to dress nicely casual at least twice a week. Actually, I really do feel better when I dress nicer. Wearing sweats every day encourages me to feel lazy and to drag.

Thanks again... :)

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Knowing what to wear does not come easily to everyone. Nor does putting on make up. Perhaps your daughter just sees that you can build on what you have. I remember when my mum was really going through a hard time when my dad and her got divorced. I took her shopping for clothes, underwear and make up. She felt great.

I have a range of t-shirts and long pants that go from scruffy to almost new. They are all the same style but in various stages of decay. But my make up is always up to date. I figure that if hair and face is okay, nothing else really matters.

presious said...


You make a really good point. I do feel better when I dress better. My saying is, "Hair to the face is like making your bed." When you make the bed, the whole room looks clean and even bigger! I have been thinking about a nice make up lately. I use to use Clinque products. They worked really well with my skin.

Thanks for the encouragement. It is well appreciated....:)