Monday, December 7, 2009

In My Absence

I've been spending some time thinking about alot of things, mainly my place in life. For a while now, things have seemed so out of control. It's really not a good feeling. I've been taking some time to really slow down and try to get my thoughts together. Not an easy task.

I've started journaling again to try to trace, and keep track of, my thoughts. I have always liked the physical act of writing. Putting my thoughts on paper makes me a little uncomfortable as someone might accidently get a hold of them. However, I do find it quite helpful. My other tool is that of prayer. Yes, I am a strong Christian with very strong faith. I've been attempting to get back into crotcheting as well. It has always proven relaxing for me. It also allows me to think things through. Quite naturally, my hot baths always do the trick for relaxation.

Basically, I think I have been fighting against myself, kind of throwing an emotional trantrum i.e. depression, grumpy, irritable, isolation when I can, etc. Not a good feeling. My grandmother would always say, "If you don't like the way you feel, then change it." I just wasn't happy with anything. Seem like I just "wanted" to be that way, then be upset for doing so!
I've been slowing down and looking directly at those things that cause me ill feelings. I think much of it stems from the condition of the world, the government and the effects on us as everyday people, from taxes to mortgages. I can only do what I can in my own little world. My effort is to try to see exactly what it is or why "it" causes me to feel that way. I've been listening very intensely at the experiences of other people. Like everyone else, I have my share, however, there's always someone who's worse off than you. I've been watching and listening at how others handle hardship. My faith restores my hope.

It's just one step at a time. When I feel frustrated, I stop and talk to myself in effort to calm myself. I've only gotten a hand on this during the past week or so. I do feel alot better.

Much prayer and positive thoughts :)

5 comments:

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Hi Presious. That feeling of all the external negatives is such a hard one to ignore. Climate change, government decisions, local councils, bad news in the papers, cost of living and all those things. Sometimes it is hard to just head out the door to face it all. Being bombarded by stuff that is nothing to do with you but still pulls you in.

But you know, it is also okay to feel grumpy and angry now and then. You cannot deny yourself that emotion or you will explode inside. Venting is healthy now and then. After that I think writing it down is great.

After reading your post I am going to go out for a walk and come home to have a nice hot bath. Firstly I will get my husband to clean it though as it is his job!

I hope you feel better soon. This time of year is always a reminder of all things emotional. Take care.

presious said...

Linda,

You are such a sweetheart. YOu are so understanding. That is so cool. I'm working on thinking more positive about things within my own environment. I have a tendency to take on more than I can handle because I want to fix things. I don't like others to hurt. I really try to treat others like I would want to be treated.

This last phase of grumpiness was tough. It was intense and it seemed to go on for a long time. It really kind of scared me. I finally made myself sit down and truly think about what I was feeling and why. My last blog entry is the result. Being overwhelmed is not good.

So, that is where journaling came from. I use to do it all the time. When we moved into this house, I found some old journals and read them. I was such a deeply unhappy young lady. It made me cry and I sad my children down and apologized to them for any discomforts I may have caused them. They did not seem too concerned, but it did open the door to better communication with them.

I'm glad you decided to take a hot bath...after hubby cleaned the tub :). It really does do wonders. It just relaxes you all over! Then if you go to bed shortly afterwards, you will sleep like a baby.

At this point, I feel a lot better. I've really been making a strong effort to be mindful of my feelings and what's going on around me. I make changes where I can.

Thank you so much for your response :).

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

My precious Presious,
Hope you're feeling much better. You post is so heartfelt and i read myself in it.I feel myself grumpy sometimes,and have my downs now and then.
Wish you the happiest and blissful Christmas ever!
I'm thinking of you.
Much love and Big hugs
xxxx
P.S. Thanks so much for your most generous comments.

Polly said...

I hope that you are ok Pres. Take care.

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