A Transition

Last night, after the daycare closed, we all loaded up into the van and headed over to the house that my daughter has chosen to attempt to buy. It was bitter sweet. She is 22 years old and really doing well. Of course, she doesn't see it as doing well, but from a parent's perspective, she is taking a lot of steps very early in her life.

She has successfully overcome substance abuse for the past 2.5 years. She graduated UC Irvine this past June. She is doing quite well in her credential program. She's getting the hang of writing lesson plans and presenting them to the kids. She is in a 4th grade class right now and seems to be enjoying it. She is doing a great job raising my grandson who is now 17 months old and a handful! lol! Now, she is attempting to purchase her first house! They are still doing the paperwork and seeing if she qualifies for some first time buyer programs. So, it is still not determined.

I want to say I am proud of her, which I am, but a mother will always worry about her children. The neighborhood is quiet and seems safe. Neighbors are friendly. My second son will be moving in with her which makes me feel a whole lot better! lol! In my heart I feel really good about it and I am excited for her. She won't be too far away from home, maybe 15 mins.

Another bitter sweet possibility is that of putting my grandson in a day care closer to her house. On one hand, I feel this would be good for my grandson because he is in a stage where he really acts out with the other kids. He is hitting and pulling on them a great deal. I think this is because he sees the kids as being in "his" territory. I'm thinking being in a day care outside of the house might be better for him. Of course, this means my daughter will have to pay, but that's how life goes when you have children. On the other hand, I would quite naturally worry about him. My kids did not transition until preschool when they were able to talk and tell me if anything went wrong. Again, it's just me. I'm sure my daughter wouldn't mind if I met the provider and got a feel for her environment.

I recall when I took the kids to a fellow provider's house. This is a provider whom I talk to quite daily. When my grandson walked in the door, he was very, very comfortable. He participated with the lesson and played very well with the other kids. He displayed no aggression whatsoever. He didn't even display any anxiety! He mixed right in with the other kids. So, a day care outside of our home, might be a good idea. It could be, he was just comfortable at her house too.

We will see. Overall, I will be ok. It's not about me. It's about what's best for my grandson and for my daughter....in that order :-D.

This Week!

Wow! I've felt good all this week! No migraines whatsoever!! WHOOO! HOOO!

Maybe there's something to this old diet thing after all...lol! So far, the only foods I have taken out of my diet are chicken and flour tortillas. We do eat a lot of chicken! The only discomfort I have had is a little tension in my neck and shoulders at the end of the day. That is probably a combination of the fibromyalsia and just being tired from working all day.

Even as a child, I was on a special diets due to very bad allergies. I was extremely petite and very, very sickly as a child. In fact, I sucked a bottle until I was 7 years old!!...LOL! My stepfather made me a stool so I was able to make my own bottle. I was a picky, picky, picky eat. Most of the time, I fell asleep at the dinner table!

Thanks for the support and humor!

Positive thoughts and prayers!...they really work! :-D

Of a Blank Mind Lately

Lately, I haven't had the motivation or any thoughts to blog. That disappoints me. Things have been trying to settle down a bit. My cousin is doing much, much better. I visted him a week ago at which time we sat at the table and discussed his bills and the repairs that need to be made his house before he goes home.

The daycare is doing very well at this time. The bills are getting paid quite regularly and the mortgage is doing well so far. The cars are doing well. The Jetta needs an adjustment since having the transmission serviced. The motorhome is finally back home. I need to clean the inside really good. There are a few small repairs to the cabin that needs to be done, but no hurry.

I've been having lots of migraine lately. Making me really nervous. I looked up a few things about migraines last night. Apparently, it has a lot to do with diet. Foods to avoid are chocolate, chicken, processed sandwich meats, of course sodium, fermented foods like yogurt and cheese, citrus fruits, fried foods, etc. All of these things are regular items in our diets....even "chilled" beverages!

They suggested herbs like lavender and camomile for relaxation. Also vitamin B Complex and fish oil for the brain. There were other herbs that encourage oxygen to the brain too.

I will have to start monitoring, perhaps writing down, what I eat. Then checking to see if what I eat corresponds to a migraine. Simple enough.

Doing Better Today

I think I'm better today. The migraine is not as intense. It's lingering, but it's subtle. My stomach is a bit icky too. However, the good news is, she has arrived :-D!....Yay! Seven days...just seven days, all my pain will be gone...at least for 3 weeks! LOL!

I slept pretty good last night, which is always good news. Had a long talk with my aunt yesterday, through tears of pain from the migraine. She seems to think I don't relax enough. I truly understand what she is saying, but isn't that all of us? Who has time to relax. That word barely exists in today's vocabulary...lol!

My cousin is doing better. He is still being demanding about the food. He is doing better with the physcial therapy. I believe he is up walking now with a walker rather than spending so much time in the wheel chair. He has lost his cell phone, but they found it in his pocket. Not sure if it went through laundry or not. We will have to see if it charges.

I will be going down to San Diego to see my oldest son, you know, do the mom thing, take him some home cooked food and to pick up a few groceries :-). He's trying to do the grown up thing since dad put him out (dad was wrong, but it is a good thing that my son is doing his own thing now). He's being quite resourceful.

Well, I have kids to look after. The day care is doing well at this time :-D. I will talk to everyone a little later today.

Postive thoughts and prayers! :-)

Fight with Frustration

Last night, I ended up with a pretty severe migraine. I had been trying to turn it around for the past few days. I've had the nausea and the painful shoulders and neck. Finally, the sharp pain in my head came on. It's been there for the past two days.

I have been fighting it all night long, literally. I've had cotton in my ears due to sound sensitivity. Can you imagine being sensitive to sounds with a house full of children :-(. It's even worse today.

As I tried to sleep last night, I became fearful as I began to think about my cousin and his having had a stroke. Doctor said there are two kinds of stroke. One being caused by a clogged artery, usually in the neck area. The other by a blood vessel exploding in the brain. There are signs/symptoms that lead up to the stroke. I began to wonder, perhaps, that may be what has been happening to me. At one point, I became almost tearful, but it hurt even more to cry!

Today, I am still hurting, still on the verge of tears. I took pain pills last night that did nothing at all. I'm not sure what to do. I have no medical insurance, but I can go to the clinic. I plan to take the days as easy as I can in possible anticipation of PMS.

This is quite a scary experience. Usually, I can turn the pain around if I catch the symptoms early which I did this time. Even my eyes hurt being on the computer! I needed to write in my journal, but this is actually easier. With that said, I'm off the computer now so I can call the clinic.

Thanks for listening. No pity...just understanding. Positive thoughts and lots of prayers!

The Outcome

As you all know, I had a therapy appt on saturday. It went way better than I could have ever expected!

Though I won't go into details about the appt itself, I will brief you on how the outcome came to be. She gathered my history as to how I came to feel I needed therapy. After a lengthy explanation and her intense listening, she asked but one question...."Why didn't I go back to take my licensing exam?" Oh, I'd explain it away and she would come right back again and ask the same question. I did this several times, but, as a good therapist does, she wouldn't let it go.

After explaining the emotional, finanical and physical effects of having lost my job, she looked at me with this smurk on her face and made the most awesome suggestion I've heard in a looooong time!

Basically, she wants to help me get back on track with my career. She sugested that I get reinstated with the Board. From there, she had places that I could volunteer to gain my 3000 hours of internship in order to take the license exam again. She told me that she and her husband (they have this private practice) had applied for a contract with Child Protective Services that should be completed in May 2010. Then, I would also be able to volunteer in their office since my speciality is children. From there, I would go for the exam again.

Sure this plan will take some time, but it gives me lots of hope! Due to the economy, I truly thought my career was over. Most jobs in my field are for licensed therapist. In addition to that, I'd have to commute, at minimum, an hour in each direction if not more depending upon how far away the agency would be. If I worked with her, I'd be right here in my home town. Again, it's a long term plan, but I think it would work. She actually menitoned the possibility of me becoming partner with her and her husband. I'm not sure about that endeavor, but one can check it out when we get there! :-D

I'm pretty jazzed about it. I called the Board and left two messages today. The waiting is difficult, but it's worth it!

Postive thoughts and prayers!

A Very Good Weekend

I started today feeling really good. The weekend was very, very productive. I got so many things accomplished, I can't remember them all!...LOL!

My kids did very well this weekend. After having a family meeting and set up chores, they all stepped up to the plate very well. It feels really good to have the house cleaned....maybe not as clean as "I" would have done, but hey, it's a lot cleaner than it was. My kids really did a good job. Even though the front yard is pretty much dandelions, once it was cut, it looks really nice. I bought some weed and feed for the lawn and sprayed it down.

This afternoon, I had a new 4 month old baby begin in the day care. He seems to be a good boy so far. My grandson seems huge now that he is so much older at 17 months old. This new baby is adorable...as most babies are :-). He seems to be a good baby. Only cried cause he was hungry. He is happy and alert. Hopefully, he will work out well.

Well, I just wanted to share some good things with everyone.

Positive thoughs and prayers to all :-)

Much Anxiety

I have finally decided to take myself to get some counseling/therapy. My anxiety has been off the scale for the past two weeks. I think I can attribute some of it to pre-pms. Also some of it to my cousin's illness.

I did finally made a house cleaning schedule and had a talk with my children. We split all the house chores so that everyone is doing something major, rather than relying on "Mom" just because mom is at home....at home doing daycare, as if that means, doing nothing all day long.

For my daughter, who is pretty responsible, it was a piece of cake. For the boys, it was alot of moaning and groaning. The boys have a clause add to their chores. That is, if they fail to complete their chores on a weekly bases, they will receive consequences of being stripped of ALL electronics and no outings with their friends until chores are met. This really put a bad taste in their mouths. My oldest boy took to it right away and began doing his.

My youngest boy, well, he is a whole nother story. A few days after making the schedule, I received an email from his teacher showing me all of his class assignments and grades. Not good at all! This meant automatice restriction and stripping of the room of all the electronics.

To make things worse, while driving him to school this morning, he was being sassy with his mouth. Yes, I smacked him once in the face as I was driving. Oh, did he stop? He listened for a minute. Then, he became sassy again, so I smacked him again.

Yes, this sounds horrible, but he has been getting out of hand. I have tried everything to be patient and give him opportunities to comply. Nothing has worked. It's like the more patient I am, the more he takes advantage. I do realize, him being the youngest of my four kids, he is spoiled and not as well trained as his siblings, but to disrespect me is going too far.

I noticed he was a bit more humble and obedient when I picked him up from school. Hmmmm.....I just suppose sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I just don't like going borderline abusive.

Out of the Loop

I've been out of the loop for awhile.

Still going back and forth to San Diego to take care of my cousin. He is participating better with physical therapy. He is in a nursing home at this point. As we are having to handle his bills and his home, we are learning things have not been what they "appeared" to be.

He wants others to believe he is a "big shot" when really he isn't. Really kind of sad. He is an extremely depressed man. He kind of got stuck when his father died. He finally confirmed that verbally. While staying in the nursing home, he can't get away from his thoughts. So, he is having a flood of emotions surrounding issues he has been avoiding for many, many years. Often times, we go to see him and he is quite emotional with tears and rambling.

We did get the Power of Attorney signed so that we can pay his bills and have the roof and ceiling repaired. We can also get his car out of the repair shop too.

This past weekend, I had to be very, very patient. He has become verbally abusive. Apparently, he had seen an eye doctor just before he became sick who told him he has mild catarax. In addition, he had just had his dental partial adjusted but it is hurting his mouth. Well, on sunday afternoon, he was trying to "demand" to be taken to the eye doctor and the dentist.

I tried to explain to him that an appointment has to be made and we can take him, but that nothing could be done on a sunday. All the businesses are closed on sunday. He raised his voice and told me to take him "Now! or to be quiet!" At that point, we were sitting outside in the beautiful weather, I decided to take him back to his room, return him to his bed and prepared to leave.

I live an hour away and had arranged to stay in San Diego for the weekend to be there for him. I was done. I understand he is frustrated, but you don't bite the hand that feeds you! Grrrr!!! I have set my own family and household aside for the past 3 weeks to travel to him, to deal with staff and all his needs. I think I will take a break this upcoming weekend.

In between taking care of my cousin, my two oldest boys having been having a few issues of their own. My oldest of the two, who was living with their dad, finally had enough of dad and got put out of his house. My son is staying with a friend while looking for a second job so he can purchase a car and get a place of his own. He doesn't want to come back to Lake Elsinore. He'd rather stay in San Diego. I admire his determination. I believe he will be fine.

My other son, second oldest of my boys, was driving on the freeway, to work, when his whole wheel came off of his car. Said it was something about the bearings. Yes, he is ok. He was able to retrieve the tire that was still on the rim. We had him towed to his job which is a mechanic place. The part he needs to fix it is no longer available so he has to go to the junk yard and get it. In the meantime, he is driving my car to school and work....Good thing I got it fixed huh? Lol!

On a positive note, my daughter should be able to purchase her first house in a few months. This is very exciting. She is doing well in her credential program for becoming a teacher as well. My youngest boy, is doing well too.

My very small motorhome is finally repaired and ready to get new tires, well used tires...they are cheaper. I little bit at a time so I won't spend too much money. It"s been in repair for about 3 months cause I am paying a little bit at a time. The day care is doing well, has been stable for the past few months. I've just paid the last month of the trial period for the mortgage modification. We will see what happens next.

Yesterday, I was extremely anxious. Anxiety is not good. I was so bad until I called to make an appointment with a therapist. I feel really good about that. I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately and depressed. I think my cousin is bringing up some old issues for me as well.

Well, I will do my best to stay in touch. Positive thoughts and prayers!