Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Changed Way of Thinking

These days, I'm trying to change the way I view the tougher situations in my life. Rather than allowing my emotions to lead me in a negative way by getting upset or irritated, I try to slow down my thoughts to a better understanding of the situation...this is very effective with the kids! Kids will be kids. They are going to make messes, mistakes, etc. It is much more difficult with adults!!

For example. In my daily routine of running the daycare, with 8 kids!, conflicts happen, toys spill, kids are naturally loud & active, kids cry, etc. All of this is just part of being a kid. Nonetheless, I begin to feel overwhelmed and anxious. You can't stop a kid from being a kid so, I have to "rethink" my avenue of handling my anxiety. I stop, think and break down the situation from the "child's" perspective, NOT mine. This provides for a better understanding of what/how things happened. Then I take a deep breath, calm myself down and proceed to take action. It takes practice, but it is totally effective!!

I'm also applying this technique to the bills, house cleaning, communication with my kids, etc. The thing is, when dealing with young adults or adults, a lot of the time we/they are just not thinking about the effects of their actions on other people. We tend to only think about ourselves. By nature, I think we are selfish. So, rather than "go off" on my own kids, who are 22, 20, 18 and 15 years old, I stop, think and ask them a question. Usually, once I hear "their" reasoning via explanation, my emotions deflate and I calm down immediately. Then I am able to "talk" to my kids rather than scold and yell at them. Communication is far better! What's even better is, by my calming down and asking a question, my kids express more and they too calm down. Now don't misunderstand me, young adults can do some really "stupid" things. There are times where a parent is required to get upset!!

Interesting how one individual can affect so many others just by changing ones own behavior or response to any given situation. All that negative emotion is not necessary. It only makes the one doing the expressing more agitated and transfers that to the next person.

Just think what kind of world it would be if we all stopped to think about how we respond to other people....hmmm...interesting.


Sniffles and Smiles said...

You are an extraordinarily wise woman! What a fantastic post...with such depth of thought! Truly an inspirational goal to aspire to...and you are certainly right! What a difference it would make! Loved this! ~Janine XO

Linda and her Twaddle said...

This post reminds me how learning to be a better person is a life long goal. Sometimes just doing things for others and not thinking about yourself distracts those negative thoughts long enough for them to lose their impact. I think negative thoughts love being fed with more negative thoughts. I have to choose my moments to avoid that cycle.

I think your situation is pretty tough being around kids of the "demanding age". Goodness knows I would be feeling like tearing my hair out.

You must feel some days like having your own tantrum.