Getting Back On Track

Well, I've decided it's time to try to get back on track with my eating habits and exercising. I sent the boys grocery shopping last night. I had them to get a lot of my favorite foods. They are teenagers/young adults now and are not as concerned about eating as I am. Most of the time, they eat out with thier friends anyway.

I made some stew last night in the slow cooker. This morning, I baked some fish fillets in the oven...yum yum! I love tuna fish as well. I must do some research for mercury being that I love fish and tuna. I can eat those everyday! I am cooking some green beans and I love sweet peas and I love broccoli. I also had the boys pick up some ready-made salad.

I had them get the Lean Cuisine meals as well. I did pretty good on those for a while. I thought that would be a good way to get started again. After eating them for a while, I get my focus back and slowly wean myself off those and onto home cooked meals. Actually, having a Lean Cuisine with a salad and a fruit is a pretty good, low calorie meal. If I desire a snack later, I have a yogurt with a "few" peacans for protein. Of course, I drink lots of water.

Now, exercising is quite that of a different beginning...lol! It takes alot more effort...lol! I have a manual treadmill...I know, it's not quite the same as an electric one, but it's better than doing nothing. I figure I can start slowly to build up my endurance and my "interest", lol! I also have the exercise wheel for my tummy and I usually use the small barbell for my arms and torso.

Positive thoughts and prays for the exercising! lol!...:-)

Tough for Kids

As a day care provider, sometimes I hear some pretty sad situations with my parents and thier children. It's enough that families are having a difficult time, but when it effects our kids in such an extremely negative way.

I think adults do not think of how their behavior and language effects kids deeply for a very long time. Kids idolize their parents in every way. So, both the positive and the negative from the parents have very long term effects. My theory is to never under estimate how a child interprets or is effected by the negativity that comes from their parents.

When I was 2 years old, my dad left our family. To this very day, I am effected by that day. I can tell you the lay out of the apartment, the lights that were on, what clothes he wore, what clothes I was wearing, where we sat, where my sister was in the apartment and my mom.

I was 2 years old. It was late evening. He was sitting in our flourescent orange, vinyl rocking chair (lol! ...what can I say, it was the 60's!). I sat on his lap with my back resting on his tummy, as I sucked on a bottle and played with my hair (yes, I was a daddy's little girl). I had on a diaper (white cloth diaper back in those days) and a white t-shirt. When he decided to leave, he stood up, walked to our bedroom, where my sister was playing. He laid me down, kissed me on my forehead and left. Though he did try to contact us (mom made it horribly difficult for him, even though he left because of her infidelity) I never saw him again till I went to see him at age 23.

After I have gone through one marriage and divorce, I have chosen not to get into another relationship because I have abandonment/trust issues...majorly. I been in and out of therapy pretty much all my life. Just can't do it. I have come to the conclusion, I am just not relationship material.

I say all this because I am watching kids go through some really difficult times at a very, very young age. No one will truly know the effects until these kids get into their teens. It just sad, waiting to see what will happen. Ideally, the parent would see the error of thier way and seek help so that parent can help the kids. Usually, if a parent has issues, then "their" parents have issues that are also unresolve.

Most of my cases at the agency deal with this type of family system, where one generation passes their issues down to the next generation...leading to substance abuse, mental health issues, anger management problems, etc.

Just some thoughts as I sit with my kids today. In their own little ways, they struggle too. Just a tip...kids are smarter than we think. They "know" when the system is broken. It is always best to explain to them, on an age appropriate level, what is going on. If an explanation is not provided, they will make up their own...not good.

Positive thoughts and prayers...

From My Daughter

I just had a very heart warming conversation with my daughter. For a long time, about 7 years, she has been through a very deeply emotional time in her life...since age 15. It has been an extremely rough road for her...and for me as her mom.

All those years, I simply did not understand because, firstly as her mom and secondly with a background as a Mental Health Therapist, I am too close to her. Basically, both those roles caused me to be the enemy. As time went on, she would gradually opened up. Being eager and excited that she would open up, it took a long while for me to learn to "listen" rather than press for more information. Eventually, I learned to validate by knodding my head and reflecting her words back to her.

Well, today, I watched "Super Nanny", where a blended family had two teenage girls, from the mother's previous marriage, that were extremely angry with their mother. Prior to remarrying, the girls and their mom referred to themselves as "the 3 Musketeers". The girls were extremely angry because mom had not taken their feelings into consideration before marrying the stepfather. Things changed drastically by adding 3 more younger girls! The girls missed spending time with their mom.

As I watched and listened, I began to cry. I began to thinking about my daughter. Maybe she simply wanted/s more time with mom. I decided to ask her to dinner tonight, to which she accepted. We talked a little bit and that's when she opened up a little more. She was respectful and honest. She feels that I was too protective by not letting them, as kids, play outside "freely" with other kids or visit at other kids' homes. As a result, she doesn't know how to socialize or interact with other people. She also said that she has learned to have her act together as a result of her upbringing...bitter sweet.

She said she wishes she was the person she is today back in high school. Unfortunately, she is often very tired due to school (which finally ends in December 2010) and working at night. I explained to her that she has never had the opportunity to be a child. So, after school is done, we can look at doing some things/activities together to create a social life.

To my surprise, she opened up, talked and even seemed to like the idea of trying to do things differently! I've waited for this day for soooo long. I think all kids have a day when they finally are able to express to their parents how the parents could have done things differently. I think this was my day :-). My mom did not allow us to express such things. I "wanted" to make a difference with my kids.

I'm excited and very happy.... also sad that my protectiveness caused her such pain in her life. I am eager to try to make this right for her.

Lots of positive thoughts and prayers! :-)

Good Things, Good Things

It has truly been a good weekend. Friday, though exhuasted, I felt soooo good when my son came home and asked if he could move back home. He sat down with dad and made a budget. It was at that point he realized he needed to come home and regroup. I told him I was proud of him for taking his time to "try" it and listening to both his father and myself.

I try to teach my kids that it is perfectly normal to want to move out of their parents' house at around ages 17 or 18. However, I encourage them to let us help them along the way. Sure, to them, they can handle it. They say, "Mom, I'm 'grown' now", but they really have no idea what it is really like to be out there on their own, working, paying rent and thier bills.

We sat down and had a talk. He told me now he understands what I was trying to tell him before he moved. I told him, sometimes, it takes "experience" to learn a lesson. So, why not learn with the guidance of your parents. That's what we are for. :-) Very heartwarming moment. I told him, he will do it again but with a lot more knowledge under his belt.

I called my friend to come over last night, the one I made the blanket for. I had sent her a text during the week that I had completed her surprise. She was out of town and had become quite excited as she asked for many hints!...lol! Of course, I gave no clue as to what it was. She finally came over just before going to work. I opened the door, bouncing with excitement. I had her close her eyes as I led her to the blanket on the couch (it really was much to large to wrap!).

I told her how much I loved her and how she is my bestest friend and that, though I could not fix all the problems she is going through, I want her to know how much I love her and I am there for her! Yes, she began to cry. Before opening her eyes, I had her smell the lavendar neck pillow. When she opened her eyes, she was soooo happy. We hugged very happily!

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling horrible. I felt so disoriented. My head felt pressure, my eyes were dry and hurting. I felt as if I slept "under" a rock. My entire body felt like it has been smashed or under pressure...is that makes sense. I literally felt lost, couldn't think. My grandson woke up quite early. Somehow, my son must have sensed what I was going through and he immediately begin to help with the morning routine. He actually took my grandson, his nephew, and played with him so I could try to take care of myself.

After crying and taking lots of deep breaths, I began to come into life again. My son came to my room and pounced on my bed. He says, "Ok mom, what are we going to do today? You need to get out of the house." So, I put together a list of short errands and afterwards we walked around Old Town. It turned out to be a great day! My grandson spend the day with his parents while my son I got out of the house :-).

One of the errands was making a payment on an antique trunk I am buying. It is soooo beautiful! The owner restored the outside. The inside has all of its original boxed compartments. It's in really nice condition and it's huge! After walking around Old Town (which is where the trunk is also located), we tried a new place to eat lunch. Actually, we took lunch home and watched a movie. After the movie, we helped my other son move back home :-).

We have a new addition to the family :=). His name is Bruce, a puppy Snouser (ck sp). He is absolutely adorable and very mellow. It was interesting to see how my Fox Terrier, "Baby Girl", would respond. She is not dog friendly. To my surprise, Baby Girl did very, very well. She's still a tad territorial, but that's to be expected. After checking each other out, they played real nicely, running and romping through the house. Bruce is almost potty trained. He only pottied once in the house and I immediately took him outside. He seemed to get it. I gave him a lot of praises :-).

A really great weekend....Started another blanket :-D.

Positive thoughts and prayers!

The Completion

After being truly inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, I have been inspired to pick up crotcheting again. Today, I have completed my 3rd blanket. I made it for a dear, dear friend of mine who has been going through a lot of hardship lately. Most of the time when someone is going through a tough time, we feel helpless and unable to help. I thought making her a blanket would help her at the end of her day when she can cuddle up, away from the world.

I made one for myself in pink, which is my favorite color. Her favorite color is purple, so I made her a duplicate one of mine in purple. I also bought her one of those lavendar neck pillows that you heat up in the microwave. It smells sooooo good and it feels sooooo good on the neck! I really hope she likes it. I've been kind of teasing her with small hints...lol! At first, she thought she knew what it was, then when I kept on giving hints, she became confused! LOL!

We will see how it goes! ..........Positive thoughts and prayers!...:-)