Been Having Difficult Times

The past few months have been pretty tough. Everything is catching up to me. With the internship, I am required, and I "want" to, take classes to stay refreshed as issues, diagnosis and theories change. The Board preferres this to be done in an actual classroom, which is really inconvenient. I work the day care monday through friday 5:30am to 6pm (occasionally 10pm) and work at the agency "all" day on saturday. Remember, I also have my grandson, now 2 and half years old, at night till the next morning.

Though it sounds insane, I've decided to expand the day care and hire assistants. I've been in process of this for the past month or two as well. My reason?.... Well, to begin with, I need the income for the modification process on the house. They want me to make more money, to be more stable in my income. Also, having assistants makes a "HUGE" difference in the day care. I've been doing day care for 23 years and have never had an assistant. I am isolated and very bored. Having "adult" company, conversation and help makes a difference. In order to pay the assistants & maintain my finances, I have to take on more kids. It really does work well.

So, as you can see, my days are quite full. At the same time, I am quite worn out. Also as a part of the internship, I am required to seek therapy for myself which I began yesterday evening. Apparently, I am having significant anxiety as I have no support for myself in terms of a boyfriend or husband, friends, family nearby, etc.

As far as I can remember, I've always been a loner, a Type A personality. I've tried having friends, but it seems their problems seem to take priority over the friendship itself. I become their personal counselor. The tendency is not to be reciprocated. I get phone calls of them in distress or crying and wanting me to help them "figure out what to do". Been this way since high school. I quickly figured out, friends are not truly friends.

Two of my kids are having their issues as well. Too much to go into right now.

On a positive note, we finally moved my grandson into his own room this past weekend! Yaaay! I did not realize how his being in my room was impacting me so much. I felt so restricted; couldn't watch certain programs on t.v., t.v. had to be low, had to tip toe to the bathroom for a bath, to brush my teeth or to pottie, even getting up in the morning was restricted! He transitioned really, really well. He had a whole set up in my room with his bed and his toys with a shelf and child size table. I "finally" have "my" space back! LOL! I love him dearly, but Nana needs her space too. He actually plays in "his room" too. He says, "Nana, that's my room!"

In therapy, we are going to discuss how to reduce my anxiety. Interesting how I can help others with this very process, but can't seem to help myself....hmmmm

Having a Moment...

Not sure what's going on with myself, but I'm feeling so discontent right now. Often, my feelings are related to a person or situation. Right now, I want to be totally left alone for at least a day...ideally for the entire weekend. It's moments like this that I truly wish my motorhome was up and ready to go. I haven't had a chance to get her smogged and the alignment done. Those are the only things she's waiting to have done. Time is a major factor. A few days at the beach, doing nothing but relaxing in the sunshine and just the thing I need right now...sigh*~ This is not a good picture of her. Shortly after this picture was taken, I got her new wheel covers (instead of old towels..lol) and had the roof resealed and the vents replaced.

I've been doing alot these past few weeks. Being at the agency all day saturdays, though very enjoyable with a great boss, is beginning to catch up with me. My son is not making things any better. I have 3 kids in the day care that are transitioning out. I really think I need time to stand still for a few days.

No, not really depressed. Think I am more tired than anything.

So Much Going On Lately

So much has been going on lately. I'm doing good with staying focused, but I've been so exhausted lately. The changes in the day care are working well. Having staff is very nice. It's nice to have "adult" company and the extra eyes and hands around. It really does take a lot of the stress off of me...lol.

I am getting ready to loose about 3 kids. One is going to special needs pre-K school for his language skills. Another is moving to another city up north. The last one is "supposed" to be leaving for his great grandmother to look after him so she can quit her job at Walmart. For the first one, I have a part time child who may go full time. For the last one, I have a baby lined up to begin in April. I've been doing my advertising for the final one. I really think things will work out fine. I may have to be without a child for a minute, but I think it will be fine.

My youngest son has his appointment to get his driver's license. He has been doing very well in his driving skills. Now school, on the other hand, is a whole different subject. He is improving his grades...been on restriction since the second week of December...lol. Yes, it bothers me as a mother to not allow him to go out with his friends, get on the computer, watch t.v. or play game station. However, it has taken this long for him to realize, Mom is serious.

My middle son has truly hurt my heart. He spent one night in jail for a DUI. I cried all day sunday. He has to go to court in May. He is doing his research and I may have to get an attorney. He has "finally" agreed to go to counseling and AA. He said this has gotten his attention. I truly hope so. This is going to be an expensive journey. I am extremely dissappointed and fearful.

The agency where I am doing my intern hours is getting pretty busy. It's kind of tough though because I don't have the time to increase my hours. With the daycare, I don't have the flexibility to be at the agency beyond saturdays. When I spoke with my boss today, she wants to make me partner, but I'm not sure how that will work along with the daycare. The daycare is my sole source of income right now. I really don't want to close it right now. I'm hoping I can have staff run it for a few hours a day while I go to the agency. Just a thought.

Overall, I'm doing pretty good. I must stay on top of my schedule and routine. Being tired is not a good thing. Tonight calls for a nice long, hot bath with bath salts and candles!...lol!

Happy thoughts and prayers!....:-)

Very Busy

The past week or so has been sooooo busy. I finally submitted my application to make the day care large. It wasn't a lot but just had to gather the correct information. Now, I am waiting for them to schedule me an inspection from the fire department. I already have the man for the actually fire extinguisher coming so it can be updated. I will have to get a paper towel and hand soap dispenser for the bathroom as well. A friend of mine works at a retailer and will get them discounted, both together at about $50 and they will install them for free. The new "staff" :-) is working out wonderfully too.

I rearranged the day care room; split it in half to have one side for the older/school aged kids and the other side for the preschoolers/todders. I bought new area rugs (not the kid ones...way way too expensive), just some earth tone shaded ones. Actually makes the room look bigger. I purchased a table & chairs for about $45 from a second hand store for the kids' homework area. I would like to purchase an older, wireless laptop or some kind of computer so the kids can have "only" educated lessons/games to play.

Today was the first day for the new set up. Things seem to flow a lot smoother. The kids seem to have a more simple flow because of the separation of the room. I still need to purchase a few more building sets for the school agers. I brought more of my own kids' toys down from upstairs.

I'm excited. Everything is working out very well. I'd like to get a new preschool curriculum. The one I have is sooo outdated. I'm almost nervous. Things have not gone well for me in a long time! lol! I'm guarded and hesitating before spending with extreme caution!

Positive thoughts and prayers!...:-)

Another One

I completed another blanket. I didn't take a picture because, though I used a different stitch, I also used the left over yarn from the two previous projects. I didn't want to throw the yarn away so I made another blanket out of it. I haven't decided who I want to give it to yet. I really don't need "another" blanket!

I bought some more yarn. This time the color scheme is earth tones, browns and dark browns. I already made my son a nice long scarf that he double wraps around his neck. He wraps it a bit loosely so it can also keep his chest warm. I told him I finished the pockets so I will add them on probably tonight. I will take a picture of it and post it. Kind of nice to finish something quickly! lol!

A few days ago, the kids made placemats to put on the table so they can eat on it. I will take pictures of those too so I can post them. The kids did a really nice job.

Positive thoughts and prayers everyone!...:-)

A Lot Going On

It's been a long and busy week. The assistant I've hired is working out very well. I am still getting calls for more day care kids. I will be calling the licensing office today to see what the requirements are to make the day care a "large" day care.

I'm still somewhat nervous but I think it's because I'm not sure of the process to go large with the day care or how it works to have 14 kids and an employee. I've never "employeed" anyone before. It seems to be a "huge" responsibility. I'm sure I will feel better once I speak with the licensing office.

I've worked with 9 kids in my day care without an assistant, but that was back in the day when I was much younger. I never had 9 kids for the entire day. I usually had the school aged later in the day as some of the little ones were leaving for the day. So, I may have had 9 kids for maybe an overlap of time of an hour. Fourteen is a lot more. It would primarily be school aged kids in the afternoon, with an overlap of time with the little ones of about 2 hours. Having an assistant would be extremely helpful.

My other concern is, my day care is set up for little ones, ages 1 through 3 or 4 years old. School aged kids tend to become quite bored. Another issue is that of the types of activities older kids. Older kids, primarily boys, tend to play in a very violent manner; shooting, explosions, crashing, etc. I realize they are older, but I don't want the younger ones influenced by such behavior. I am extremely anti-violent. Many of the older kids' movies/t.v. shows involve "action hereos" that fight. The kids tend to mimick this behavior in their play. I really, really don't like it.

When we were kids, we played play doh, painted, colored pictures, built things with blocks, lego and tinker toys. There were dolls, barbies, trucks, bikes, jump ropes, etc. Kids today seem less interested in these things.

I will explore some things and do some research as to some of my options. Perhaps rearrange the day care room so that I have an area for the older kids. Then purchase some toys/activities that are age appropriate to keep their interest.

First step, call licensing office to see what the requirements are.

Positive thoughts and prayers :-)

Expanision

Well, looks like I'm thinking about transitioning the day care to a "large" inhome child care. Currently, I am licensed for 8 kids, which classifies as "small". Lately, I've been getting a lot of calls and referrals (referrals are via word-of-mouth from someone who knows me. Didn't realize I had become somewhat wellknown).

I've hired a friend of mine who is certified in CPR for adult and children. She worked for my fellow day care provider that we visited on tues for play dates. I'm also thinking about hiring a friend of mine's 17 year old daughter. She loves children and it would be good for her to keep busy. Her mom can trust her with me that she will be safe and have a bit of money in her pocket.

Being a Christian, I am praying about it. Fourteen kids is a lot. Hiring people is a huge responsibility that I have never done before. I really don't want to get into something I can't handle. I also will be calling our City Office regarding zoning laws, the licensing office to increase my of children and take care of any additional fees, and lastly, the fire department for a more extensive house inspection which requries additonal fees as well.

A lot to consider. I can say, it is wonderful having an adult around to share with when you are with children aaaaallll day long!...lol! Makes a HUGE difference! lol! I'm excited and nervous, but I feel really good about it.

Positive thoughts and prayers!...:-)

An Angry Person

Wow, I just had an entry to my last blog from what appeared to be an extremely angry male. Didn't seem directly personal to me and not quite sure of his intent for placing an entry on my blog.

I encourage you all to take a peek and sent me your thoughts. I went to his blog to see what he was about, and only found more of the same. He totally admits to being an "American woman hater". I must admit, he is very, very extreme.

I'm wondering if he, or someone very close to him, has been severely hurt by a woman with great significance, directly related to her being an "American woman".

Please check it out and pass me your thoughts. Pretty scary.

Positive thoughts and prayers!...:-)

The Looking-Bright Future

This morning my agent came over to fine tune my retirement and life insurance accounts. Boy! I feel soooo much better. With the economy having had the effects on my (and everyone else's) career, I really have nothing through my employment...especially being self-employed.

The day care is picking up very well, to the point I am looking into getting a part time assistant. With the day care doing well, I can afford to invest monthly into my retirement/life insurance accounts. Today, a new little boy started part time in the day care and a little girl also signed up to start next monday part time. Having an assistant will allow me to do lesson and art without feeling so overwhelmed...lol! It's a lot of little hands when projects are going on! I already have a young lady in mind. I met her through a fellow provider who also has her help out at her day care.

I'm excited and feeling pretty good. Thanks for reading!

Positive thoughts and prayers!....:-)

This Week

It has truly been a very tough week. I am so thankful for my children being here this week. They have been so helpful from running earrands, to helping in the day care, to getting the car repaired. Emotions can be tough.

Yesterday, I truly believed there was a full moon. "All" of the kids were being stinkers! lol! Finally, I sat them all down for a movie to get them refocused. Half way through the movie, I stopped the movie and had a talk with them. Afterwards, we went out to the backyard. They needed to stretch out "a lot!" They were still somewhat restless, but they behaved a little better

It's been raining for the past few weeks. This is the first week it has been dry. Though I love the rain, it's difficult for the kids to stay inside. There's only so much painting, playing games and watching movies a child can do...lol! I am (and I'm sure they are too) glad that they go back to school next week. I think we are done with rain for a while.

Fighting Those Emotions Again

I've been fighting good old depression for the past few days again. I beginning to think of it as a routine cycle. Only thing I can attribute it to is being a female. I feel good physically. I've been getting rest, eating much better and I've began my exercising routine again. In fact, I've lost 2 lbs! Yes, I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's a start lol! I'm excited.

I'm restless and bored most of the time. I have pleanty to do around the house with my kids and the day care. Maybe it's more that I am bored with my daily routine. I suppose, like most people, I rarely have a chance to take my time and do what "I want" to do. I've been wanting to take my motorhome out for a long time now. Just up to the harbor and stay the weekend, just 2 nights, all by myself.

As women, mothers and wives we tend to handle most things in the household in addition to our jobs. We change "hats" more than we realize. We go from be housekeepers i.e. doing the laundry, cleaning the house... dusting, vacuuming, changing the linens to being chiefs cooking or preparing some kind of breakfast, lunch and dinner for our families to shopping for food, clothing and anything inbetween. Even family issues with individual family members we are there to sort things out and find resources to get our loved to a doctor, dentist or medication.

Between the day care, my own family needs and my internship on the weekends, I think I'm beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed. I should have expected this time to come. It's hard work doing my internship, especially in addition to the day care. Pretty soon I will be time to begin studying for the license exam.

I really can't afford to get overwhelmed. My internship something I feel is a necessity. This is my future. I do feel better that I have my retirement account almost established. It's a late start, but I need to get it set up as soon as possible. My hope is to work, maybe part time, as a family therapist, while using my retirement only if necessary. I actually "want" to work, at least part time. I don't want to get bored with life. Basically, I just want a more simple life with less expectations from other people.

I will spend the next few days regaining my focus. I would say it's more of a mental thing with me right now. I do feel rather anxous. I will focus on bringing down my anxiety and being patient with myself. Everything seems to be in a good place.

Ok. I think I got it now. Maybe I just needed to vent some feelings....hmmmm

Thanks for "reading". Positive thoughts and prayers.....:-)