Improvement

This week has been a very good week. I haven't felt this good in a long time :). Yes, I do have some stressors, but it's all good, as the kids say.

I went out last night and bought the ingredients for my health drink I use to make a few years ago. I put organic juice, soy protein powder, veggie mix, Aloe Vera juice, any kind of fruit (I usually put apples and bananas), and an antioxidant fiber. It is very good for cleansing the system. Makes me quite regular.

I'm not much of a breakfast person. I can sip on this pretty much through lunch time. I can eat a nice light dinner with a salad, drink lots of water throughout the day and be good shape in a week or so. I'm not one for being 'strict' with my diet so, if I desire, I can still eat the way I want.

My goal is not to be on a diet. My goal is to improve my eating habits, to eat a bit more healthier. I still enjoy meat and fast food. I just won't be eating as much of it. I want more fruits, veggies and ruffage in my diet. I really think my diet is a significant part of how I've been feeling. I started this before, not too long ago, but I did not stay disciplined. I did decrease my fast food intake, but I could do better with my meals at home.

So, this is the goal, to improve my diet and to encourage myself to feel better, have more energy and to be a little healthier.

Encouraged

Lately, I've been sharing with a fellow day care provider who had called me one day. She is the one that was driving behind my van one day. She saw my day care sign on the back of the van and wrote my number down to call me. This was several months ago. We've been talking a few times a week since that day.

Being that day care is a very isolated job, talking with R. has been very, very encouraging. We share the positives and negatives of our profession. It really helps to talk to someone who 'really' knows what it takes. I feel sooo much better.

Sometimes, we call each other just to vent and get things off our chest about uncooperative parents, unruly children, lesson plans or just good, old fashion support. I have been so motivated lately. I've been much more relaxed and focused as well. My goal is to get back to doing lesson plans regularly. I'm not really sure why this is such a struggle for me.

Sometimes, when you are alone, you begin to doubt yourself and your abilities. You begin to loose sight of your direction and your goals. This can become very draining emotionally, causing depression and discouragement.

I feel so much better!...:) Many sincere hugs to her!

Monday, Monday

The weekend is over! Yes, it was very nice, busy but nice. I do have mixed feelings. As we all usually feel, it just wasn't enough time! Let's see....

Friday night, I didn't get home til 12:30am. I had to drive an hour or so to San Diego to take my sons to their dad's for the weekend. Before going to his house, I stopped at the Date Street to see how the repairs went. Yes, it was beautiful! The contractor did a wonderful job. I still want to get the grass replanted in the backyard. There are a few items I need to get rid of that the old tenants left.
Afterwards, I headed to dad's house which went well.

I did not head back until about 10:10pm. However, I ran into a bit of a small problem with the van. My son had been telling me that the steering wheel has been 'whinning'. I did not hear it until we got off our exit in San Diego. Immediately, I realized the van was low on power steering fluid. When I went to get gas, we looked in the engine to see where it would possibly go with no success. So, I figured it would be ok til the next day.

As I get back on the freeway, it began to concern me as I began to smell something burning. Usually one broken thing will lead to another when it comes to a vehicle. Oh, and I did have one late night day care child with me. I did maintain contact with his mom. She trusts me a lot. Well, I decided to pull over and call my friend Robert. He was even more concerned than I was! He didn't want to take any chances. So, he met me at a gas station.

Surely, it was the power steering fluid. It was bone dry! He put the fluid in, I gave him a huge hug, called the J's parent to let her know all was well, and off we went home. Robert called several times to make sure all was well. The van immediately stopped whinning once the fluid was in there. After taking J. home, I finally walked into my house at 12:35am.

Saturday, I got an early text on my cell phone. I had forgotten about the bible conference in Long Beach!... Ugh! I was so looking forward to sleeping in! I got up, took my supplements and had some coffee. Once I was up and going, I felt pretty good. A. picked me up. We had a nice drive and the conversation was good. As I sat in the back seat of the car, I could literally feel my body relaxing, almost tingling.

The conference went very nicely. We had packed our lunches and were able to sit on the lawn to eat. The weather was great, not too hot and not too cold. I rode back with my other friend L. We decided to do movie night when we got back home. She dropped me off at my house to change into my pj's. We were all so tired that we fell asleep on the movie!...LOL! Yes, I got home late again, almost 1:00am.

Sunday morning, I kept little J. I keep her every sunday from 6am to 2pm. Usually she comes in and goes back to sleep, but not this sunday. She slept very briefly. It was still an easy day.

At 11:00am, I decided to have the motorhome towed to my mechanic. I had been procrastinating on this for a long time. I thought sunday would be good because all was quiet and calm. Well....AAA towing service got my order all screwed up. We discussed in detail all the dimensions of the motorhome and what type of truck, a flat bed, would be needed. They sent a hook up truck!! After talking with the tech for awhile, he was so nice, I called again and filed a complaint. They decided to do a search for the proper truck. After not hearing from them for an hour, I called back. They apologized because apparently my request had been dropped. At 4:30pm we finally got the towed accomplished! I did file a complaint and plan to follow up with it today.

So, you see, it was a busy but successful weekend. Never enough time!...lol. Hopefully, the motorhome won't cost much in repairs and my mechanic will work with me for payments. The reason I took it to him is because I am not getting out of the house enough. I feel it is getting to the point of driving me batty. The motorhome serves that purpose. Low cost and take everything with me.That was my reason for purchasing it in the first place and that is what I did with it back in the day. I would really like to start doing that again.

Well, I had better get to the kids. My grandson should be waking up very soon. Have a nice day :)~~~~~

An Empty House

Wow! I actually get an empty house for the WHOLE WEEKEND!! YAAAY! I am going to spend the weekend lounging, relaxing and bathing :). I haven't had a break in a loooonnng time.

The boys are going to dad's and dad wants the baby. It is time for the baby to visit with his other grandparents for the ENTIRE WEEKEND....let me repeat, the WHOLE WEEKEND....WHOOO HOOO! :) :) :)

A Comment Today

My daughter made a comment to me today that kinda hurt my feelings. She said I did not do some of the the things that I would like to do because I am 'lazy'.

I never thought of myself as a lazy person. I will admit, I do lack motivation these days. Perhaps this means that I am lazy. She made reference to how I dress. I wear sweats and old t-shirts every day. Yes, I look quite unattractive, but I work with children all day.

A few months ago, she actually took me to the store and bought me a few pairs of pants and several shirts to interchange with the pants. She even bought me a nice pair of tennis shoes. I felt bad when she reminded me. Maybe she's right. It takes effort to look nice 'everyday'.

It just got me to thinking about 'why' I don't take the time to invest in my appearance. I'm not sure whether I lack the confidence or the necessary means to make myself attractive. These days, money is a factor to everything. I feel exhausted much of the time. Often times, I am in pain. I'm constantly working on finances, from home modifications to groceries, not to mention everything inbetween. I deal with a multitude of kids on a 'daily basis'. It takes too much brain work to consider my appearance when I spend 90% of my life in my home.

I don't have a problem with my appearance until I go out in public. Those are the times I actually invest in my appearance.....well, sometimes :). I really don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't need any added entities in my life...lol!, from being invited to places, to making new friends to attracting the opposite sex. Going places cost money. I honestly can't afford new outfits, concert tickets, buying drinks and/or dinner, etc. I simply can't afford it, so I avoid it all together.

Though I don't think she intended to hurt my feelings, it really did hurt alot. I truly try not to complain. However, I feel those around me, friends & family, do not understand. I have grown accustomed to pretty much to keeping to myself. Unless others walk in another person's shoes, they really don't understand. When one tries to explain, others tend to hear what they want to hear and become quite critical. I've been in such situations many times. Explaining just doesn't work.

I think my daughter feels that I am unhappy. Sometimes, I am. Buying the clothes is her way of trying to give Mom a taste of happiness. Her way of making Mom feel better. I do not want her carrying that burden. It is not her job to take care of me...not until I'm in a convalescent home :). I love her for caring about her mother...sniff*

I've always had an underlying current of depression since I was about 16 years old. I have come to accept it. I work around it in my daily life by keeping my world simple and uncluttered. Sometimes, I do good just to make it through the day.

Sometimes, others just do not understand. We can only do our best with what we have. Yes it hurt, but I really don't think she meant any harm....I love her for caring.

Major Schedule Change

School is back in and I'm doing after-school-pick ups again. This time, my daycare school aged boy has started jr. high. He gets to the bus stop at 2:10pm. Last year, in elementary school, he got there at 3:20pm.

This causes a huge problem with both the day care preschoolers' naptime and with picking up my son from high school. The 2:10pm pick up time cuts a whole hour off naptime for the preschoolers. I have to wake them up an hour earlier, load them in the van, then pick up the boy. We come home for another hour, then REload everyone AGAIN to go pick up my son.

This is tuesday, wednesday and friday schedule. Friday is not so bad. However, tuesday and wednesday are late nights. Yesterday was the first time on this new schedule. The boy's mother did not tell me he had to be picked up at 2:10pm until 2:00pm!! Yes, extreme last minute!! I had to rush to get the preschoolers and the baby up. Poor kids!...they were all in such a peaceful, deep, relaxed sleep...lol. They sat int he van looking lost and disoriented, lol. These are not my kids in this picture, but it gives you an idea of naptime for them.

My school boy was very animated and excited about the pros and cons of jr high school...of course, no recess, lol. He was extremely talkative. After picking up my son, I had everyone settle down to watch a movie so that I could get my focus to fix dinner for the late nighters.

All day long, my grandson was a total stinker! He had Nana-itis and wanted Nana to hold him. I have never really done that because I don't want him to be spoiled. For some reason, that is what he wanted yesterday. My only thought, after checking his diaper, feeding him and cuddling him for a bit, was that he missed his mommy. At the last minute, her job called her in to work another shift. She made it home about 3:00 this morning. She works graveyard.

When I finally got to sleep, the phone kept ringing every couple of hours. I'd get up to answer it (my phone is on the other side of the room) only for it to be a fax machine!! Finally, I called the operator to see if anything could be done. She told me I can call another number...don't think so at 2:30am! I just unplugged the phone which I was very uncomfortable doing. Never know when an emergency might arise. Shortly afterwards, my daughter gets home and I am awakened by her activity in the bathroom as he turned on the light. From that point on, sleep was just not happening....Grrrr!

I will have to pace myself today. Coffee is defnintely on the menu for breakfast. Today is pretty much a repeat of yesterday with the pick up schedule and the late nighters...Uggghhh! Will have to think of a remedy...quick! Maybe my older son can pick up my daycare boy and I can pick up my youngest son from school...:)! Ooooh! that just might work!

Thanks for listening...:)

A Note For My Daughter

I've decided to find a poem and make a special note for my dear daughter. She is definitely not the 'mushy' type. Expressing words of adornment or appreciate to her is not exactly comfortable for her. At the same time, she so totally appreciates it in her heart. She cherishes things like gifts and child memories, songs, and events.

I'm not particularly creative when it comes to poems. So, I have found a few that I will put together to make my own. Then I will make a card for it. I just want her to know how special she is to me and how proud I am of her with all that she has been through. I want her to know how I appreciate her strength to overcome so many battles that she has been through at such a young age.

This is what I am going to do...:) I'm going to stop now before I get tearful!