From My Daughter

I just had a very heart warming conversation with my daughter. For a long time, about 7 years, she has been through a very deeply emotional time in her life...since age 15. It has been an extremely rough road for her...and for me as her mom.

All those years, I simply did not understand because, firstly as her mom and secondly with a background as a Mental Health Therapist, I am too close to her. Basically, both those roles caused me to be the enemy. As time went on, she would gradually opened up. Being eager and excited that she would open up, it took a long while for me to learn to "listen" rather than press for more information. Eventually, I learned to validate by knodding my head and reflecting her words back to her.

Well, today, I watched "Super Nanny", where a blended family had two teenage girls, from the mother's previous marriage, that were extremely angry with their mother. Prior to remarrying, the girls and their mom referred to themselves as "the 3 Musketeers". The girls were extremely angry because mom had not taken their feelings into consideration before marrying the stepfather. Things changed drastically by adding 3 more younger girls! The girls missed spending time with their mom.

As I watched and listened, I began to cry. I began to thinking about my daughter. Maybe she simply wanted/s more time with mom. I decided to ask her to dinner tonight, to which she accepted. We talked a little bit and that's when she opened up a little more. She was respectful and honest. She feels that I was too protective by not letting them, as kids, play outside "freely" with other kids or visit at other kids' homes. As a result, she doesn't know how to socialize or interact with other people. She also said that she has learned to have her act together as a result of her upbringing...bitter sweet.

She said she wishes she was the person she is today back in high school. Unfortunately, she is often very tired due to school (which finally ends in December 2010) and working at night. I explained to her that she has never had the opportunity to be a child. So, after school is done, we can look at doing some things/activities together to create a social life.

To my surprise, she opened up, talked and even seemed to like the idea of trying to do things differently! I've waited for this day for soooo long. I think all kids have a day when they finally are able to express to their parents how the parents could have done things differently. I think this was my day :-). My mom did not allow us to express such things. I "wanted" to make a difference with my kids.

I'm excited and very happy.... also sad that my protectiveness caused her such pain in her life. I am eager to try to make this right for her.

Lots of positive thoughts and prayers! :-)

Good Things, Good Things

It has truly been a good weekend. Friday, though exhuasted, I felt soooo good when my son came home and asked if he could move back home. He sat down with dad and made a budget. It was at that point he realized he needed to come home and regroup. I told him I was proud of him for taking his time to "try" it and listening to both his father and myself.

I try to teach my kids that it is perfectly normal to want to move out of their parents' house at around ages 17 or 18. However, I encourage them to let us help them along the way. Sure, to them, they can handle it. They say, "Mom, I'm 'grown' now", but they really have no idea what it is really like to be out there on their own, working, paying rent and thier bills.

We sat down and had a talk. He told me now he understands what I was trying to tell him before he moved. I told him, sometimes, it takes "experience" to learn a lesson. So, why not learn with the guidance of your parents. That's what we are for. :-) Very heartwarming moment. I told him, he will do it again but with a lot more knowledge under his belt.

I called my friend to come over last night, the one I made the blanket for. I had sent her a text during the week that I had completed her surprise. She was out of town and had become quite excited as she asked for many hints!...lol! Of course, I gave no clue as to what it was. She finally came over just before going to work. I opened the door, bouncing with excitement. I had her close her eyes as I led her to the blanket on the couch (it really was much to large to wrap!).

I told her how much I loved her and how she is my bestest friend and that, though I could not fix all the problems she is going through, I want her to know how much I love her and I am there for her! Yes, she began to cry. Before opening her eyes, I had her smell the lavendar neck pillow. When she opened her eyes, she was soooo happy. We hugged very happily!

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling horrible. I felt so disoriented. My head felt pressure, my eyes were dry and hurting. I felt as if I slept "under" a rock. My entire body felt like it has been smashed or under pressure...is that makes sense. I literally felt lost, couldn't think. My grandson woke up quite early. Somehow, my son must have sensed what I was going through and he immediately begin to help with the morning routine. He actually took my grandson, his nephew, and played with him so I could try to take care of myself.

After crying and taking lots of deep breaths, I began to come into life again. My son came to my room and pounced on my bed. He says, "Ok mom, what are we going to do today? You need to get out of the house." So, I put together a list of short errands and afterwards we walked around Old Town. It turned out to be a great day! My grandson spend the day with his parents while my son I got out of the house :-).

One of the errands was making a payment on an antique trunk I am buying. It is soooo beautiful! The owner restored the outside. The inside has all of its original boxed compartments. It's in really nice condition and it's huge! After walking around Old Town (which is where the trunk is also located), we tried a new place to eat lunch. Actually, we took lunch home and watched a movie. After the movie, we helped my other son move back home :-).

We have a new addition to the family :=). His name is Bruce, a puppy Snouser (ck sp). He is absolutely adorable and very mellow. It was interesting to see how my Fox Terrier, "Baby Girl", would respond. She is not dog friendly. To my surprise, Baby Girl did very, very well. She's still a tad territorial, but that's to be expected. After checking each other out, they played real nicely, running and romping through the house. Bruce is almost potty trained. He only pottied once in the house and I immediately took him outside. He seemed to get it. I gave him a lot of praises :-).

A really great weekend....Started another blanket :-D.

Positive thoughts and prayers!

The Completion

After being truly inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, I have been inspired to pick up crotcheting again. Today, I have completed my 3rd blanket. I made it for a dear, dear friend of mine who has been going through a lot of hardship lately. Most of the time when someone is going through a tough time, we feel helpless and unable to help. I thought making her a blanket would help her at the end of her day when she can cuddle up, away from the world.

I made one for myself in pink, which is my favorite color. Her favorite color is purple, so I made her a duplicate one of mine in purple. I also bought her one of those lavendar neck pillows that you heat up in the microwave. It smells sooooo good and it feels sooooo good on the neck! I really hope she likes it. I've been kind of teasing her with small hints...lol! At first, she thought she knew what it was, then when I kept on giving hints, she became confused! LOL!

We will see how it goes! ..........Positive thoughts and prayers!...:-)

Almost Friday

It's almost friday. I'm not sure why, but I am so tired today.

One of my day care parents told me that I will be loosing her baby in a few weeks or a month. Her grandmother, the baby's great grandmother, will be opening her day care. However, she doesn't want a housefull of children...lol! She only wants her greatgrand baby and one additional child. She's 73 years old and working at Walmart. Apparently, Walmart is very disrespectful to their employees. I really like their baby. I will definitely miss him.

On a positive note, I had another mom interview for the day care. Her little girl is 2 years old and a bit fiesty...lol. We will have to take some time to establish who's boss...lol! Mom says she is a real mess at home. She even asked me for some discipline techniques. I told her, at 2 years old, she "might" be able to use timeout, but she may not stay there. Iwill have to work with her for a few weeks to see what her personality is like first. Sometimes, a simple technique of taking her favorite toy or offering her a favorite activity like painting can be an effective discipline technique. We'll see. She starts tomorrow.

I would really like to take on one more child because I have a school age child who will be terminated in May 2010. I really don't want to wait till the last minute to try to replace him.

The modification is going very slowly. I spoke with my rep yesterday. The banks are overwhelmed and allowing clients to fall through the cracks of the programs, thus loosing their homes. We have been keeping a close eye on my account. I did fall through the crack this last June 2010. We are fighting to get back on track. My rep says we are requesting a faster review. Says it shouldn't be a problem because it was the bank's fault. However, it still may take time for the bank to get to my account.....grrrrr!

Beautiful Rainy Weather

Even though the rainy weather effects the fibro negatively, I love it soooo much! The rainy weather is so cozy, clean and smells so good. It does mean the kids have to stay inside, but they can color and paint for the day. It's what we use to do when we were kids in daycare. Back then we called it "the Nursery", but it was a preschool/before & after school care set up. The winds have been a little high and the rain has been off and on moderate, just enough to hear it pour for a few minutes before it stops.

Well, today we brought the motorhome back from repair. Even though it is very old, and the water pump went out at a costly repair, the mechanic seems to think th engine is in pretty good shape. The plan is to seal the roof myself, then purchase and install the 3 roof vents with my son and/or my neighbor. I will use it, if I can, while I posted it to be sold on Craigslist and put up flyers. My concern is, I'm not too sure of future repairs. In the past, I have not been nervous about driving the motorhome. These days I am quite uncomfortable to drive it. Nothing has happened to make me fearful. I just don't get a good feeling about driving it...especially alone. The plan is to sell it :-(. I would really like to keep it, but I don't "feel" it to be a good idea.

The internship, on saturdays, is going real well. It is starting to bother me that I don't have saturdays to take care of business or get a break. I have talked to my supervisor briefly about it. She says to set my schedule the way "I" need it to be set. However, as a therapist, I feel I need to be reliable/dependable. Not sure what to do at this point. I must continue this opportunity for my not to distant future....decisions, decisions.

Positive thoughts and prayers!

Sorry To Say....

The bank has been giving me quite a bit of grief with the house for the past few months. Though my agent is really good about staying on top of things, apparently, the bank closed my file, denying me the mod on June 14th, 2010, claiming that they informed me of such. Obvsiously, they did not. Yes, this meant they applied a sale date of September 30th, 2010 to the house! I was furious!

Of course, it would have done me no good to throw my anger at them, so I got my business attitude on and started making phone calls. The frustration is, you get a different person each time you call and I swear they all see different things on the account that the other one did not see! You have to be pretty aggressive and know your business when dealing with these people!

After going round and round with many different bank reps, one finally told me that the mod was closed illegally. It was illegal because there was no one assigned to the file and it was closed without reason or documentation! I was totally shocked! This person was nice enough to tell me how to get it back going again. Apparently, they had absolutely no record of my being in the process of a modification while I am making payments under such a modification! They literally told me I was not in the system!

So, I contacted my agent and we got on immediately. That weekend, I began re-gathering all the documents so that monday, I would be able to run to the office and get with my agent who was on standby. Yes, I loaded up all the daycare kids and rushed down to the office on monday morning. We got it in! By 4:40pm, the following friday, I received a phone call from my agent that the modification was back official....:-D.

We did find out that they are taking so long, supposedly, because my income is not enough. During the summer, day care providers loose kids because parents offend have older siblings to look after the younger ones, so they take the younger ones out of day care. So, I did gain 3 more kids and sent that documentation along with the rest of the paperwork.

At this point, I am looking to gain an "extra" child in the day care, just for a little more financial stability. I don't think it will be a problem because I rarely have "all" 8 kids at the same time. Even if I take one more part time child, that would help a lot. Once this is all over with, I think I will feel soooo much better! It's been a year and 4 months that I've been trying to get this mod done! I have a few friend going through the same thing about the same time frame. We did them pretty much at the same time, give or take a few weeks.

I must hold on to my faith that it will turn out ok. God is soooo good!

Positive thoughts and prayers!......:-D

Interesting and Appreciative

I think it is so awesome how meeting new friends through blogging has made such a difference in my life. So many of you have inspired me to take a different view at various situations in my life.

Since I've been blogging, I've learned so much from others. Too often, we feel lost and alone in this world, which is why I beg blogging in the first place. So many of us have the same situations and have good ideas for each other. Sometimes we don't even realize it...lol.

I suppose one might say that blogging is quite therapeutic.

Positive thoughts and prayers!...:-D