Frustration, Success, Joy

Frustration:

After the day was over, and I had retreated to my bedroom to attempt my relaxation, refocusing process, I turned on the t.v., just for company. The first thing that appeared was a food commercial. It's no wonder people struggle with their eating habits and become so overweight. I am just as guilty as the next person.

Our society has become so fast paced that we grab and eat "on the way" or while doing something else like talking on the phone or going to a meeting. I find myself immediately changing the channel when those commercials come on. I am the first to admit, those commercials can be quite tempting!!...from McDonald's to Olive Garden. Though one can eat healthy at a restaurant, it can be quite costly. Television can make trying to eat at-home, healthy meals frustrating...at least for me!

Success:

I am happy to say, I did eat a "healthy" dinner at about 7:20 pm; hot dogs on wheat bread, baby raw carrots (love 'em) and apple slices :). Considering I need to go grocery shopping quite badly, I think it was a successful dinner. I even ate in the early evening. My daughter had come home early and had taken the baby. He had fallen asleep for his evening nap. I took advantage of that. I had one late nighter and had gotten him squared away 6:30 pm. The baby woke up just as I had finished eating dinner.

I prepared his dinner, which he did not want. Then I spead a comforter on the floor for him to move about and to play. He is crawling, pulling up and standing without holding on now! Yes, quite the active one! :)

My youngest son was having difficulty concentrating on his homework. When this happens, I have him to do it at the large desk in my room. That way, he can spread out, having good lighting and sit up, rather than lay across his bed or sit downstairs at the kitchen table alone. He did much better.

As I sat tending to my grandson, I began to think, this is ridiculous. It seems I can't take a bath because I have to look after my grand baby. So, believe it or not, I had a talk with the baby (7 mos old) to let him know that Nana was going to take a bath and he will be ok for a little while. I asked my son to keep an eye on him as I put him in his musical saucer. It worked out quite well. I felt great after my bath :). The baby fell asleep shortly after I got out of the tub.

It took a lot of concentration, but I did it!! I'm feel so jazzed today!

Joy:

Last night, as my late nighter left, I had tears in my eyes. This little guy, 4 years old, has been through a few transitions lately. His mom is a young single mom, living with her boyfriend (not the boy's biological father). The boyfriend tends to monopolize her time, leaving the poor boy to play alone. She and I have been talking about her situation. She has starting spending more time with him on a daily basis and following through with her discipline tactics.

His behavior has improved drastically! At first, she thought he was acting out with me because he was jealous of the attention "I'd" give the other kids. I did not feel that was true. I told him that if he ever felt 'icky' , like he wanted to say something that was not nice or wanted to do something that wasn't nice, like hitting or taking someones toy, he can use his words instead. I told him he could say, "Ms. Lori, I feel icky. I need a hug." He really liked that. I told him, "Ms. Lori always has lots and lots of hugs!" Though he spends a great deal of his time with me, I think all children are more influenced from those closest to them i.e mom and/or dad. Her changes at home have made that point very clear to her now. I am very proud of her :).

As he walked to the car last night, he said, "I love you Ms. Lori." He was such a different little boy. My heart was warmed as my eyes swelled with tears. Emotionally, children deserve all that they can get from their parents. When the world fails, (it has and always will), they look to us as their save refuge. We may not always be able to remove the pain, but we can certainly provide some comfort for them....reliable comfort that's always there.

I'm getting misty even now!! ... lol!

Do Something

I have got to do something about my weight. I am not excessively overweight, but I think I am fairly sedentary with the kids. I have to be with them at all times so my motion is quite limited. I'm afraid to get on the scale for fear of getting my feelings hurt.

I think for the past 3 weeks, since I had gotten sick, I have been trying to recuperate. I seemed to have fallen into a sluggish, fatigued stuper. My motivaton to do anything beyond the kids, has been nill....even the kids are to a minimum. I totally dislike feeling this way. It makes EVERYTHING a struggle.

I haven't been sleeping well either. I can't blame this on my grandson. Prior to falling into this stuper, I had adjusted to getting up with him and was doing well with my supplements. I've started my grandson on table veggies that I cook and do not season, then grind them up. This holds him a little longer through the night. He only wakes up twice rather than four times.

I try to eat early evening, but between the daycare and my grandson, I usually eat after my grandson goes to sleep and the daycare kids are gone or settled in if they are late nighters. This leaves me to eat dinner as late as 10 pm, only to go to bed on a full tummy!! That's a REAL no-no. Often times, if I even get to sleep, it is at 12 midnight. I get up at 6 am which is not too bad. It is such a struggle to get started in the morning.

I eat whatever is convenient which usually comes down to fast food or junk food. I do enjoy Chipotle but the other issue is money. It costs a lot to eat out, especially with two or three teenagers in tow! I can totally feel a difference in my clothes, they are more snug than a few weeks ago. NOT good!!

Before the my grandson, I was able to take my long, hot spa baths and do my stretching and simple exercises afterwards. This was working really well for me. I was loosing the weight and feeling great. I was eating salads and fresh fruits along with my supplements. Life was truly great.

I am slowly getting back to my regime. I have to remind myself that my boys can watch the baby while I take a bath. He is usually fed, bathe and playing by 7 or 7:30 pm. If I eat dinner at 6 pm or so, while the daycare kids are playing, that would, more than likely, make a big difference to my sleeping. If I get hungry later, I can go back to eating a piece of fruit or some yogurt. This may sound simple, but I have to MAKE myself think about it in order to do it. That is really sad. Otherwise, I go on auto-pilot by letting my body lead. I plan to improve the grocery list as well, to include more healthy snacks for me.

Hopefully, by monday, I will be closer to being back on some form of schedule for myself.

Prom Results

Everything was lined up and ready to go until we found out the place where a friend of ours was going to get the limo for free had gone out of business. Yes, bummer! However, we went on to plan B which was for my son to drive my car. I wasn't totally ok with this because, though he is a good driver, the prom was about an hour away. I told him if he follows a friend that I trust and that I have a talk with, I might consider it. He did find a friend who would be driving, that I knew and that I trusted, a female friend. I know both her and her date. When I spoke with her, she assured me she would drive carefully, that she understood how difficult it is to follow another driver and that she was familiar with the freeways in that area. So this was the plan. All together, there were 4 couples.

Saturday morning, the day of the prom, we went to get his hair trimmed and pick up the flowers. Those trips went very well. As soon as we pull into the driveway at about 2:40pm (the kids were to meet at the school at 3:30), the car...yes the one he was supposed to drive to the prom, began to overheat! At this point, I was going to take the car down the street to get detail while he got dressed. I called my mechanic immediately. I already knew the car wouldn't be ready in time. He said to let it cool for 20 mins., add some water and bring it over. In the meantime, we called rental car places which didn't work because he had to be 25 years old to be a legal driver, otherwise they charge an extra $27 per day. While I was on the phone with the rental car places, my son was on his cell calling friends to see if he could get a ride for himself and his date, which was a success.

We got the car to the mechanic and ended up leaving it there. He said it needed a bypass until I would be able to get the heat core fixed. Apparently, the fans weren't working and the heat core cracked, yes $450!! The bypass was fine for me at $60. When winter comes, hopefully I can get it fixed then. He said it is not uncommon for this to happen when the car has been sitting for a year and 7 months like mine did.

Anyway, we get to the school. The family was all there in support of him, as usual. This was really nice to see, but everyone depends on me to keep the system rolling'....keep that thought in mind. The couples are arriving one by one and getting the couples pictures taken in the gym. Everyone was done except for the driver and her date. He came first, very late and she came about 15 mins. after him. When they got there, they were so aloof!!

He arrived in his sneakers and proceeded to polish his dress shoes while he talked on the cell phone. When she finally arrived, she began talking to her friends about their outfits and where she had seen some of the accessories, etc. I'm quite tired as this point but maintained my happy face for the occasion. However, I felt they were not thinking about what was going on. The family all began looking my way. The photographer, a dear friend and the father of the young man who was going to do the limo for us, said "Everyone is getting antsy, maybe you should try to talk to her."

I approach her as she and her date are standing there, facing each other, him on the cell phone, looking at their flowers still in the closed, clear box. (At this time, there's no one in line for the pictures). I say to them, "Why are you looking at the flowers that way?" She says, "I don't know how to put them on and he's on the phone!" in almost a comical way. So, I took the initiative to put the flowers on them. Hers was just an elastic band for her wrist. She didn't know how to pin his to his lapel so I put it on him, but she insisted she wanted to do it herself, so we took it off and I helped her to do it. By now, the line for the pictures is quite long.

After their pictures had finally been taken, I began to rush all of them because time was really late by now. It was 5:20 or so when they got done. Their dinner reservations were at 5:30 pm and they still had to get there, some 20 mins away.

As we come out of the gym, I'm thinking, "Ok, they can load up the cars and get going." To my surprise, they forgot about the group pictures!! Yes, we had to set up and take more pictures; boys with the girls as a group, boys group and girls group. They did not get done until almost 6 pm!!! Finally, I said, "Ok, this is the last picture! You all have to get out of here!" So, off they went. Later in the evening, my son sent me a text letting me know that dinner went very well and they had a nice time :)....what a relief.

Later, he text me again, telling me that the girl (on the far right in the white dress) had taken the freeway in the wrong direction and they did not arrive to the prom until 10 pm. The prom was over at 11 pm. I was extremely disappointed for him. I encouraged him to have a good time with what time he had left and not to dwell on the late issue.

While at the prom, in this short little hour, his ex girlfriend asked him to dance and he said "Not now, maybe later." He wanted to respect his date. (Quick background: They broke up last year and this young lady just won't let go. She assumed he would ask her to go to the prom and she had planned a surprise for him. When she found out he had to intentions of going with her, she became really emotional and upset). As she walked away, she pushed him with her shoulder as she passed by. His friends said, earlier while at the prom, she had been acting out. After texting me, he moved on from that occurrence.

His best friend was there with her fiance'...there are issues behind this one too, but we won't go there. She wanted my son to meet the fiance'. I don't know what she told her fiance' about my son, but the fiance' was ready to fight! The girl had to make him leave early because her fiance' was that upset! All my children are gentle people. I did not raise them to fight like that. Sure, defend yourself, but not fight for the sake of fighting.

After the prom was over, they went to the beach and hung out for a while. He was home shortly after 2:00 am. Overall, he was glad he went, but extremely surprised by the situation with the two girls.

If you made it through this long blog, thanks for reading it! ....Presious

Feeling Better Today

I woke up feeling so much less "heavy" and "dreary" this morning :). What a relief! I am still taking the day quite slowly. My energy and my mood are so much better.

Yesterday, I only had two preschoolers and my grandson. I took advantage of having a small group. The school aged child that I usually pick up on thursday was picked up by his grandmother. I ran one errand.

My daughter came home and took her son for a few hours. I took advantage of having some down time. Once the two children had gone home, I even decided to treat myself to take out for dinner, healthy take out. Now that my son is driving, I sent him to go pick it up. While he went to pick up the food, my daughter had to leave. I fed and bathe my son then took my own spa bath. I wish this was my bathroom ...lol. After my bath, I followed with some stretches. My muscles were quite tight and painful.

When my son returned, he took my grandson so I was able to eat in peace. By the time I got him back, he was definitely ready to go to sleep. In fact, he pretty much put himself to sleep at about 9:15pm. I then relaxed with some television before falling asleep about 10:20pm.

Today went well. Tonight is friday and I will have two late-nighters. The plan is to wear them out in the backyard with lots of water. The weather is very warm today so it won't take much. Give them dinner and by then they will be ready to relax.

Tomorrow is prom for my 17 year old. Excitement for him and his friends. The limo fell through :(. My son was disappointed, but he didn't waste time in developing plan B. So, all is well. He goes for his hair cut/trim tomorrow at 11:00am followed by getting the flowers. Then we will take pictures!! I am so excited!!

Frustration, Still Very Tired

Perhaps I'm expecting too much of myself, but I am extremely frustrated this morning. Yesterday's routine went very well with the kids. In fact, my two oldest boys actually went to sleep! That is not normal for them. I think both of them were not feeling too well.

Anyway, I found myself to be relatively irritable last night. So, after the routine with the other kids, I settle down to play with my grandson so that he can become sleepy and go to sleep, which he did by 9:40pm. Just before the doorbell rang at 10:20pm or so, my grandson's head popped up! He was awake! It did not take long for him to go back to sleep. However, he did wake up three times last night. This is still somewhat normal for him. He does have nights where he only wakes up once, but three times is not unusual.

I don't think my tiredness is a result of my grandson's waking up at night. I think I am use to it now. I did think of one more thing this morning that could be the culprit. I haven't been sleeping very well at all for months now. friend recommended B-Stress PM to take before bedtime. In the beginning, about 2 months ago, it seemed to be working nicely.

I'm thinking maybe I don't need it like I did before or it has built up in my system. It may be too strong for the short amount of time that I have to sleep. I get an average of 5 & 1/2 hours of sleep per night. I think to take a sleeping supplement the requirement is 7 to 8 hours sleep. Tonight, I will eliminate that as well.

I've taken out coffee. I've stopped taking the cough syrup. I've stopped my vitamins. Now let's see what this will do. I feel like I did before I started taking my supplements and vitamins. I eliminated a few of them because I wasn't having those particular symptoms anymore i.e. the pain symptoms.

All was good until my allergies went haywire. My body seems confused as it tries to get back on track.

Another Possibility

I just thought of another possible reason for my lack of sleep and irritability. I've been taking some cough medicine at night as well. It's a new one that I decided to try. I had stopped taking it as I got better with my allergies. Then when my allergies seem to start over again, I started to take it again, but only a half a dose. I'm thinking this could have been what kept me up as well.

Hmmmm.... Perhaps this means coffee is not the culprit! :).

Either way, I will stay off the coffee for the rest of the week or until I get back to normal with my energy. I'm still coughing but nothing severe. Just that occasional cough as residual from the big one.

I did sleep better last night. Took a while to get to sleep, a bit restless. It was kind of warm last night so I opened both windows for some air and to hear the highway out back. I feel better today. Hopefully, the next few nights will provide better, solid sleep. Tonight and friday night I have late night kids til 10:30pm.

I've developed a system wherein I get the kids prepared for the night earlier i.e. dinner, beds, movies, feed the baby and put him in his pj's, get his bottle ready for later, even eat dinner earlier myself and have the kitchen cleaned. That way, by the time the last daycare kids leaves at 6:30 pm, the night kids just get time to play for bout an hour then they lay down with movies. At that time, I put on my pj's, brush my teeth, and relax until parents arrive to pick up their kids.

Relationship Drama

A friend of mine just came over for a bit this morning to talk about her frustration with her husband. He is being a bit mean and unwilling to help out in the household. They have their grandson while their daughter serves in Iraq. It seems her husband's expectations for their 7 year old grandson are a bit too high. He wants to "beat" him for the mishaps he does. She feels their grandson is doing some of the mishaps to gain his grandfather's attention. Very sad situation.

Grandpa was raised that a man doesn't show his feelings, the he sucks it up. He is trying to instill this same value in his 7 year old grandson. Not good. She is doing her best to show him contrary. Her grandson spends some of his time here at my house. He likes to talk and ask questions. I try to explain things to him and let him know, without talking bout his grandpa, how life works, how people are different, how people deal with things differently, just to give him some other perspectives.

It's rather sad because his face is so expressive. When he is sad, he tries so hard to be a big boy. Rather than complain, he gets really quiet. It's a very obvious difference in his behavior. When you ask him, "What's wrong?", he shrugs his shoulders and says, "Oh nothing. I'm fine."

If you don't have an idea of what is bothering him, it's hard to help him.