Monday, July 13, 2009

Something Else

I am feeling very "stuck" this morning. Frankly, I really do not want to do daycare. I feel horribly guilty. I love kids to the end, but I have done this for 17 years the first round. Then I went back to school and completed a Masters program. After three years, I am back doing daycare.

It's really not the kids themselves. I believe it is the circumstances that I really resent. Then to find out later that I was terminated because of my supervisor not doing her job efficiently. She thought by terminating me, it would straighten out whatever issue was going on at the time.

I truly try to look at the pros and cons. For every situation, there are pros and cons. I am tremendously grateful to have the daycare.Without it, I would not have income. However, I am not motivated to keep my interest going. Sure the kids are safe, clean, well fed, etc. But there's more to it than just that when it comes to daycare. There's crafts, lesson, storytime, trips to the park, etc. I feel incredibly guilty!!

I also feel extremely discouraged in this regard. I looked into possibly returning to the job market. Things did not look good. Half of my intern hours have expired. By the time I would be able to find a job, the rest of them would be expired. Most of the jobs out there are looking for a "licensed" therapist which really narrows the field way down. Not to mention, the cost itself to return to the field of about $800. Then, there's my grandson. He'd have to go to a daycare and we'd have to put out more money.

With all that said, I try so hard to push myself to work with the daycare. I just don't want to do it. I do have the environment set up for them to be pretty independent in thier self applications, but I don't feel that is enough.

I am soooo very disappointed, not motivated, feeling horribly guilty :( and do not know what to do.


Polly said...

Oh pres - what a predicament. Personally I think happiness is most important in life - so if you are not happy, I think you need to work out what you can do to make yourself feel more fulfilled. Maybe you could look at other employment options which may help to get you where you need?
Lots of luck.

presious said...


I absolutely agree with you. However, in our area, we have to commute because we are a small, county city with few opportunities. I have no problem with commuting,but when I did my research for my field, I need to be licensed. THere are very few positions for non-licensed therapist in my field.

Due to lack of children in the daycare, money is really tight. I have to do something about the budget in order to gain the funds to finance my licensing program.

Keep those positive thoughts coming! :) I will get there. Might take some time, but I will get there!