Thursday, November 12, 2009

Been Awhile

It's been alittle while since I've posted. I am feeling so "brain-tired" lately. As I have mentioned before, I try to stay on top of things in order to prevent any major catastrophies. My sister says I am too controlling. I just might be so.
Often, very often, I feel a lot rests on my shoulders. I don't want to whine or complain. I'm sure I'm not the only one in my position. Being a single parent, even though my children are pretty much grown, it seems I am the foundation to most of our living. I suppose, being the parent, to a certain extent it is suposed to be that way. My kids are good kids. They contribute where they can. At the same time, they are still "kid-minded" when it comes to mom, as most kids are.

I think I try very hard to make home comfortable and safe for them is because my mom was very emotional. She would have extreme, intense emotional swings. Though I understood it as I grew into my teens, it was fairly difficult to live with. I'm very thankful for my grandmother (her mother) who would allow me to live with her from time to time, as long as I wanted.

I too, have my share of emotional swings, but not nearly as severe as my mom's. My motivation was/is to provide for my children differently. To communicate with them and allow them to communicate with me. My effort as been to be completely opposite of controlling. I have raised my children to be disciplined, polite and respectful, which I feel they have achieved very well.

There is no instruction manual for raising our children. Our own childhood becomes our blueprint to life itself. I feel his blueprint is what guides in life. I am very passionate about being a parent. This is where I think my controlling nature comes in.

I don't want my children to hurt or to be hurt. I am very protective as any mother would be. I consider the fact that, I am getting older and I may not be here one day. My effort has always been, especially as they are young adults, to train them to handle life; from jobs to paying bills to getting their car repaired to being professional and anything else in between. All of them do very well. Our communication is very open.

In a nutshell, this is the foundation of my anxieties. Unfortunately, it seems, in my effort to endure life's punches for my children, I've become almost obsessed with keeping a sound, strong, safe home front for my children. My mother had her ways, but she loved us dearly. We were her life. I am thankful to her sister and her mother who, along with my mom, have filled in so many of the gaps in my life to make me the mom I am today.

I don't know where all this is coming from, but it was on my heart. Thanks for listening. Life is just too short not to appreciate so many of the things we take for granted....such as our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and our children.

May my mom and her mother rest in peace.....DOD 1999 (mom) & DOD 2008 (grandmother)


lori vliegen said...

i'm sorry that you're having some anxieties.....i truly understand where you're coming from! i think it's wonderful that you want only the best for your are a good mother, and you want to know that your kids are safe and happy!! in today's world, that isn't as easy as it was when we were their age. the important thing, though, is that they know that you love them.....and i can see that you show them love every day, not only in the things you say, but the things you do for them! :))

Linda and her Twaddle said...

I can only imagine the level of anxiety when you have four children. I have only one and get that. But think how you have looked at your own childhood with great awareness and turned your parenting skills into good ones.

You teach your children good life skills and it seems like it has paid off. I think that you will always be absorbing the pain of their ups and downs - and would gladly take it for them. Isn't that part of being a mother though.

Being controlling is not a bad thing by the way. If you are aware that you are sometimes a bit too controlling, then it will allow you to back off a bit when you need to.

Besides, the last think you want to be is out of control!

When I grew up, my home was one of domestic violence, moving house and changing schools. I made the choice, as an parent, to have a peaceful home, same house, same suburb, same primary and soon to be same high school for my son. So, I suppose I am controlling in that sense, just trying to get it right.

It is very interesting to think about what motivates us to be good parents.

presious said...

Thanks Lori,

I try so hard because they are only this age (or any age) once. It can take one bad experience to ruin our children. One experience can truly set the stage for those to come. I can't prevent all negatives in their lives, which is not my goal. My goal is to "teach" them how to handle them and still feel truly good about themselves after having done the "best" they were able to give.

Thank you for your compliments! :)


I absolutely agree with you completely! My childhood was total caos and completely unpredictable, whicn in and of itself, I'm sure, is the reason I am so "controlling". I really really want my children to have emotional stability and to be able to be home and totally feel "safe". That is soooo important to me. The world can be very, very cruel. Home should be our refuge, our safe place.

I am sorry for your childhood. You are very succesful at providing a good, safe, comfortable home for your son. You're right. That is what being a parent is all about.