Thank you for your response to "What Do You Do?". You are right, it is very heart breaking. My heart felt for her so much. I couldn't imagine what she must be feeling, even today.
The family came over yesterday evening and updated me on the situation. The two members that came were her sister and brother-in-law. They wanted to know what had happened from my perspective since everyone was so very upset and I was on the outside so-to-speak. They also explained some significant family history with some very old school, generational dysfunctions. This poor girl, being the youngest in the immediate family at 20 years old, has become the scapegoat/target of the family's dysfunctions. This has been going on for a very, very long time. All that in addition to her being born possibly a drug baby.
She has never had any real support. The family really seems to be in denial of her symptoms i.e. possibly biopolar with signficant depression and major anxiety. Their expectations of her is that of a 20 year old when in reality, emotionally, she may be 12 or 13 years old. Therefore, they would need to expect her to have the behavior of a young teenager and not a young adult woman.
I spoke with the family and pointed out these aspects. The sister and brother-in-law understood and decided to create a plan of taking her to live with them in order to provide her with some guidance and to allow her feel secure and loved. The other members of the family were quite angry and maintained their higher expectations of her while making fairly extreme accusations.
This is only a crumb in this child's experience. I can not begin to tell you some other aspects of this child's experience in this family. Ignorance comes at a high price to those on the receiving end. It is a sad situation when human beings are incapable of learning new skills to help, not only themselves, but those loved ones that are very close to them. In the end, they all suffer. The family system is quite dynamic, both positively and negatively.
The hope is that, once she moves in with her sister, she will take steps and make progress towards healing. It will not come overnight, but she has to start somewhere. The permanent relocation won't happen til June, however, they want to pick her up this friday and keep her for a few weeks, and periodically, until June. There are some things that need to be straightened out before the final move.
Keep the prayers coming for this family and many others who are going through the same experience.
Much Love!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
What do you do?
Last night was heart breaking for me as an event occurred with my neighbor and dear friend from across the street. She is a wonderful mother and wife. I have always admired her for how well she handles her husband and children of a blended family.
One of the daughters, all five of the kids are grown, was exposed to drugs in the womb by the biological mother. My friend is the stepmom. As a result of this exposure, this particular daughter will always have emotional difficulties from time to time i.e. irrational, anger issues, explosive, tell untruths, etc. For the most part, she remains stable until she feels threatened.
Recently, the daughter lost her boyfriend, somewhat due to her mental irrationalities. Her greatgrand mother passed away last week and her father, who is her strong hold, had to go to New York for the services. So, basically, she has had some major losses very recently.
Well, last night every thing came to a head and she had a major melt down and tried to cut her wrists. I don't think she was trying to "kill" herself because she did not cut horizontally, rather she cut vertically, as if she was trying to create a release valve for all the anxieties she was feeling.
During the ordeal, her stepmom ordered her sister to come get me to assist in calming things down. I ran over to help. The police had already been called, which they responded very well and in a caring fashion. They send 6 police units, a fire engine and an ambulance! They handled her very well as they took her in for a 5150. After it all had calmed down, I sat with my friend for a few hours and we talked. I very, very, very difficult situation to live with. At any given time, the daughter can have a melt down. In tha past, she has attacked the family with knives and fighting. Quite naturally, they will see about medicating her, however, the pattern is typcially that when they start to feel better, they stop taking the medication, then they start all over again.
I worked in juvenile hall for about a year (before being terminated due to the economy), in the high security unit. It was hard to watch these teenagers who had similar issues and had resorted to the streets for guidance and, thus, ended up locked up. Often, these kids would have melt downs, even become suicidal. It was my job to evaluate and cousel with them. Many of them were broken as very young children. Many days, I drove home worried or in tears behind these young men who had become so hardened by street life due to circumstances that were not their own. Sometimes, once the damage is done, there is no turning back.
Again, I ask, what do you do?....very sad
One of the daughters, all five of the kids are grown, was exposed to drugs in the womb by the biological mother. My friend is the stepmom. As a result of this exposure, this particular daughter will always have emotional difficulties from time to time i.e. irrational, anger issues, explosive, tell untruths, etc. For the most part, she remains stable until she feels threatened.
Recently, the daughter lost her boyfriend, somewhat due to her mental irrationalities. Her greatgrand mother passed away last week and her father, who is her strong hold, had to go to New York for the services. So, basically, she has had some major losses very recently.
Well, last night every thing came to a head and she had a major melt down and tried to cut her wrists. I don't think she was trying to "kill" herself because she did not cut horizontally, rather she cut vertically, as if she was trying to create a release valve for all the anxieties she was feeling.
During the ordeal, her stepmom ordered her sister to come get me to assist in calming things down. I ran over to help. The police had already been called, which they responded very well and in a caring fashion. They send 6 police units, a fire engine and an ambulance! They handled her very well as they took her in for a 5150. After it all had calmed down, I sat with my friend for a few hours and we talked. I very, very, very difficult situation to live with. At any given time, the daughter can have a melt down. In tha past, she has attacked the family with knives and fighting. Quite naturally, they will see about medicating her, however, the pattern is typcially that when they start to feel better, they stop taking the medication, then they start all over again.
I worked in juvenile hall for about a year (before being terminated due to the economy), in the high security unit. It was hard to watch these teenagers who had similar issues and had resorted to the streets for guidance and, thus, ended up locked up. Often, these kids would have melt downs, even become suicidal. It was my job to evaluate and cousel with them. Many of them were broken as very young children. Many days, I drove home worried or in tears behind these young men who had become so hardened by street life due to circumstances that were not their own. Sometimes, once the damage is done, there is no turning back.
Again, I ask, what do you do?....very sad
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Relieved!
I just dropped the mortgage payment in the mail right now! What a relief! Being two kids down in the daycare has made the budget quite tight. :You know how I do it, I look ahead and try to avoid mishaps before they happen...from groceries to bills to paying the mortgage. This is how it pays off! :) Above and beyond is that of my faith in God! He is awesome! Let me tell you, prayer works!
I also have a potentially new little girl for the daycare. Her mom is a go-getter, single parent, pursing her masters in social work and working while raising two teenagers and a adolescent. I've been there and done that while raising four kids. It can definitely be a challenge, but can absolutely be done! She and I talked for a very long time. Her schedule will be a bit crazy, but I really like helping people to accomplish their dream. The world is not meriful at all so we have to do whatever we can to get around some major obstacles. I am more than thrilled to help.
I feel pretty good this morning. Already have the meatloaf in the oven, cooked a pot of rice and the green beans were done yesterday. My grandson is doing quite well. He is on the floor more and more for tummy time. Getting soooo big! In fact, it's time to go buy him another batch of clothes! He is doing well with his sleeping schedule both day and night. When the daycare kids are playing outside, I put him in the high chair and set it outside too. He gets so excited cause he wants to go play! :) Before we know it, he will be out there too.
Yes, Polly, the ice cream was just the right thing for dinner! It really hit that spot and tasted sooo good! :).....no guilt either LOL!
I also have a potentially new little girl for the daycare. Her mom is a go-getter, single parent, pursing her masters in social work and working while raising two teenagers and a adolescent. I've been there and done that while raising four kids. It can definitely be a challenge, but can absolutely be done! She and I talked for a very long time. Her schedule will be a bit crazy, but I really like helping people to accomplish their dream. The world is not meriful at all so we have to do whatever we can to get around some major obstacles. I am more than thrilled to help.
I feel pretty good this morning. Already have the meatloaf in the oven, cooked a pot of rice and the green beans were done yesterday. My grandson is doing quite well. He is on the floor more and more for tummy time. Getting soooo big! In fact, it's time to go buy him another batch of clothes! He is doing well with his sleeping schedule both day and night. When the daycare kids are playing outside, I put him in the high chair and set it outside too. He gets so excited cause he wants to go play! :) Before we know it, he will be out there too.
Yes, Polly, the ice cream was just the right thing for dinner! It really hit that spot and tasted sooo good! :).....no guilt either LOL!
Monday, March 9, 2009
A Productive Weekend
The weekend was so good. My boys and I accomplished so many little things that needed to be done for such a long time. That is such a good feeling! Let's see, we stained the driveway fence, we took two loads to the thrift store, one load to the trash, swept & mopped the kitchen floors and washed the kitchen area rugs, changed the furniture around in the loft to better house the night care kids, and cleaned the boys' bathroom....whew!! As our treat for so much work, we watched movies in our pj's and with our big blankets. That was all on saturday! Sunday, we ran a few errands, picked up some burgers and went to late service.
We also took Polly's summer suggestion and had ice cream for dinner!
We also took Polly's summer suggestion and had ice cream for dinner!
Friday, March 6, 2009
A New Plan
Today, my ex called (I suppose I should call him by his name, Clovis) and suggested I move back to San Diego by the end of the summer. This suggestion, though not a bad one, caused my brain to flip-flop. It threw me for a loop because if it were that easy, I would be there already Lol! I do know him well and that is his way of having me and the kids closer so that he can better help when times get a little tough.
Clovis is not the first person who has made a few suggestions that have caused me to reflect "back". I use the term "back" because these are areas of my life I left due to major discomforts. The thought of returning brings about very mixed feelings. It's been almost four years since we moved from San Diego. A lot has changed for the better. To move back would be like stepping back into the past but as a new, different person. Kind of like visiting your old school now that you are all grown up. Just not sure.
I think I mentioned that a very, very old and dear friend of mine, David, called me the other day. He suggested I take the licensing exam again. This is still an extremely sensitive area for me. I already explained my termination from my job in '07 and having taken the exam two weeks later. I was already scheduled to take several months before being terminated. Needless to say, I failed the exam by 11 points! It was the usual 4 hour exam and I was very, very, very emotional due to loosing my job.
Long story short, it is just interesting how two people, who have known many, many years are suggesting I re-visit areas of my past. I'm not sure how I feel about that....about the actual suggestions. Personally, I feel it is their way of trying to help. For me, all is pretty well with exception of a temporary financial set back. My thoughts say, I will get a few kids for the daycare in due time and things will be ok.
I must be careful not to let someone else's need be my own.....there! Whew! Thank you for listening! Lol!
Clovis is not the first person who has made a few suggestions that have caused me to reflect "back". I use the term "back" because these are areas of my life I left due to major discomforts. The thought of returning brings about very mixed feelings. It's been almost four years since we moved from San Diego. A lot has changed for the better. To move back would be like stepping back into the past but as a new, different person. Kind of like visiting your old school now that you are all grown up. Just not sure.
I think I mentioned that a very, very old and dear friend of mine, David, called me the other day. He suggested I take the licensing exam again. This is still an extremely sensitive area for me. I already explained my termination from my job in '07 and having taken the exam two weeks later. I was already scheduled to take several months before being terminated. Needless to say, I failed the exam by 11 points! It was the usual 4 hour exam and I was very, very, very emotional due to loosing my job.
Long story short, it is just interesting how two people, who have known many, many years are suggesting I re-visit areas of my past. I'm not sure how I feel about that....about the actual suggestions. Personally, I feel it is their way of trying to help. For me, all is pretty well with exception of a temporary financial set back. My thoughts say, I will get a few kids for the daycare in due time and things will be ok.
I must be careful not to let someone else's need be my own.....there! Whew! Thank you for listening! Lol!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Oneself....
Hey Polly,
THank you so much for your encouragement. Taking care of yourselves is so important. My motivation, unfortunately, is stress. I don't like the way it feels so I strive hard to detour the feelings. We can only do our best with circumstances. Once we have done all that we can do, we have let it go until the next step comes into view. Until that point, there's no sense in pondering over it.
Considering the economy and how tough things are right now, I am doing fairly well for a single parent doing it all pretty much alone. My children's father is a very good man. We both agree, even 12 and a half years later, that we should have remained best friends. However, we have four beautiful children now. He has been very good about child support, but I make it a point to not go beyond that. Two of our four kids are no longer on child support. One will be off child support come June. THat will leave one more to go for four more years. Needless to say, this affects my income. The kids are well behaved young adults. We are very blessed considering what young people are exposed to today.
I am a warrior. I look over the horizon of life and try to prepare for upcoming battles, such as decreasing child support. That allows me to try to make adjustments. Finaces are my biggest concern. Debt scares me to the bone! I'm constantly looking over the bills, making sure there are no mistakes by the bill collector so I pay nothing extra. I am in constant contact with my bill people and have a pretty good relationship with them Lol! They track my contact with they via computer, of course. Such contact has proven good for me... small deductions along the way :).
All this said and done, including running the daycare, it is extremely important to maintain good mental functioning. As with anyone, stress can swallow us up and cause more damage to our health than we can ever imagine. I don't believe doctors always know what they are talking about, therefore, we have to be active towards our own good health as well. For example, I prefer supplements to medication. Although we have to be just as careful with supplements, they tend to have far less side effects than medication.
I encourage everyone to take care of themselves, especially if you are a parent, with or without a mate. A hot bath or shower, and getting plenty of rest, better plenty of sleep, makes a huge difference!
Carry on ladies!!
THank you so much for your encouragement. Taking care of yourselves is so important. My motivation, unfortunately, is stress. I don't like the way it feels so I strive hard to detour the feelings. We can only do our best with circumstances. Once we have done all that we can do, we have let it go until the next step comes into view. Until that point, there's no sense in pondering over it.
Considering the economy and how tough things are right now, I am doing fairly well for a single parent doing it all pretty much alone. My children's father is a very good man. We both agree, even 12 and a half years later, that we should have remained best friends. However, we have four beautiful children now. He has been very good about child support, but I make it a point to not go beyond that. Two of our four kids are no longer on child support. One will be off child support come June. THat will leave one more to go for four more years. Needless to say, this affects my income. The kids are well behaved young adults. We are very blessed considering what young people are exposed to today.
I am a warrior. I look over the horizon of life and try to prepare for upcoming battles, such as decreasing child support. That allows me to try to make adjustments. Finaces are my biggest concern. Debt scares me to the bone! I'm constantly looking over the bills, making sure there are no mistakes by the bill collector so I pay nothing extra. I am in constant contact with my bill people and have a pretty good relationship with them Lol! They track my contact with they via computer, of course. Such contact has proven good for me... small deductions along the way :).
All this said and done, including running the daycare, it is extremely important to maintain good mental functioning. As with anyone, stress can swallow us up and cause more damage to our health than we can ever imagine. I don't believe doctors always know what they are talking about, therefore, we have to be active towards our own good health as well. For example, I prefer supplements to medication. Although we have to be just as careful with supplements, they tend to have far less side effects than medication.
I encourage everyone to take care of themselves, especially if you are a parent, with or without a mate. A hot bath or shower, and getting plenty of rest, better plenty of sleep, makes a huge difference!
Carry on ladies!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Victorious Muttling
Despite the muttling and stuggling, the week has been victorious...so far. It was quite a difficult start on monday. Being a single parent, sometimes, one has to do some self-pampering and nurturing in order to get ourselves back on our feet both physically and emotionally. So, a few spa baths and supplements later with a few good restful nights, I'm back in the captian's seat. Last week was a huge struggle....its a girl thang, that's all I can say. This week is back to normal...whatever normal may be cause it is definitely relative, Lol!
Well, I am still down two children in the daycare, but I am definitely enjoying little Tyler. He is an extremely bright little boy who knows his letters, numbers and shapes all by random identification. We spent much of the day doing projects. Since he likes the sky and it is rainy season with gray skies today, I helped him to make a mobile. Afterwards, we did some fine motor exercises by writing his letters and doing some coloring. He is such a delight to watch! Awesome facial expressions. We are working on expanding his extremely limited array of food choices. Very, very picky. We are making efforts to add a different food each week. Last week was peanut butter and jelly...what little one doesn't like peanut butter and jelly....Tyler, Lol! This week it is apple slices, with no skin of course. He is doing very well considering he's never had them before to my knowledge.
It's been a comfortable day. My own symptoms are at a minimum lately. Feels really good. I've been slacking on my stretches because I've been in such discomfort. Kinda a catch 22. Stretches help relieve the discomfort, but if too much discomfort, can't perform the stretches. Feeling good today. Can't overdo it.
I really enjoy reading the blogs, helps make the day a bit more exciting. Keep them going ladies!
Always, Presious
Well, I am still down two children in the daycare, but I am definitely enjoying little Tyler. He is an extremely bright little boy who knows his letters, numbers and shapes all by random identification. We spent much of the day doing projects. Since he likes the sky and it is rainy season with gray skies today, I helped him to make a mobile. Afterwards, we did some fine motor exercises by writing his letters and doing some coloring. He is such a delight to watch! Awesome facial expressions. We are working on expanding his extremely limited array of food choices. Very, very picky. We are making efforts to add a different food each week. Last week was peanut butter and jelly...what little one doesn't like peanut butter and jelly....Tyler, Lol! This week it is apple slices, with no skin of course. He is doing very well considering he's never had them before to my knowledge.
It's been a comfortable day. My own symptoms are at a minimum lately. Feels really good. I've been slacking on my stretches because I've been in such discomfort. Kinda a catch 22. Stretches help relieve the discomfort, but if too much discomfort, can't perform the stretches. Feeling good today. Can't overdo it.
I really enjoy reading the blogs, helps make the day a bit more exciting. Keep them going ladies!
Always, Presious
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