SIck & Tired!

I am so sick and tired of people thinking that just because I work from home looking after children that they can just come over and hang out! I run a business. If I came to your job, outside of your home, I would have to abide by those rules of your job. I couldn't come in there, bring friends, bring a radio and hamburgers and "hangout". To me that is a form of disrespect whether you work in the home or out of the home.

My daughter just got upset with me just now because I have an appointment to look at making changes to my mortgage. She is legal able to look after the day care. She has been fingerprinted and everything. The appointment is at 3:00pm today. She asked me if her friend can come over while I am gone!

First of all, as I explained, I run a business. Though licensing doesn't come by very often, they are supposed to do random visits. Secondly, I haven't met this guy. I am responsible for these children under my care. I don't know him! She works with him and has talked about him. He "seems" "ok", but I've never spoken to him or met him. For me, it is more of the principle that I run a business. Her boss would not let him come in, on his off hours, and just "kick it." I told her he can come over after hours.

Besides that, in running a business, I have a schedule to maintain. The kids eat lunch and take nap at a certain time. That is when I get my break, while they are sleeping. Otherwise, I get exhausted and cranky which is extremely not ok with a house full of children. I know what works for me, I know what to do in order to ensure that I am functioning at maximum ability. I don't have a staff to relieve me or pull some of the weight. When "visitors" are here, it is terribly distracting for the kids and, therefore, for me.

Yes, I have one of the grandparents of one of my school aged kids come over sometimes. However, she does have a child in my care. When she does come over, she is not an intrusion. She helps with the kids, changes diapers, helps with them outside, helps with lunch time, etc. I actually look forward to her being here. There is no comparison to my friend vs. my dauther's friend.

I dont feel I should have to explain myself in this regard!!....especially to my daughter!! I make my boys abide by the same rules. When my friend's son asks to come over, simply because he is bored at home, I tell him the same thing.

Sorry for being so angry, but it bothers me a lot! I don't have any support in my household and I am not asking for any. However,do not take advantage of me or have disrespectful expectations of me.

Lately

A lot has been going on for the past few days...almost a week. I've been, as the kids say, "getting my hussle on" with my mortgage and the daycare. I have a lot of things in the works.

For the daycare, and my new friend, I have been on a website mission!! It was quite interesting. I went to the bank drive thru window, while waiting in line, I looked across the parking lot and I noticed a very long, white van. It did not have any business logos on it, it was just plain white. I wondered if it were my new found friend. I let it go because there was no way I was going to run up to a stranger and ask questiong...lol!

So, I get done and I go get gas. Low and behold, there is the same white van. Again, I dismiss the thought. As I am pumping my gas, I hear someone call my name, "Looriii!" . I think to myself, it must be my new found friend! Excited, I called her name back! Yes, it was her! It was so exciting for us both to meet each other. We talked for a while, peeked into each others vans, exchanged ideas and noted to get together soon.

As a result of having talked with her, I have become a website mad woman! I have searched every website I could get my eyes on and posted the daycare. I did get a few hits, but so far, nothing has come of them. I also re-posted in the PennySaver as well. Beginning next month, my budget will be down by $1200 per month!! Which brings me to my next adventure, lol!

I am back in the game to modify my home again. I want to go through an attorney this time because I just don't trust the mortgage company to be fair. My home is with Chase Home Finance. I spoke to several agencies. Some I liked. Most I did not. The one I really felt comfortable with is quite costly. I truly cringe at such an amount of money, but they all are pretty much the same. I doing a lot of homework before making any moves on this. I simply can't stay in the loan that I have. Besides, I feel it is simply ridiculous the way these banks are getting away with highway robbery!! More to come when I get it all figured out.

Well, immediately following my chance meeting with my new found friend, we loaded up and drove to my daughter's graduation from UC Irvine!. It was soooo exciting! All the family on my ex-husband's side were there! Yes, we totally made so much noise when they called her name, LOL! Afterwards, we went to dinner and took lots and lots of pictures. Once again, I forgot my camera. My husband's wife is going to email some of them to me.

My grandson is getting four more teeth all at the same time. He is a little trooper about it :). Occasionally, he has a tough time, but overall, he is doing very well. He also took his first step a few days ago. We don't think he realized it because he won't do it again, lol! Every time we stand him up to have him take the step, he does the stinky with his nose, puts his head back, laughs then falls down or into our arms, lol! A very cute stage.

Well, that's what's going on. If I take a while to get back to blogland, you all understand why :), LOL!

Much love to you all!

New Avenues

Things have been going very well this week. I have been inspired by a fellow day care provider who spotted my phone number from the magnetic sign on my van. She called me because, like myself, she desires to connect to fellow providers in the area.

We talked for very long time. We immediately connected. She has a large facility (12 children) with a helper. Even still, she says, she has those days where she really drags and has fatigue. She says, she knows that she has to get out of the house to help curtail those feelings. She explained how she has to just push her way through it until those feelings subside. I also explained to her how I'd like to get a support group together to meet once or twice per month. We talked about meeting at the park so every one can bring their daycare and give the kids a day out at the same time. We agreed to get together in the very near future.

She told me about a website where you can go and try out your own web page for a month free! If I decide to keep it, the fee is as low as $15.00 a month! So, I will be doing that too. Right now, I advertise in the PennySaver at $100 per month! Big difference! We have so much in common from our families, to our education to our career backgrounds to our current life status of child care providers and our spirituality.

It was so awesome to connect with her. She lives the next community over, basically the next exit off the freeway. I am very inspired by her.

"Coop-up-itis" aka At Home, Isolated, Alone

Lately, I've been telling people that I simply don't like people as a reason why I don't get out more. However, lately, I'm wondering if it is the other way around. Because I don't get out more, I've become somewhat uncomfortable around people.

By reading the other blogs, I have learned that one has to be extremely careful with a job or lifestyle of isolation. As you know, I did day care in my home for 17 years prior to returning to school and working for a few years before getting terminated from my job. That termination forced me back into day care from my home. I love children, but I am so struggling with this depression/isolation issue.

Though my spa baths work wonders, it seems I should focus more on finding some sort of social network whether it be with other child care providers (which I have been searching for) or in other circles, preferrably a craft circle of some sort.

Ms. FFF, I couldn't imagine being on a farm, out in the middle of nowhere's ville, all alone. My heart goes out to you. Positive thoughts. Here in Elsinore, it is fairly country in lifestyle. I live in a newer development on the other side of the freeway. The mentality in our city is very laid back, slow country style. The city simply does not offer a whole lot of recreational groups unless you are into boating, motorbike racing and hot rods. Therefore, I will have to expand my horizons to the neighboring cities.

I also have a background in counseling. I have always wanted to get a women's group together just to vent and share ideas. Women carry a lot of the family and household load. We change hats a lot! Support is important for us. Because I am not in the field of counseling any longer, I hesitate in making this happen. Should a discussion open up sensitive areas for someone, it is possible the outcome can be very devastating for that individual. I suppose I could call 911 or report any abuse to Child Protective Services, but it seems like a huge responsibility that I really don't want to take on.

All of you who have shared in your experiences have helped me to gain a better understanding of what has been going on with me. For that, I am extremely greatful!

Another Day's End

Well, another day has come to end, as far as working the daycare. Overall, it has been a good day. I had a small group today and nothing to do this evening except relax with my grandson. He has grown to be quite the busy one these days. He's standing alone for long periods and stepping while holding on, at least, with one hand.

When I first set out to blog, I wanted to learn new ways to get through some tough times. As I reflect on todays readings, I have learned that many people go through the exact same things that I go through. Somehow, I find that a relief.

Being so isolated and my job being in the house, it seems this is where most of my life is. I call it "cooped-up-itis." To transition to another place i.e. changing closes, getting into the car, adjusting to a new environment, etc. can be quite challanging. One develops a comfort zone when in the same place or space for an extended amount of time. Sometimes, the world outside can feel almost threatening, quite uncomfortable.

Blogging has really helped to kind of break that cycle for me. It is still difficult to make the transition into other environments, but I'm working on it. It has been a challenge.

Thanks all you bloggers! :)

What I Really Want to Say Sometimes

I read a post today from "Woman in the Window". I admire people when they can put situations, feelings, circumstances in such words that lots of people can relate to.

I try so hard not to whine, to say positive, to not have a pity party, but I do have those times where I am just "done". I feel there's no room for me to do anything for me. It's all about running the house, taking care of the kids, paying the bills, buying groceries, etc. There are times when I don't have time to take a bath....my kind of bath i.e. candles, bath salts, bubble bath.

Other times, I'm just feel just tired. Even when I have slept well, the bills are paid, kids doing well, I just can't figure it out. I want to go but don't want to go, want to stay but want to go.

I just love the way "Woman in the Window" described this dilema. Apparently, lots of people go through it. Question is, what do we do to handle it? For me, taking a long hot bath is the sure thing, however, time usually does not permit. Is it the times we live in? Is it the lifestyle we have carved for ourselves?

Interesting....

I Have Come to the Conclusion...

I have simply come to the conclusion that I must be a spoiled brat. This is a characteristic that was developed by my mother and made to be put in to action by my sisters as well. Yes, I am the youngest...of three girls. In fact, I was SO spoiled that I sucked a bottle until I was SEVEN years old!! My step father made a stool for me to make it myself!!!...:) Is that crazy or what? LOL!

Even looking at pictures of myself when I was quite young, most of them are of me pouting or having just finished crying. In fact, there is one of me with my sister and our mother, one of us on either side of her. I remember this day. I did n ot want my sister to be on my mother so I pinched her and when she pinched me back, I had just started to cry when they snapped the picture! How old were we? I was probably three years old which made her four years old. My mother kept us dressed very prissy; A-line dresses and satin hair ribbons with paten leather strap over shoes, you know, the Mary Janes.

I have come to this conclusion here recently because of my state of mind from time to time as an adult. I must constantly remind myself of the nice things in my life. It seems the smallest thing can cause me to become "bratty", for lack of a better term. I thought I had outgrown these characteristics, but apparently not...LOL!

Will have to work on that some more :)