It's that time again...The Final Round

On the way to taking my youngest boy, 15 years old, to school this morning, we had that good old discussion about driving. In another month or so, he will be driving the Jetta aka Princess...lol! Yes, she is fully equipped girlie with flower ed seat covers that the boys are not allowed to change as they drive it!...lol! Still "Mom's" car. :-D Wow! He is my last child of four! He's bound for independence at it's greatest...lol! The immediate benefits will be awesome. He can drive himself to school and bring himself home. He can run his own errands too! Whooohooo!

Yes, I am a mom who is pretty much ready for empty nest syndrome. After watching my first three go through to adulty hood, I pretty much have an idea of what to expect. I have come to the conclusion that they are "supposed" to have that desire to explore the world by age 18 or so. Me, I was a very content child. Even today, I'm not much on social outings. I like solitude and quietness.

I think my kids and I have that bond in the heart, wherein we will always keep in touch no matter what. I've had lots of practice with letting go. My daughter has returned home a couple of times and left out again. Actually, so has my oldest boy. My middle boy planned smart by staying home to attend school and work part time. Both my daughter (my oldest) and my middle boy (third oldest) are planning to move in together when my daughter buys her first house in the next few months.

I am really happy with how my children have progressed and built their lives. Yes, we have had our share of difficult times. Hopefully, I have been a good enough mother to have taught them how to overcome those future hurdles that will come in their lives.

I think my kids and I have a bond, in out hearts, wherein we will always keep in tough no matter what. For that, I am truly blessed and very, very appreciative.

Seasonal Change

We have truly entered into Spring. My sinuses are really feeling the transition i.e. runny/itchy nose and eyes...Grrrr! If I am not careful, I can get a sinus infection. Not ready for that...obviously.

I am happy to say, after my youngest son, 15 years old, and I had a long disagreement on monday evening, he has improved in his morning routine, drastically! What a relief, at least for now...lol! He has been ready to walk out the door on time in the morning. He has actually began moving faster. Yesterday, when I arrived at the school to pick him up, I arrived 10 mins early. Low and behold, there he was! WOW! We have been tug-o-warring over this issue, of him being out and in on time, for a very, very long time!

Yes, I praised him over and over again. I told him how proud I was of him too! He said he likes it when I "talk" to him rather than become so angry and "yell" at him....lol!

He said, what helped him was when I asked him, "What do you need to be on time?" Although I did not ask that question from the perspective of my last blog entry, apparently, his interpretation was different. I was asking what he needed in terms of gathering his track equipment, notebooks, backpack, clothes ironed and layed out, etc. so that he can have minimal things to do in the morning or even after school, to be on time.

His answer was, "I need you to help me." I actually became kinda sad when I looked into his eyes. He was on the verge of crying from frustration. Yes, this calmed me down. I asked, "What do you want Mom to do?" He said, "Help be figure it out, figure out why I'm not getting it." By this time, the cry was in his voice, his eyes were teary and red.

By the end of the conversation, we came up with writing down things he needs to remember and having him come home in his track clothes to save time (I have to pick him up inbetween parents coming to pick up their kids. I only have a short window of time). We also thought about buying him a watch, rather than him using his cell phone, so he can keep better track of the time when he is on the track field.

So far, the past few days have been really changed...:-D. Communication is awesome!

A Changed Way of Thinking

These days, I'm trying to change the way I view the tougher situations in my life. Rather than allowing my emotions to lead me in a negative way by getting upset or irritated, I try to slow down my thoughts to a better understanding of the situation...this is very effective with the kids! Kids will be kids. They are going to make messes, mistakes, etc. It is much more difficult with adults!...lol!

For example. In my daily routine of running the daycare, with 8 kids!, conflicts happen, toys spill, kids are naturally loud & active, kids cry, etc. All of this is just part of being a kid. Nonetheless, I begin to feel overwhelmed and anxious. You can't stop a kid from being a kid so, I have to "rethink" my avenue of handling my anxiety. I stop, think and break down the situation from the "child's" perspective, NOT mine. This provides for a better understanding of what/how things happened. Then I take a deep breath, calm myself down and proceed to take action. It takes practice, but it is totally effective!...lol!

I'm also applying this technique to the bills, house cleaning, communication with my kids, etc. The thing is, when dealing with young adults or adults, a lot of the time we/they are just not thinking about the effects of their actions on other people. We tend to only think about ourselves. By nature, I think we are selfish. So, rather than "go off" on my own kids, who are 22, 20, 18 and 15 years old, I stop, think and ask them a question. Usually, once I hear "their" reasoning via explanation, my emotions deflate and I calm down immediately. Then I am able to "talk" to my kids rather than scold and yell at them. Communication is far better! What's even better is, by my calming down and asking a question, my kids express more and they too calm down. Now don't misunderstand me, young adults can do some really "stupid" things. There are times where a parent is required to get upset!...lol!

Interesting how one individual can affect so many others just by changing ones own behavior or response to any given situation. All that negative emotion is not necessary. It only makes the one doing the expressing more agitated and transfers that to the next person.

Just think what kind of world it would be if we all stopped to think about how we respond to other people....hmmm...interesting.

Settling Down

Things have been going pretty well the past few weeks. I haven't had a migraine in a good week now. I know some of it was related to the red river (for those who know what I'm talking bout lol). I'm still thinking some of it is also related to allergies. I haven't had chicken thighs, my favorite, in two weeks. I did have about a half of chicken breast, baked, yesterday. I'm doing fine with no symptoms of migraine....yaaayyyy! :-D

I am still on track with taking better care of myself. I've been sleeping pretty good. I truly think I need a new, more firm mattress. I'm thinking about purchasing one of those memory foam mattresses to put on top of my mattress. Supposedly, the ones you put on top of your mattress are as good as the whole one. I plan to talk to a representative about it when I am financially closer to that goal. I think they cost about $250 or so.

Well, I sent in some info to the Board of Behavioral Science regarding reinstating my internship. The next step was to get another background check. I believe this is the last step, then they will issue me another intern number and I can start volunteering in the agencies again.

Yes, I am excited, but nervous and a little worried at the same time. Before, I lost my job twice while doing my internship. Both experiences were extremely devastating. Each time, as a fresh hire, I thought, "Now I have a fresh start to something new. We're gonna be alright." All the while, supervisors are smiling in my face, telling me how good of a job I'm doing as an intern. Then suddenly, no warning...BAM! "So sorry Lori, but we gotta let you go. It's nothing 'personal', just something the agency has to do." To have four kids as a single parent, almost loosing my home TWICE, is not something I want to experience again. Each time, I'd find out later, loosing my job had nothing to do with me, at all. I don't like being at the mercy of someone else's judgement. At the same time, I need benefits, retirement, to think about my future.

Before all that though, I have to consider my already tight schedule when adding volunteer work on the weekends. I'm really not feeling that! At the same time, I'm not sure that I have any other options towards my future.

So, you see, this is quite a bitter sweet opportunity. When I see an office like the one in this picture, I love the thought of being a Marriage & Family Therapist. My own therapist is encouraging me to have my own private practice. That sounds REAL exciting. So we are exploring the various avenues to achieve such a quest! :-D

Positive thoughts & prayers!

A Transition

Last night, after the daycare closed, we all loaded up into the van and headed over to the house that my daughter has chosen to attempt to buy. It was bitter sweet. She is 22 years old and really doing well. Of course, she doesn't see it as doing well, but from a parent's perspective, she is taking a lot of steps very early in her life.

She has successfully overcome substance abuse for the past 2.5 years. She graduated UC Irvine this past June. She is doing quite well in her credential program. She's getting the hang of writing lesson plans and presenting them to the kids. She is in a 4th grade class right now and seems to be enjoying it. She is doing a great job raising my grandson who is now 17 months old and a handful! lol! Now, she is attempting to purchase her first house! They are still doing the paperwork and seeing if she qualifies for some first time buyer programs. So, it is still not determined.

I want to say I am proud of her, which I am, but a mother will always worry about her children. The neighborhood is quiet and seems safe. Neighbors are friendly. My second son will be moving in with her which makes me feel a whole lot better! lol! In my heart I feel really good about it and I am excited for her. She won't be too far away from home, maybe 15 mins.

Another bitter sweet possibility is that of putting my grandson in a day care closer to her house. On one hand, I feel this would be good for my grandson because he is in a stage where he really acts out with the other kids. He is hitting and pulling on them a great deal. I think this is because he sees the kids as being in "his" territory. I'm thinking being in a day care outside of the house might be better for him. Of course, this means my daughter will have to pay, but that's how life goes when you have children. On the other hand, I would quite naturally worry about him. My kids did not transition until preschool when they were able to talk and tell me if anything went wrong. Again, it's just me. I'm sure my daughter wouldn't mind if I met the provider and got a feel for her environment.

I recall when I took the kids to a fellow provider's house. This is a provider whom I talk to quite daily. When my grandson walked in the door, he was very, very comfortable. He participated with the lesson and played very well with the other kids. He displayed no aggression whatsoever. He didn't even display any anxiety! He mixed right in with the other kids. So, a day care outside of our home, might be a good idea. It could be, he was just comfortable at her house too.

We will see. Overall, I will be ok. It's not about me. It's about what's best for my grandson and for my daughter....in that order :-D.

This Week!

Wow! I've felt good all this week! No migraines whatsoever!! WHOOO! HOOO!

Maybe there's something to this old diet thing after all...lol! So far, the only foods I have taken out of my diet are chicken and flour tortillas. We do eat a lot of chicken! The only discomfort I have had is a little tension in my neck and shoulders at the end of the day. That is probably a combination of the fibromyalsia and just being tired from working all day.

Even as a child, I was on a special diets due to very bad allergies. I was extremely petite and very, very sickly as a child. In fact, I sucked a bottle until I was 7 years old!!...LOL! My stepfather made me a stool so I was able to make my own bottle. I was a picky, picky, picky eat. Most of the time, I fell asleep at the dinner table!

Thanks for the support and humor!

Positive thoughts and prayers!...they really work! :-D

Of a Blank Mind Lately

Lately, I haven't had the motivation or any thoughts to blog. That disappoints me. Things have been trying to settle down a bit. My cousin is doing much, much better. I visted him a week ago at which time we sat at the table and discussed his bills and the repairs that need to be made his house before he goes home.

The daycare is doing very well at this time. The bills are getting paid quite regularly and the mortgage is doing well so far. The cars are doing well. The Jetta needs an adjustment since having the transmission serviced. The motorhome is finally back home. I need to clean the inside really good. There are a few small repairs to the cabin that needs to be done, but no hurry.

I've been having lots of migraine lately. Making me really nervous. I looked up a few things about migraines last night. Apparently, it has a lot to do with diet. Foods to avoid are chocolate, chicken, processed sandwich meats, of course sodium, fermented foods like yogurt and cheese, citrus fruits, fried foods, etc. All of these things are regular items in our diets....even "chilled" beverages!

They suggested herbs like lavender and camomile for relaxation. Also vitamin B Complex and fish oil for the brain. There were other herbs that encourage oxygen to the brain too.

I will have to start monitoring, perhaps writing down, what I eat. Then checking to see if what I eat corresponds to a migraine. Simple enough.