I want to pose a question, yes it's a personal question that I would like other opinions on, but first I must explain how this all came to be. Please be patient.
I have a friend, an older man (13 years older than me) whom I have known for the past 13 years. I met him one year following my divorce. He was in the beginning phases of his divorce. We became very good friends, even to this day. At some point, feelings of friendship began to become twisted, yes "twisted", into feelings of romance that neither of us wanted.
At the time those twisted feelings arose for me, I brought it up to him. He refused to talk about it. I wrote him hand written letters (every single one he has kept, approx. 22 of them) and I sent him emails all of which he has also saved. My explanation was that of I did not want the relationship to go in that direction and that we needed to discuss it or I'd have to cut it off.
As time went on, we'd talk about it but not indepth. He preferred to let it take it's own course. I prefer to get an understanding to avoid confusion. He continued to skirt the issue. I began to pull away and distance from him. Then we'd talk a little and he would go back to skirting the issue. I might inform you also that he lived/lives the kind of lifestyle that he has access to all kinds of beautiful women, women that are more his type. Trust me when I say, he was out there chasing panties!
After doing this little game for approx 8 years!, I began to think something was wrong with me!! I went to counseling to get a non-biased voice, to stay focused and to cut him off. Out of that came an agreement to "try" to be friends. One year later, I moved about an hour away from him (a VERY good thing). My moving was the best thing I could have done!
For the past 6 years, I have pretty much cut him off with exception of occasionally getting together to talk or have dinner. This man has asked me to marry him 5 times! I believe it is because now he has retired on disability having had surgery to both knees. He has began to settle down and doesn't want to be alone. He has gone from an apartment to a room at his son's house. His son is usually not at home, travels a lot.
Question is.....Should I continue to let him ask me to marry him or should I bring all this madness back to the surface and make him face himself? I don't have those kinds of feelings for him, nor would his lifestyle work for me. I will admit, a large part of me is becoming quite annoyed because he wants to act as if he has no idea of where I stand. He wants to have selective amnesia. This, to me, is what sneeky men do. They try to get over by brushing issues under the rug. The more he does this, the more I don't want to talk to him. He keeps bringing the "us" up and, for me, there is no "us". In order to explain that to him, I'd have to address all these past issues. I have explained, in a nutshell, that I could never trust him. He wants the opportunity to "make it up to me." I'm just not there in that space.