Movie Question

I just finished watching "Kiss the Girls" with Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd. Fascinating suspense movie. Love me some Morgan Freeman :)!

Anyway..... :), as a detective, of course, he made mention that the guy who was "collecting" the girls had killed two of them because they were "defiant" and the others he spared their lives because they were submissive. This man was attracted to intelligent, professional, beautiful women, but it was their submissiveness that he really liked because it allowed him to have that control, which Ashley Judd lacked as a doctor/martial artist.

My question is, if you found yourself in such a situation (I will not spell it out because it is not that serious), would you be fisty/deviant or would you be submissive/obedient? I found myself asking this question to me. I think I would be so scared, I wouldn't be able to think straight. I have no idea how to fight. If someone hit me, I'd probably drop to the floor!...unless it involved my children!!! So I'd probably be the submissive/obedient one.

Hmmm.... interesting.

Just a Question

I want to pose a question, yes it's a personal question that I would like other opinions on, but first I must explain how this all came to be. Please be patient.

I have a friend, an older man (13 years older than me) whom I have known for the past 13 years. I met him one year following my divorce. He was in the beginning phases of his divorce. We became very good friends, even to this day. At some point, feelings of friendship began to become twisted, yes "twisted", into feelings of romance that neither of us wanted.

At the time those twisted feelings arose for me, I brought it up to him. He refused to talk about it. I wrote him hand written letters (every single one he has kept, approx. 22 of them) and I sent him emails all of which he has also saved. My explanation was that of I did not want the relationship to go in that direction and that we needed to discuss it or I'd have to cut it off.

As time went on, we'd talk about it but not indepth. He preferred to let it take it's own course. I prefer to get an understanding to avoid confusion. He continued to skirt the issue. I began to pull away and distance from him. Then we'd talk a little and he would go back to skirting the issue. I might inform you also that he lived/lives the kind of lifestyle that he has access to all kinds of beautiful women, women that are more his type. Trust me when I say, he was out there chasing panties!

After doing this little game for approx 8 years!, I began to think something was wrong with me!! I went to counseling to get a non-biased voice, to stay focused and to cut him off. Out of that came an agreement to "try" to be friends. One year later, I moved about an hour away from him (a VERY good thing). My moving was the best thing I could have done!

For the past 6 years, I have pretty much cut him off with exception of occasionally getting together to talk or have dinner. This man has asked me to marry him 5 times! I believe it is because now he has retired on disability having had surgery to both knees. He has began to settle down and doesn't want to be alone. He has gone from an apartment to a room at his son's house. His son is usually not at home, travels a lot.

Question is.....Should I continue to let him ask me to marry him or should I bring all this madness back to the surface and make him face himself? I don't have those kinds of feelings for him, nor would his lifestyle work for me. I will admit, a large part of me is becoming quite annoyed because he wants to act as if he has no idea of where I stand. He wants to have selective amnesia. This, to me, is what sneeky men do. They try to get over by brushing issues under the rug. The more he does this, the more I don't want to talk to him. He keeps bringing the "us" up and, for me, there is no "us". In order to explain that to him, I'd have to address all these past issues. I have explained, in a nutshell, that I could never trust him. He wants the opportunity to "make it up to me." I'm just not there in that space.

Comments please!!!

Signs of Aging

This morning, as I looked in the mirror to wake up, I noticed, even more, the dark circles under my eyes. I also wear glasses which have left pressure scares as well. It seems the older I get, the more I will look like racoon! I have tried everything! Either it does nothing or I end up with hives all over my face!

I've thought of a few possible causes, besides simply getting old. One is that we live very, very close to an extremely large lake. Everyday, I am reminded that the lake is not the cleanest of lakes. The lake is a natural run off and hit is (was) HUGE. Apparently, many years ago, long before we moved here, the city has placed a dam somewhere and the lake hasn't been the same since. At one time the lake actually began to smell pretty bad, that was shortly before we moved here. To repair the problem, the city raised money to build a system that would provide the lake with "movement" so the water would not be stagant and no longer smell. All those little "specks" around the lake...those are houses! Well....that money was used to build our stadium. So, there you go.

Another possible reason for my racoon eyes is that of allergies which I have had all my life. The final possibility is that of lack of sleep which I pretty much have done all that I can to get as much as I can. I've created and maintained a system with my grandson to be as consistent as possible...which is going pretty well. The only two things that really soothe my eyes are 1) closing out the sun...horrible on my eyes! and 2) applying cold compresses as often as I can.

In conclusion, I believe...in addition to aging... these dark circles are due to allergies. My reason and plan for moving away from our previous location was that it was not a safe, constructive place to raise my kids. My youngest is a freshman in high school. The plan is to return to our previous city, but not the same location, when he graduates. Our plan has gone very well.

Apparently, the dark circles is one of the prices I am faced to pay. No fun:(.

My Birthday!

I had the most wonderful surprise last night from my daughter :). My birthday was this past friday, April 17th. I don't particularly acknowledge my birthday because I don't like all that attention. Well, my daughter surprised me with an India Aurie concert in San Diego and the House of Blues! It was absolutely awesome!

We started out by dressing up. She actually bought us outfits. Then we went to take portraits followed by dinner, chinese food and on to the concert. Most of our travel was by car and some was by the trolley. I had no idea any of this was going to happen...except that there was a surprise coming and that I was to follow instructions...lol!

India is such a high spirited, sophistacated, graceful lady. She sang with such richness and wisdom in her lyrics. And, she is fairly young! I really appreciated her style of singing considering the young people today and how they deliver i.e. their presentation from clothing to dancing to the message in their music.

We left feeling so good! We talked about it all the way home. It seemed to open up a side of her that I haven't seen in a very long time...*sniff. When we arrived home, the boys had babysat the my grandson, they had baked a chocolate cake for me! They immediately dragged me to the kitchen and sang happy birthday.

It is so nice to know you kids do love you at this age!...LOL!

Baby Did Really Good!

I took the chance and put my grandson in his own bed in my room. It went very, very well! He only woke up once :).

Poor baby, he is teething again. His bottom two teeth have come in and I think the top two are beginning to come down. So, he was just a wee bit irritable last night, but very playful. His mommie was home early evening and spent time with him before having to study, at which time she brought him to me. She put him in the bed in my room which is actually a play pen with a padded mattress for more comfort. He was not a happy trooper! So, quite naturally, Nana to the rescue as he made is discomfort known with all his baby babble...lol!

Being that he was a tad irritable, I thought I'd give him some dinner, a warm bath, a little tylenol and some warm milk. This seem to calm him significantly. After rolling around my king size bed for a while, very happy and gigglie, he fell into slumber at about 8:10 pm which is quite early for him. I let him sleep til 9 pm or so before attempting to wake him up with no success so I put him in the play pen. Very shortly afterwards, he woke up and played on my bed til 10:35 pm. He had become fussy and Nana had to rock him to sleep.

Yes, he slept all through the night in his own bed, only waking up once (not really waking up, just whimpered a bit). His Nana is quite proud of him :).

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy Today

The kids are having a very good day. Me? Well, the allergies have subsided, but I am still just as lethargic as I was this morning...lol. Fairly easy day today, so I'm not particularly bothered by it. These types of days become difficult when I have a houseful of children. Wednesdays and Fridays are those days, full house all day plus night children til 10:30 pm! Yes, makes for very long days with children. Yesterday wasn't too bad. The kids, though being "kids", did well...especially considering I couldn't take them outside during early afternoon or early evening due to the high winds and cool air. Perhaps, that is why I am the way I am today...:) I really don't think about the day before and its effects. Hmmmm.....

See blogging helps us solve even our own delimas!

Here Today...:)

I'm up and busy this morning. Not sure which direction I'm going in or where I'm going, but I'm here!...lol! Just one of those mornings. I believe this is what Ms. FFF referred to in one of her blog entries, lol! Sometimes, we feel like we are just existing, can't feel ourselves. I think it's funny to me now because, after reading Ms. FFF's blog and so many people responding to it, I now know, I'm not crazy!

I think some of what I'm feeling is the change in weather. Those high winds can kick up a lot of dust, in addition to it being Spring now. All the pollens are out there too. My eyes and ears are quite itchy. Just now took an allergy pill.

My plan is to take the day slow and easy. I will only have two daycare kids today. They are well behaved 3 year old little boys. My grandson is in much better spirits today as well. So, we will see what the day will hold for these 3 little boys..:)