Catching Up To Me

I'm not sure if my schedule is catching up to me or what, but I am really going through the blahs this week! Yuk! Everything makes me tearful. I was talking with my daughter this morning, about some sensitive "stuff" regarding a very broken friendship, and I was barely able to get my words out without seriously crying!...gheez! I do have alot going on at one time, but who doesn't?

I am, however, working on a new blanket. Crotcheting has really been helping to keep me calm when I feel anxious. Alot of times, when you deal with kids, you have places in your schedule where they are having free play or playing outside, leaving me with idle time to observe or talk with them. Over time, this can become "unfulfilling"...for lack of a better term lol! Crotcheting allows me to fill those moments a little bit.

Speaking of making blankets, Ms. Polly I do apologize for not displaying my other blanket. The camera and the computer would not cooperate for some reason. When I get it figured out, I will get on display.

Well, happy thoughts and prayers!....:-)

This Past Weekend

This past weekend left me feeling quite emotional. It was a reunion in several ways, very nostalgic.

Quite a few years ago, about 8 years ago, my favorite aunt and uncle separated after about 20+ years of marriage (only separation, not divorce). My uncle chose drugs over the family, creating a pretty bad financial trail. My aunt decided to leave him in hopes that he will eventually come to his senses. I was shocked, but I understood. She actually thought it would have been effective if I had talked to him because I was his favorite niece. I was taught to respect your elders even if they are wrong (doesn't mean you can't correct them, but you had to respect them). I did not know what to say to him. In my heart, I felt the best thing to do, at that time, was to be silent. I felt reality of the situation will take it's toll.

Well, this weekend, the family had a mini reunion which was so nice. I saw cousins I hadn't seen in many years. Of course, we all have our own families and children. It was very powerful! Well, as a result of this trip, my aunt visited with my uncle. She spent a few days with him and they had a talk...don't know what they talked about. She did mention that she paved the way for me to re-enter his life.

When I arrived at the house, it was so overwhelming...in a good way! Though the neighborhood showed a bit of wear and tear, everything was so much the same! The family house was very, very worn. My aunt always took care of the finances, house repairs and all that stuff. The inside was still the same as well. I don't know what I expected. He has aged significantly but still looks the same, a little less hair that has turned completely white. I could still see his how honary he is, but that was just him...:-).

As we sat, my aunt and I talked about lots of things as we always did and still do. My uncle was always a man of very, very few words. I did share some pictures of my grandson with him which he seemed to enjoy. It was a brief visit, but overall it was a good one.

The rest of the day was filled with visiting other family and friends which was just as nostalgic as this visit. Oldies were playing on the stereo, people were gathered together who we have not seen in a long long time. Really took me back to the old days! It felt good to see that things had not changed very much. That REALLY meant alot to me....not sure why, but it is truly very important to me.

Family and family history is important. I think we take it for granted until someone passes away. It was so cool seeing similarities in each other that made us unique to "our" family, especially with little ones in the next generation coming along.

I can't put it into words that would expess how strongly I feel about this. It was soooo awesome. My heart was warmed in such an overwhelming way that it took me 3 days to calm down. At times, I became tearful! I encourage everyone to appreciate family. We all have those members that we just can't figure out, that cause difficulties, but they are still family.

Positive thoughts and prayers.....:-D

Finished!

Hurray! I finally finished the blanket I was crotcheting for the past few months! I am a little disappointed. I made 3 panels then crotcheted them together. Some how, one panel is alittle off, slightly bigger. It looks a bit oblong. I made it for my aunt. She's coming down to San Diego this weekend from San Francisco. I haven't seen her in about 11 years. I am looking forward to visiting with her. Maybe go have some lunch.

Today, we took the kids to the Play Palace at Burger King. It was soooo successful. The kids had a blast and were truly worn out!...lol! That's always the goal with a group of kids, to wear them out! lol! They were soooo well behaved and they ate really well.

Yes, I'm exhausted, but I have no late nighters tonight. My daughter is off work tonight too. She will handle my grandson. I plan to take a hot bath and get to bed fairly early....maybe. My son mentioned $5.50 movies at the theater tonight. That sounds like fun! We'll see...:-)

Postive thoughts and prayers!....:-D

Progress

For the past few weeks, I've been getting together with a fellow day care provider, R. Being a day care provider can be a very lonely job. Parents can be quite difficult as well. The kids are wonderful, the parents are usually the problem. We talk almost everyday to support each other.

For the past 2 weeks, we met on tuesday at the park. It is wonderful. Today, we are taking the kids to the Burger King Palace. We had the parents provide their kids with $5 for their lunch and the kids can play in the enclosed jungle gym for a little while.

Though I love the support and getting out of the house, the tendency is I become quite exhausted the next day. I'm sure it is the fibro, but I definitely feel it is worth it. It's good for the kids, it's good for both myself and R. I always feel good emotionally when we go.

I'm beginning to feel the fullness of my schedule with the internship on the weekends and the day care during the week. I really feel good about it all. I'm much more motivated and feeling a purpose with my life. Yes, it's a challenge, but it's a good challenge. I'm really enjoying myself these days...:-)

Refound Sister

A few days ago, my sister re-found our sister in Tennessee. It's pretty awesome. Originally, back when I was 23 years old, I decided to reunite with our biological father. It was the best thing I ever done in my life. I went out to Tennessee during Thanksgiving week during that year. It was as if I had always lived there. Even though I had never been there, it felt totally familiar. This is when I met my sister and brother. It was so awesome.

Well, about 7 years after this reunitification, my father died. He had received a heart transplant 7 years prior. The heart was only expected to last 2 to 3 years. He was really blessed with 7 years. So, my sister and I took the trip together back to Tennessee for his burial. That was my sister's first trip back.

She and our brother form a really nice bond. They communicated a lot through Instant Messaging on the computer until she had told me that he had suddenly stopped responding. At this time, we did not realize our sister did not have our contact info. She was in not-so-good relationship that made her less available.

Recently, my sister had become curious about our sister and brother. She got on Facebook and looked for them. To our greatest surprise, our sister responded! It is so exciting! I must admit, I am nervous. I have no clue what to say! This is so unlike me!

The sad news is, our brother passed away in 2004. This is more than likely the reason he had suddenly stopped communicating with my other sister. Though I did not know him well, it left me with a very strange feeling. I still felt the loss. It was my brother...a brother I never knew I had. When I was yonger, I always wanted a brother, an older brother. Of course, he was my younger brother, but a brother is a brother. Still not quite sure how to feel about it. I am more disappointed than sad, but I am sad too. Also, my dad's sister passed in 2008.

My dad's side of the family is very small. I think our sister is out there pretty much alone with the exception of some friends. She seems like she is doing very well now, much better than before. She seems happy and settled down. This is very good, makes me extremely happy for her.

Positive thoughts and prayers....:-)/:-(

Looks like things are looking up a little bit more. My daughter seems to have been accepted onto one of the subsidized programs that will pay for her childcare. That means, I will begin to get paid for my grandbaby being in the day care :-D.

I would never charge her from her own pocket because I promised her that, if she handled her responsibilities i.e. school, work and taking care of her son (which I knew she would do, just her nature), I would keep my grandbaby. She has always been a very hard worker with extremely high standards for herself. Despite all that she has been through, even in high school, she has always been very outgoing and a high achiever. Both high school and college, she was pretty much, almost, a straight "A" student.

I am beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed with my internship. Last saturday was a very long day. I started at 9am and ended at 5:30pm. My supervisor called me on monday to let me know, with significant excitement (lol), that my schedule was "booked" all day. I could hear the smile in her voice, see her face aglow with excitement.

I am excited, but I still feel a little vulnerable regarding treatment plans, techniques and theories. It's been a long time...3 years. I did feel pretty good last week in retrospect. I felt focused and in a good direction, however, when I got home to review old notes, textbooks and study references, I became overwhelmed! I didn't know where to start! Her husband will sit with me and provide me with some direction regarding my studies. I want to start now, so I can arrange for the exam as soon as possible. I really don't want to wait until the last minute to begin studying. Besides, studying will help greatly in working with the clients and vice versa.

A dear college friend of mine called me other other day. We went to San Diego State together back in the early 80's. We had soooo much fun! Well, her youngest boy is graduating from high school and she wants to have a sort of reunion party for him. All of us friends had kids about the same ages. So, this will be very fun to get the kids together after all these years. They last time they saw each other was while they were in elementary school.

Though I am very excited about this reunion, I am concerned that it starts at 5pm on saturday in San Diego, an hours drive away. This would mean I would finish my day at the counseling agency at 5pm or 5:30pm, come home, change clothes, eat dinner, gather my boys then make that long drive. Getting there is not so much of a concern. It is the getting "back" that is of concern. After hanging out for a few hours to catch up on each others lives and see the kids all grown up, the drive back will, more than likely, be very late. I don't like driving at night. I don't see very well. I'm also concerned with feeling exhausted the next day with the fibro.

My supervisor wants me to consider gaining hours on sunday as well. I find that kind of awkward. Most agencies aren't open on sundays. Most people don't make appts on sundays. I personally like sundays for spiritual worship, which would not be an issue. She said, if I didn't mind, she could probably arrange appts after I return from services. Though rather awkward, I could gain my 1500 hours a little faster if this worked for a few clients....hmmmm.

A lot of exciting things going on right now. I'm staying focused and taking care of myself. I'm actually eating better, more regularly and better foods i.e. salads, veggies and fruits. Struggling a bit with exercising, but working on getting back to a good schedule. Getting rest at night as well.

Positive thoughts and prayers!....:-D

Looks Like My Time Has Come

I don't know if any of you remember when I mentioned that I would like to go back to my career as a Family Therapist, emphasis on children.

Well, my time has come! I started going to therapy again, just to clear my head and get my thoughts on track. I was falling into depression and all that "wonderful" stuff (being sarcastic). My therapist asked me why haven't I been pursuing my career again. I told her the long story of how I ended up doing day care again and she came up with an awesome idea.

She wants me to get back on track, gain my lost hours again, take the exam, get licensed and come work "with" her, possibly as a partner in her and her husband's private practice! Yes, it will be a lot of work, but I am so excited! I'm so excited that I am nervous.

So far, I had my intern registration number reinstated with the Board Behavioral Sciences. They let me know that, out of the 3000 intern hours that I completed back in 2007, 1500 have expired. I was very concerned that all of them had expired. So, when I heard that I still have 1500 hours still on the book!....I became even more excited!! Today, we established an agency to do some of my hours under and then I will also be working with her as well.

I wll be doing my hours on the weekends. My nervousness is being able to run the day care during the week and doing my hours on the weekends is a lot. I must be careful with the fibromyalsia to not become exhausted. I'm also nervous because I have been out of the field for 3 years. My knowledge is quite rusty! That mean in between working the day care and being at the office on weekends, I will be studying!...whew!

The goal is definitely worth the sacrifice!

Positive thoughts and prayers!!!.....:-D