Hello Blog World

Hello Blog World Friends,

I'm still hanging in there. Thank you for your responses and support. I've finally got the packet in for the modification. There are a few more things I need to get to them. They are small things that make a big difference.

I think I will be able to pay the mortgage this month. It just kills me not to pay any bill, let alone the mortgage! The bills are all up to date and current. I did manage to get my Chase Mastercard interest rate dropped from 19.99% to 6.0%. That was a major task, but it's done.

I've been getting calls for the daycare, but for some reason, the parents don't follow through with thier appointments. I have lowered my rates, but I can't afford to lower them anymore. I can only say that those were not the children for me for whatever reason. I must remain patient and hopeful.

Yes, I have been looking at other employment options. Not many available. What little is available would be at a much lower pay rate. When you consider travel costs, wardrobe, etc., a lower pay rate is not an option. I'm still looking at other employment possibilities.

My grandson is doing very well. He is trying to walk now, taking as many as 5 or 6 steps. He has gotten quite long and tall. His father has been more active in his life. Says he is trying to get himself together. Has a job and is renting a room with a roommate.

I have become so spoiled from the help I've been getting from my sons in taking care of my grandson. Since school has been out, they have been awesome in helping out around the house and helping with the baby. I paid my youngest son $25 week to look after the baby during day care hours. This has made a tremendous difference in my ability to focus and get things done. I'm even more rested at the end of the day. It has really woked out well.

Keep the prayers and the happy thoughts coming...:)

The Past Few Days

I haven't had much energy or time to blog lately. My brain is so full of trying to find ways to make my finances work. I don't want to continue complaining. Sometimes, I don't want to hear myself talk anymore...lol.

I did speak with a few people this week. One was the nutritionist for the day care. She said is it not uncommon for parents to not need childcare during the summer. Parents literally take their kids out of day care and use the older siblings to babysit. This way they save money. I haven't had any children taken out of the day care. I am just not receiving new ones. She said the economy is such that many providers are actually closing their day cares because of this. No kids, no money. She said, things usually pick up once school starts again. The kids go back to school around August 12th. I would think I should begin to get calls, at least, a week before school begins. We will see.

The other person I spoke with was in regards to modifying my mortgage. I did get all the paperwork done. He said I can put down half the money to get started, which I have. I was thinking of doing a Short Sale to give up the house, but he suggested I wait, at least, until the modification was complete.

I've been exhausted lately. I'm still trying to muddle through. I had late nighters last night and I will have them tonight as well. I plan to call the agent for the modification today. I want to schedule a time to meet and review the steps. I need to do this as soon as possible.

The Answer

Lately, I've had this tremendous pain in my back and all my methods are not working. I think I finally figured it out! :) My daughter bought me some flowers in appreciation for looking after my grandson. They are absolutly beautiful. However, I think I am allergic to them. There are some purple daisy flowers, that look very much like these here, with some other beautiful flowers mixed in, along with a type of fern.

What makes me think this is, yesterday, the pain was so bad I couldn't take a deep breath to cough. This made me think the pain might be respiratory related. Immediately, I thought about the flowers. So, I put them outside last night.

When I got up this morning, well before anyone gets up or the day care kids arrive, I opened the windows and turned on the ceiling fans to flush the air out of the house. Hopefully, this will make a difference.

Much Better

I literally find myself holding my shoulders up. What is that about? I am not hurting anymore. It's a wonder what a hot spa bath can do for some muscle pain...lol!

All I can say is that I feel sooooo much better. I think I hold my shoulders as a stress response. I might consider doing a spa bath every night if that is what it takes to stop the pain.

Besides, it gives me time to myself and to relax, absolutely refreshing :)

The Plan

I ran my plan to my daughter about the boys being paid $20/week to look after my grandson while they were out of school. She thought it was a good idea, but she can't afford it right now. So, I plan to do it.

We started yesterday. It was wonderful! My son is super at taking care of him. It was sooo nice not to have to keep getting up chasing a 9 month old...lol! I did not realize just how much he requires! I guess I am getting pretty old. LOL!

I really think it would be different if he went home at night and came back in the morning like a normal daycare child. However, being that it is my own grandson, and I have him pretty much 24/7, it really is a lot of work. I get pretty overwhelmed. Because it is my grandson, I go on auto pilot in taking care of him. This catches up to me in time.

I'm quite excited about this new plan. When I paid my son, he was very happy and immediately started making plans for his new found cash flow!...lol! I was able to take a nice long, hot spa bath last night. My neck, back and shoulders feel much better today. Just think, a few more days of this, I will be back to my good old self!!

Maybe the daycare won't be such a bad thing after all....:)

Something Else

I am feeling very "stuck" this morning. Frankly, I really do not want to do daycare. I feel horribly guilty. I love kids to the end, but I have done this for 17 years the first round. Then I went back to school and completed a Masters program. After three years, I am back doing daycare.

It's really not the kids themselves. I believe it is the circumstances that I really resent. Then to find out later that I was terminated because of my supervisor not doing her job efficiently. She thought by terminating me, it would straighten out whatever issue was going on at the time.

I truly try to look at the pros and cons. For every situation, there are pros and cons. I am tremendously grateful to have the daycare.Without it, I would not have income. However, I am not motivated to keep my interest going. Sure the kids are safe, clean, well fed, etc. But there's more to it than just that when it comes to daycare. There's crafts, lesson, storytime, trips to the park, etc. I feel incredibly guilty!!

I also feel extremely discouraged in this regard. I looked into possibly returning to the job market. Things did not look good. Half of my intern hours have expired. By the time I would be able to find a job, the rest of them would be expired. Most of the jobs out there are looking for a "licensed" therapist which really narrows the field way down. Not to mention, the cost itself to return to the field of about $800. Then, there's my grandson. He'd have to go to a daycare and we'd have to put out more money.

With all that said, I try so hard to push myself to work with the daycare. I just don't want to do it. I do have the environment set up for them to be pretty independent in thier self applications, but I don't feel that is enough.

I am soooo very disappointed, not motivated, feeling horribly guilty :( and do not know what to do.

Creative Flow

For a long time, I've been trying to think of something I can do to stir my creative flow. I use to crotchet and make personalized pillows. I haven't done these in a long time. I think it is because my life has become so busy that I don't feel I will have time for it. I've tried in the past and never completed anything. I became quite frustrated. It became more "work" to finish it which took the fun out of it.

Last night, I had another idea that I can do in time for winter. Teenagers like to wear hoods. I thought I could crotchet scarves with hoods on them. It shouldn't take too long to make and I can make them in lots of different colors. I can even vary the crotchet stitch to make it more interesting, or even knit a few of them! Perhaps, I can look through my supplies to see what I have to begin :). I don't even need a pattern! When I was younger, and had more time, I made blankets for all of my nieces and nephews, even my own children. They still use them today!

Well, sounds like a plan :). I will see what I can do with what I have already.