Grumpy

I am truly grumpy and depressed today. I now have a migraine...again. Yes, pre-pms.

I like nothing about myself i.e. my looks, my personality, my hair, etc. It feels like I'm being attacked by everyone around me from the day care kids seeming louder/busier than usual (when I know it's me), my kids being critical and friends telling me what to do with my life when I haven't asked for, nor do I need, their input.

These are the times when I want the world to stop just long enough for me to get off at the next stop to regroup. I happen to like my life as it is. I just prefer for people to leave me alone, especially when they don't have their ownselves on task. I don't tell people what to do. I don't tell them they what they are doing is wrong. That is the point of having friendships is to accept a person as they think, perceive and interpret their lives.

When I get in these funks, there's not a lot I can do except fake it until it passes. My style of coping is to turn the world off, as often as I can, just to be still, be quiet, take a break. People around me think that I am going to fall off the face of the earth or get lost in the abyss of depression. I know myself and I know what I need to do to get through the funk.

I'm sorry if I sound inappreciative of friendship and family. I don't mean to be. I just know what I need to help myself. I get frustrated when I feel people pressuring me to do what "they" feel I need to do.

I need two good, long days of lounging around after a long hot bath; to lay across my bed watching movies and dozing off until my body says it's had enough and is ready to run again.

Is that too much to ask?

Positive thoughts and prayers please....:-(

Fallen Tree Update

I have very good news about my fallen tree from the last storms we had right before Spring! As you all know, the winds blew down my beautiful tree. The tree was very top-heavy and leaning a bit. The trunk had grown in a leaning fashion and that is the direction it fell in.

I had a friend of a friend come to stand the tree back up. At first, he wanted to just chop it up and haul it away. I like the tree a lot so I wanted to try to stand her back up. Worse comes to worse, we can have her chopped and hauled in the event she didn't make it.

Well, the weekend I went away to take care of my cousin who had the stroke, the friend came over and stook the tree back up. However, the way he positioned her, he cut 2 or 3 of her main roots. Yes, I was so disappointed!...actually, a bit angry! He did tie her with stakes and rope to support her cause the winds were still pretty strong during this time. He said she probably wouldn't make it but if she did, we would not see new sprouts until next Spring 2011. In the meantime, I was advised to put vitamin B12 for plants on her base.

Well, it all paid off! We have lots of new sprouts "this" Spring! Spring just started and we have lots of new, baby leaves! I am soooo excited! Yes, I've been talking to her to encourage her to hang in there. I know, silly, but who knows, maybe it worked....lol! She has a long ways to go, but it's a good start!.....the simple things in life, whoohoo!

Positive thoughts and prayers!....:-D

Cranky

Cranky! Cranky! Cranky!

One of, or both of, two things is happening. I am pre-pms....Ugh!, due in about a week, and/or definitely in need of a break from life.

My usual method of getting away from my life has been recently terminated. It was a dear friend of mine, whom I have not been intimate with, but he was asking me too. He did some very inapproriate things in the far past. I believe it inappropriate for a man to tell you how much he wants to be with you all the while he is sleeping with other women...at least one the I definitely know of. Do not try to give me the impression that you are committed to me all the while you are doing your "stuff" which is why I would not go there in the first place. To have it confirmed just threw everything out the window. So, no more get-aways with him.

Therefore, I am going to restore my small little motorhome so I can take her to the beach for a weekend or two. Over the drivers cab is a full size bed. Under the large back window is a kitchen table that converts to another full size bed. That small square above the wheel is the frig. & to the right of that is a very small sink. Straight across to the other side of the motorhome is the stove. Right where the picture of the heart is is where the bathroom is about 4 ft x 4 ft. Straight across from the bathroom is the closet. Yes, it is tremendously small! Hey, it works very well.

Tomato Update...

Well, yesterday, I had to dig up and bring the tomatoes back into the house. Not sure if I can save them. Apparently, our weather really put some damage on the baby plants. The winds were really high and pretty hard. The sun, I thought, didn't seem that warm, but I think it put a toll them too.

I dug them up and put then into another container with soil. Hopefully, they will revive :-(. They look really, really sad and very pale. (Sorry for the mess in the background :-D)

Tomatoes!

The kids transplanted their tomato plants yesterday. It went very well. I need to put their name tags on them so we know whose is whose. It was a simple project that I had been promsing to do with them for a very long time. I'm glad I "finally" got to it. I'm not sure a few of them will make it. They seem to be in shock, whilting a little bit. We just have to hope for the best.

I had a little boy drop in for 2 days. My fellow day care provider went on a cruise with her own family and one of her parents needed care while she was gone. Seems I get a lot of boys...lol! He fit right in and transitioned very well. He is 4 years old and my older boys are both 5 years old. Then I have a 3 year old boy and another 4 year old boy. Yes, I do have a 2 year old little girl (poor thing, she's the only girl...lol! She hangs in there pretty good!) and, of course, my 18 month old grandson.

The mom of this boy has just gone through a separation from her 2nd husband who was quite abusive. I feel sorry for this mom because she has a childhood of abuse. I can see in her eyes, in some respects, that she is still the age she was when the abuse occurred. She is still very much friends with this man and I am so afraid that she may return to him.

Without therapy, how do you teach someone to break that generational pattern of abuse? She has 2 teenage daughers and 1 teenage boy in addition to her 4 year old son. The chance that they are learning her behaving is pretty high. We won't know until they form their own relationships.

Situations like these bother me so much. If I were in my field as a family therapist, I'd be in a position to help more. However, being a day care provider, I am not equipped to open such a can of worms with these parents. All I can do is be an ear for them to talk to. Can only pray for them.

Positive thoughts and prayers.....for real!

The Kids

Today, we had an awesome lesson! The kids were really focused and made a lot of progress. I haven't done lesson with them in a while because I think we were both getting frustrated. I'm not a "preschool". I'm just a "day care". However, it would be nice if the kids can do something besides play most of the day.

It takes a lot of organizing and structure with such a broad range of ages. The babies really keep me going on circles, so it makes it much more difficult to set a schedule for their lesson. Today, my grandson was out most of the day with his mom and the 5 month old baby simply had a good day ....lol! It was soooo refreshing to do lesson without hussling and feeling rushed just in case a baby should throw a tantrum.

I would really like to do lesson everyday. I once mentioned, back in San Diego when I did day care, we did lessons just like a preschool. I had my toddlers/preschoolers ready for kindergarden when the time came. It was quite rewarding. Today's kindergarden requirements make my curriculum outdated. Not quite sure how to get them prepared today. By trade, I am not a teacher. Teaching preschool lesson is a lot different than teaching "school" lessons.

At any rate, it was a wonderful day! :-D

Positive thoughts and prayers!....for lots more days like today!

Teenagers

One of my day care parents is quite frustrated with her teenage boy. He just doesn't seem to get it. She has tried everything from stripping his room of all electronics, to only letting him wear two outfits a week (he is a fashion nut), to not letting him go to Knotts Berry Farm for his birthday. Yet, he still doesn't get it. He has 14 "Fs" in math and a "D-" in physical ed.

I've had my share of frustrations with my 3 boys. I can relate to what she is feeling. What is a parent to do when her child just isn't getting it? People often say, discipline begins at home. That may very well be true, however, when one is doing all one can do and nothing is working, what else can be done? This mom is thinking about home schooling in order to discontinue her son's social network. I think that might be a good idea, however, what if he doesn't respect the home school teacher? What if he refuses to focus and do his work then?

How helpless she must feel....

Positive thoughts and prayers