Being Consistent

Today, I have a mild concern of not being consistent. I say "mild" because I do understand why I am having difficulty with it and I do know the causes, some of which I do not have control of.

I am referring to being able to create a "regular" schedule with the kids in the daycare. Back in San Diego, things were very different from my physcial location (across the street from a school), resources that were available to providers (headstart, gain, YMCA and the resource listing) and a better economy. My prices were known to be one of the lowest in the city and I was known to get the children prepared for kindergarden. I had a reputation for good discipline for the children as well. In fact, the worst behaved children were often referred to me, LOL!

Today, circumstances are so very different i.e. my city itself (fairly country in the middle of nowhere causing parents to have to commute to major cities), the lack of available subsidized programs and, most of all, the condition of the economy. As we know, cost is always a factor and there are many influences to determining what parents can afford without going so low as to being unable to pay my own bills. I do still keep my charges low.

The economy is hurting us all very badly. Adults are loosing jobs quickly and in mass amounts. People who have worked at major corporations for years and years have lost their jobs and are forced to work at fast food places at 1/4 the pay! The competition is huge! In working at fast foods, grocery stores, etc., they are also forced to work varying hours. My point is such that the state of the economy, parents are having tough times, with crazy hours, doing the best they can to hold on to minimum paying jobs.

I don't want to sound selfish, but I said all that to say, the kids all get here at varying hours, that change from week to week, sometimes even daily. To prepare a cirriculum is fairly difficult because often I don't know who I will have for the day. In addition to that, having my grandson makes for difficulty scheduling as well, babies will be babies.

Every now and again, we have exceptionally exciting days that flow wonderfully. For me, "every not and then" is not enough. Often I feel discouraged and bored. I can only wonder what the children might be feeling.

They do enjoy playing together and are learning may social and interactive skills. They get a lot of physical activity. A few days ago, my friend and neighbor came over and we decided on a whim to rearrange the entire backyard. It turned out very, very nice! The kids absolutely love it and it allows for them to get more large muscle use.

Making Changes

Today was rather interesting. I spent the whole weekend calculating my time due to the prevention of depression. Today proved successful :). Somehow, I feel my depression is caused by my interpretation of the events in my life.

Saturday, my 17 year old boy surprised me by doing many chores that I had mentioned needed to be done, but as usual, I had forgotten about. It gave me such a sense of relief. So often, I feel as if I must run everything or nothing will get done. I suppose that is the oldest known statement of a mother LOL! My son remembered to put the banner up to advertise for daycare kids. He washed my car that has recently been repaired after being inoperatable for a year and 7 months, and he cut the front grass which makes the house look so much better :). Keep in mind, he is on restriction too! Saturday night, we crawled into our jammies and watched dvd's til late.

Sunday, I laid in bed all day, in my jammies, watching movies. At first, I kept telling myself, this is ridiculous and I need to get up. Then I remembered, a friend of mine once told me, that sometimes that is exactly what you need is to do "nothing" all day long. I did get up eventually to go to sunday service which I was glad I did. I took my grandson who was rather cranky.

While at services on sunday, my grandson made a biscuit in his diaper which seemed to burn his bottom :(. It concerned me a great deal because this was not like him. My first thought was his teeth. His bottom two teeth are just about ready to break through. Later that evening, he did it again. I put salve on him to prevent another occurrence.

When I spoke to my daughter about his burning bottom, she recalled having some jalapenos a few days ago (She pumps her breast milk and freezes it). Last night, he was cranky throughout the night, waking up about 4 times. This morning, he did much better. Upon making another biscuit, he is fine now :), though I think he is getting a tad bit spoiled! :)

Today went quite well as Gina, my neighbor from acoss the street dropped in for a visit. We took the boys outside (daycare kids) to play. She loves to decorate and build major projects. She got an idea to change my entire patio and yard around so that now it looks like a regular little playgroud for the kids :) If I knew how to download pictures, I would show you. The boys had a blast out there!

Saturday, my daughter brought me home some beautiful flowers, once again in appreciation for keeping the baby while she continues to go to school and work. Now that the baby is getting older and I am getting a bit more sleep, not much, things feel a little better.

I am thinking about keeping kids on satuday because I simply need the money. The thing about doing weekend care, is that I will not get a break at all from working. I ask myself, has it come to that point that I must work every day? That's just sad!

Getting Worried

I admit, I am quite concerned about my budget. I am getting phone calls for the openings that I do have in the daycare, however, for whatever reason, it has not worked out. Many of the parents are calling from far away that do not travel this way for work. Others have very hectic work hours and are unable to pay an hourly rate of $9.00/hr. Others are part time and do not realize the cost of childcare until they contact the provider.

I did go out yesterday to one of the subsidized offices and passed out flyers. I had a chance to make direct contact wtih some of the parents. They were very kind and receptive, but that doesn't necessarily mean they need childcare.

On a good note, I did get my car back after 1 year and 7 months! It only cost $350 which included both parts and labor! This was paid for prior to my budget crunch. I had two mechanics tell me I needed a new engine at $2800, another tell me it was the computer chip at $1800 and two others tell me it was fuel related. All these were absolutely incorrect! I am so glad I trusted my gut. I have always taken good care of my vehicles with regular upkeep. I felt all of these were extreme. So, I waited. Now, I am waiting for the budget to get better so I can get the car registered, smogged and insured.

A Full House!

As I sit here and speak to you all, I have a housefull of children! I am tired, but can you believe I am enjoying it?! Am I crazy!

I have my regular late sibling set, a 10 year old and a 20 month old, and I am baby sitting a sibling set that was in the daycare previously but moved ot a different city, 3 year old and 1 year old. Plus, I am watching my friends' grandson, 7 years old due to a death in the family. My grandson I am still taking care of until grandpa (my ex husband) comes to pick up both our teenage boys and the baby for the weekend.

Yes! my household is quite busy right now! When it is all over, I will totally colapse into oblivion! Too bad daycare providers are not paid enough for all that they do! One has to be insane to do such a profession :)! There ya' go...I must be insane! LOL!

Have a happy and fulfilled weekend!....presious

Teething Sadness

My grandson, now 5 months old, is teething pretty badly. Poor baby, you can see where the teeth are pressing through is gums. Yesterday was pretty tough for him. Last night, I gave him some tylennol and a nice warm bath, rubbed him down with baby oil, gave him a nice warm bottle of milk, then wrapped him in a blanket and rocked him to sleep. He woke up only once in the middle of the night.

He is having a wonderful morning so far. He is not crying, in fact, he is smiling and having a good time playing with his toys :). He should be getting ready for his morning nap. It's so hard when they teeth and there's not a whole lot we can do for their discomfort. This time, it worked out well. Nana is happy and I am certain that my grandson is much better!

Getting Better

Thank you for your response to "What Do You Do?". You are right, it is very heart breaking. My heart felt for her so much. I couldn't imagine what she must be feeling, even today.

The family came over yesterday evening and updated me on the situation. The two members that came were her sister and brother-in-law. They wanted to know what had happened from my perspective since everyone was so very upset and I was on the outside so-to-speak. They also explained some significant family history with some very old school, generational dysfunctions. This poor girl, being the youngest in the immediate family at 20 years old, has become the scapegoat/target of the family's dysfunctions. This has been going on for a very, very long time. All that in addition to her being born possibly a drug baby.

She has never had any real support. The family really seems to be in denial of her symptoms i.e. possibly biopolar with signficant depression and major anxiety. Their expectations of her is that of a 20 year old when in reality, emotionally, she may be 12 or 13 years old. Therefore, they would need to expect her to have the behavior of a young teenager and not a young adult woman.

I spoke with the family and pointed out these aspects. The sister and brother-in-law understood and decided to create a plan of taking her to live with them in order to provide her with some guidance and to allow her feel secure and loved. The other members of the family were quite angry and maintained their higher expectations of her while making fairly extreme accusations.

This is only a crumb in this child's experience. I can not begin to tell you some other aspects of this child's experience in this family. Ignorance comes at a high price to those on the receiving end. It is a sad situation when human beings are incapable of learning new skills to help, not only themselves, but those loved ones that are very close to them. In the end, they all suffer. The family system is quite dynamic, both positively and negatively.

The hope is that, once she moves in with her sister, she will take steps and make progress towards healing. It will not come overnight, but she has to start somewhere. The permanent relocation won't happen til June, however, they want to pick her up this friday and keep her for a few weeks, and periodically, until June. There are some things that need to be straightened out before the final move.

Keep the prayers coming for this family and many others who are going through the same experience.

Much Love!

What do you do?

Last night was heart breaking for me as an event occurred with my neighbor and dear friend from across the street. She is a wonderful mother and wife. I have always admired her for how well she handles her husband and children of a blended family.

One of the daughters, all five of the kids are grown, was exposed to drugs in the womb by the biological mother. My friend is the stepmom. As a result of this exposure, this particular daughter will always have emotional difficulties from time to time i.e. irrational, anger issues, explosive, tell untruths, etc. For the most part, she remains stable until she feels threatened.

Recently, the daughter lost her boyfriend, somewhat due to her mental irrationalities. Her greatgrand mother passed away last week and her father, who is her strong hold, had to go to New York for the services. So, basically, she has had some major losses very recently.

Well, last night every thing came to a head and she had a major melt down and tried to cut her wrists. I don't think she was trying to "kill" herself because she did not cut horizontally, rather she cut vertically, as if she was trying to create a release valve for all the anxieties she was feeling.

During the ordeal, her stepmom ordered her sister to come get me to assist in calming things down. I ran over to help. The police had already been called, which they responded very well and in a caring fashion. They send 6 police units, a fire engine and an ambulance! They handled her very well as they took her in for a 5150. After it all had calmed down, I sat with my friend for a few hours and we talked. I very, very, very difficult situation to live with. At any given time, the daughter can have a melt down. In tha past, she has attacked the family with knives and fighting. Quite naturally, they will see about medicating her, however, the pattern is typcially that when they start to feel better, they stop taking the medication, then they start all over again.

I worked in juvenile hall for about a year (before being terminated due to the economy), in the high security unit. It was hard to watch these teenagers who had similar issues and had resorted to the streets for guidance and, thus, ended up locked up. Often, these kids would have melt downs, even become suicidal. It was my job to evaluate and cousel with them. Many of them were broken as very young children. Many days, I drove home worried or in tears behind these young men who had become so hardened by street life due to circumstances that were not their own. Sometimes, once the damage is done, there is no turning back.

Again, I ask, what do you do?....very sad