A Surprise For Myself

I don't know if I ever shared this with any of my friends in blog world. When I was a therapist in the security unit of juvenile hall, there was a particular young man whom I had grown fond of. He was a young boy who had been through some great losses in his life. When he was 5 years old, walking to the store with his father, his father was shot by a stray bullet and fell dead in front of him.

This young man is not a violent young man. His mom really wasn't there for him in a way he needed her to be. Often times, when they were very young, she would leave him and his brother home for days all alone. They'd only have cereal and milk to eat and were responsible for getting themselves up for school each morning. They were in elementary school at the time.

When the cereal and milk ran out, they had learned to steal in order to get more food. From there, they began stealing bigger things from clothes to cars. Then, he began to rob people and to sell drugs in a major way. He was only 17 when I met him in juvenile hall. He was not in a gang, but had learned to hussle in an extremely illegal fashion.

As a therapist working with high offense young men, you find that at one time they were good boys just like our own sons. Some are remorseful such as this young man. Once he took a walk back into his childhood, he began to see how and why is life went so wrong. Now he's paying a high price for it. He got 9 years in prison.

He was transfer to state prison about a month before I was terminated from the job. He has been on my mind since then. I remember him being so afraid to go alone. He said he's be ok if I were to go and still be his therapist. Unfortunately, that's not how life works. He did develop some coping skills to take with him, but without reinforcement, how well has he done? He had become like a son to me.

Well, good news is, I found him today, or should I say, I found out what prison he is in. I just want to drop him a few lines to see how he is doing. His family wasn't very supportive and made promises to visit him in juvenile hall but never showed up. Often times, he would sadly say, "Ms. Lori, I wish you were my mom."

So, I took the time to write him a letter. It can take a while before I receive a letter back. Prison may have changed him and he may not want to have any contact with me or he may not remember me. It's been two years. A lot can happen in that length of time.

We will see....positive thoughts.

Everything On The Mark

What a wonderful feeling when you review the budget and the bills for the month and find everything right on task!....whew! It's tight, but it's working. That's when doing your job is worth the struggle. The accounts look good for the second week of the month.

If things stay straight, I will have the money for the modification on the house in no time. Patience! Patience! Patience! It is truly a virtue worth developing! The reward is awesome!

It takes work to hold your breath in hopes that nothing will go wrong. Definitely worth the learning!

A Monday

Today is over. It was very good for good for a monday. Especially considering I had kids on saturday and sunday.

Once again, a fellow day care provider said to me, "It's a mind game." Perhaps she's right. It's not to say that I won't have my share of bad days. This week's late nights are monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday.

Right now, I am sitting at my desk with all the kids laying on their beds on the floor writing this blog entry. I have my pj's on and the room is dimly lit with one small lamp. The kids are very quiet as they watch "Jungle Book". My grandson is toddling around but he's pretty concentrated on a small toy truck. I think it is very important to stay organized with a steady routine (these are not actually my kids in this picture, but it's pretty much how my family room floor looks about now...lol).

The morning started off a tad rough, but I simply went with the flow rather than try to resist. I had planned to have the kids do their lesson first thing in the morning. However, my daughter came in with lots of happy energy and prepared breakfast, my son was on his laptop at the kitchen table and Ms. G from across the street came over to borrow my computer.

So, after everyone left, I prepped lunch for the kids, let them play a bit more before feeding them, then put them down for nap. I got them up an hour early and did lesson with them. When my school aged boy arrived, I had him do his homework while the little ones finished up their work. Then every one had snack and went outside to play. By dinner time, everyone was pretty exhausted. The early kids went home and I fed the rest dinner. They played some more before settling in for the night.

I know, why am I so excited? Boring huh? Unfortuantely, I count on each day being a success, primarily for myself. Because I am prone to depression, I challenge each day to be some form of success, especially with a housefull of children. Other than the day care, I have to life....sad huh? So, I have determined within myself to make the best of what I have.

Sorry if my life is so boring. I really know it is.

Took Friday Off

I did it! I did it! I took yesterday off from the daycare :). I planned it two weeks in advance. I felt horribly guilty until today, after I returned home.

My son was such a huge help. He took all the kids' carseats out of the van. He vacuumed it out, loaded up blankets, the lawn chairs, and a kitchen box. I drove up to Oceanside Habor, stopped at the store for a few items of food supplies and then to the beach side. I got there about 11:15am. There was a marine layer but the temperature was perfect with a nice cool breeze!

A platonic friend met me up there. Been knowing him for years. He's been pretty stressed out. He bought t-bone steaks that he cooked...yummie!! Then we made a bonfire and talked for a very long, long time. I stayed the night and came home midmorning today.

I had intended to stay till sunday afternoon, but I had two weekend daycare kids. My daughter and my sons took care the daycare. They were champs! I felt guilty because my daughter works at night. When she came in from work in the morning, she received and took care of the two day care kids with the help of my boys. I felt bad. So I came home saturday.

It was so worth it. I feel great. Waking up to the sound of the waves...there's nothing like it! Morning coffee sitting on the beach....awwwwhh! Now I'm really anxious to get my motorhome finished!

A Shout Out

I want to send a big, big shout out to my friend Polly! She is such a warm, caring and tender hearted friend whom I met through the world of blogging. She has sent me an award that I am in so much appreciation of. She has termed me the "Comment Queen"...I happily accept...:)

Unfortunately, I feel like a silly because I have no idea how to transfer it to my blog!...lol! I have tried and tried. Please! If anyone can help, I am all ears!

Ooooh! Look! My son just showed me how! Yes, it was quite simple!

Thank you soooo much Polly! In my appreciation, here's a teddy bear hug for you!

Now, as Polly has demonstrated, we are to extend our award onto a fellow friend. I have chosen that friend to be Linda and Her Twaddle I love how she expresses her normal, everyday thoughts. She's so realistic while being so tactful with the truth. Good going Linda :)!

Weekend with New Kids

I had my first saturday with the new kids this weekend. It gave me a chance to really see what L., the 4 year old was made of. Although he has been through some trauma in his life, I think he does what he does because he can get away with it. I don't mean to imply that he was not affected by the trauma. I absolutely believe he is. Let me explain a little bit.

During his stay at our house on saturday, he was a very good boy. I mean, kids will be kids and they will have their moments. He did nothing extreme such as hitting, punching, kicking or pushing. For the first half of his time here, I was at the salon getting my hair done. My daughter was here with him and she said he did fine. It was his first time with my daughter too. When he first stayed with me, last week, he tried me left and right, with small behaviors but nothing extreme.

Now, in preschool, his behavior is very extreme. This does not reflect on the teacher whatsoever. I believe she is a wonderful teacher. In fact, I feel sorry for the teacher. In preschools, the teacher is not allowed to place a child in timeout. If a child misbehaves, a teacher can only "redirect" that child to another play area or another toy. So, really, there are no consequences for the child to learn that his behavior is unacceptable.

His behavior with him mom is so-so, according to her. I think she mainly deals with the two of them being jealous for her attention and their sibling rivalry which is normal.

While he was here playing, we spent time talking about little stuff he would bring up. He has quite a silly side to his personality, very cute. He ate well and took a nice nap. Overall, he did quite well.

My Hair

I finally got my hair done! I am truly very happy with it. I was so excited about getting it done that I couldn't sleep last night. Due to finances and having moved to a new area, I really was not able to do it. I had a fair amount of anxiety this morning as I was getting ready to go.

I found the idea of anxiety behind getting my hair done a bit uncomfortable. It seems I have let myself go, in terms of my appearance, until I have become an introvert. I think the idea of going out into public, for something besides picking up a kid from school,

After neglecting myself for so long and beginning to feel very run down, I decided to do it for ME. To my surprise, my hair is still pretty healthy. She said I did have a little breakage in some spots, but overall it was good. I wanted to do something a little different so she offered to put a little color in it. I like it a lot. It will definitely take some getting use to. I don't wear my hair down. I am a ponytail girl.