Been Awhile

It's been alittle while since I've posted. I am feeling so "brain-tired" lately. As I have mentioned before, I try to stay on top of things in order to prevent any major catastrophies. My sister says I am too controlling. I just might be so.

Often, very often, I feel a lot rests on my shoulders. I don't want to whine or complain. I'm sure I'm not the only one in my position. Being a single parent, even though my children are pretty much grown, it seems I am the foundation to most of our living. I suppose, being the parent, to a certain extent it is suposed to be that way. My kids are good kids. They contribute where they can. At the same time, they are still "kid-minded" when it comes to mom, as most kids are.

I think I try very hard to make home comfortable and safe for them is because my mom was very emotional. She would have extreme, intense emotional swings. Though I understood it as I grew into my teens, it was fairly difficult to live with. I'm very thankful for my grandmother (her mother) who would allow me to live with her from time to time, as long as I wanted.

I too, have my share of emotional swings, but not nearly as severe as my mom's. My motivation was/is to provide for my children differently. To communicate with them and allow them to communicate with me. My effort as been to be completely opposite of controlling. I have raised my children to be disciplined, polite and respectful, which I feel they have achieved very well.

There is no instruction manual for raising our children. Our own childhood becomes our blueprint to life itself. I feel his blueprint is what guides in life. I am very passionate about being a parent. This is where I think my controlling nature comes in.

I don't want my children to hurt or to be hurt. I am very protective as any mother would be. I consider the fact that, I am getting older and I may not be here one day. My effort has always been, especially as they are young adults, to train them to handle life; from jobs to paying bills to getting their car repaired to being professional and anything else in between. All of them do very well. Our communication is very open.

In a nutshell, this is the foundation of my anxieties. Unfortunately, it seems, in my effort to endure life's punches for my children, I've become almost obsessed with keeping a sound, strong, safe home front for my children. My mother had her ways, but she loved us dearly. We were her life. I am thankful to her sister and her mother who, along with my mom, have filled in so many of the gaps in my life to make me the mom I am today.

I don't know where all this is coming from, but it was on my heart. Thanks for listening. Life is just too short not to appreciate so many of the things we take for granted....such as our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and our children.

May my mom and her mother rest in peace.....DOD 1999 (mom) & DOD 2008 (grandmother)

Good News! Good News!

I finally heard from my boy! He called me last night. He was so happy to talk. He said prison has been very difficult but he thinks he has the hang of it. He said the criminals are extremely, extremely hard core. He has a nice roommate and they keep to themselves. He said sometimes when riots breakout, you have to defend yourself and that the other day, several inmakes dies in a riot.

Unfortunately, he is very upset and hasn't spoken to his family since 2007. This really saddened me. He is upset with him mom because, in 2007, they had a DNA test done on his son (who is not 3 years old). My boy's mom has been raising the grandson. Turns out, it's not his son. His mother did not tell him for over a year. I tried to get him to understand that she was attached to him. At that point, for her, it did not matter whether her grandson was biologically hers. She was emotionally invested. He was being stubborn and his phone time has ran out.

Also very disturbing, while he was actually located in his home town, none of his siblings came to visit him. That's really sad. I can hear in his voice he was really hurt by that, understandably so. So, he has alienated himself from his siblings as well. His mother eventually moved to Texas. She doesn't call or write. Not cool.

I did ask him, if he were to get our of prison tomorrow, would he change his lifestyle? He very quickly said, "Yes, I would. Absolutely." He said he would have to relocate to another area in the city, but he would be willing to do whatever it took to make the change. He said, it would be hard because of the temptation, but it wasn't worth being locked up. He has 5 more years to go. He has a long time to think it over!

Anyway, I am thrilled to have talked to him. I'm thinking about going to visit him. I need to find more info about it. I really need to think about it. Don't know what's that like. I would imagine the officers would keep me safe. Need to find out more info.

Good News and Bad News

Good News:

I received a letter from my little friend in prison :). Yes, I am very happy. It turns out, as I was concerned about, he was having some trouble with the other inmates and had to be transferred to go to court. Things were quite unsettled for a while.

He said since things had settled down, that he was thinking about me and our sessions back at the Hall. He was getting ready to have a family member look me up when he received my letter. I feel good knowing he is ok. He had said, on our last appointment at juvenile hall, that he was concerned and a little bit scared of going to prison. Prison is not like juvenile hall. Prison is with some very serious criminals. He's alone and still very young. I plan to write him very soon. He anxious to hear from me again. Hopefully, I can provide him with some encouragement. He has 7 more years to go!

Bad/Good News:

The two new kids are gone. Mom's work schedule just did not work for me. There was no way I would be able to work both saturday and sunday for 12 hour shifts. It was just too much. I did not realize how exhausted I was until I did not have the kids this past weekend. I was so tired that my body ached all over.

The bad news is, I am back looking for kids again. I am back to being concerned about the budget. I am also concerned about the 4 year old boy. Mom called me this morning to tell me how he did with his new sitter. Not good at all. He was throwing tantrums, screaming at the top of his voice, throwing toys, kicking walls, just very much out of control. The sitter called her, at work, 7 times over the weekend. She is trying a new sitter today. I feel bad because he did not act that way for me. I did not get that behavior from him. I have told his mom, several times, that it seems he is so misunderstood by other people. He requires a little more time than the average kid...just a little more time :(. Poor baby.

My door is kind of open as a last resort. We talked about me having the kids every day except thursday evenings, so I can go to bible study, and the weekends. So, we will see how things work out.

Staying Afloat

I haven't blogged in a quite a while. Been so busy since I've gotten the two new kids. Their mom's schedule is extremely crazy. At first, I told her we will see how the weekends go. I can see saturday if that is her work schedule. However, sunday is another thing. After trying it on sundays for a few weeks, I have concluded, sundays will not work. With all my openings filled, and all the varied work schedules of the parents, I am working, literally, 7 days per week! It's crazy! I let her know, effective January 1st, I will be closed on sundays.

Friday, one of my the kids' father was laid off of his job. Unfortunately, friday was her last day. On the positive side, just thursday, I received a phone call from a parent who had been tracking me on my website. She saw my name, which just so happens to be the same last name as theirs. So, they gave me a call and we spoke for a long time. My last name is from my marriage. Turns out our family roots are from the same city and state. They live just a few blocks away from me now.

On saturday, the whole family came over to discuss both the family and daycare!...lol; both grandparents, the mother (dad was sleeping, he works at night as a sheriff), auntie and the two boys. It was such a nice visit :). They have two boys, 2 and 7 years old. They will only need care for a few days per week. There may be a problem with the 7 year old because I have another after school pick up at the same time. We will have to talk more about that.

It felt good that there was another potential family available after loosing another....they haven't decided as of yet. So, we will see.

I've been so busy lately that I haven't been working much on my crotcheting. A little disappointing, but I am taking care of myself and staying focused. I feel balanced spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physcially. I am one who has a tendency towards depression and anxiety. Balance is very important to my life. I spend a great deal of time, throughout the day, checking on each of these areas of my life.

I find that tiredness/exhaustion leads very quickly to depression which leads to anxiety. Pacing myself throughout the day is extremely important. Making daily to-do lists makes a huge difference. I see and track my progress; what has been completed and what still needs to be done. Leaves me with a great sense of accomplishment. I feel less overwhelmed. Hot baths help with physical aspects and relaxation. Supplements also help with nutrition and repleshment.

My Grandson's A Year Old Now!

My grand baby is a year old already :). We just had a small family gathering at the park. Family came from San Diego, Moreno Valley, and Los Angeles to Lake Elsinore for our sweet little boy. It went very well. He was quite sleepy just prior to going. He had not had his nap for the day :(. He had been shopping with mommie for his outfit and his gifts.

Once we arrived at the park, he was awake and ready to go! He really enjoyed playing and eating his cake. His father (a sensitive subject that I won't discuss at this moment) was there as well. His father's family was there, which turned out to be very nice. All the grandparents were able to visit for the first time! It was quite exciting. (His dad is adopted from birth by his aunt and uncle, but he calls them mom and dad).












I had two day care kids on this day. They enjoyed themselves as well. Everything went very smoothly. Yes, he got plenty of toys! Mommie is very good about developmental toys to help him grow. Grandma-Maria got him his potty chair :) although it is a tad too soon to start potty training...lol! She's a very good grandma.


For a rare moment, I was able to see happiness in my daughter's eyes as she smiled upon her son. Though he was an unexpected surprise, he has definitely added a huge amount of happiness to her life. My grandson is a very much loved baby.

A Reminder

As I sit here, with the late nighters watching a movie, I am reading some blogs. I came across topiarycow. blog regarding the bug in her tea, it reminded me of, not only the taranchula we found in our backyard, but also the scorpion in my bedroom.

Back when we first moved here, approximately two weeks after moving in, I saw him. My bedroom and bathroom are a rather large suit. Being that I do not like the dark (never have), I had a night light in the bathroom. The light was bright enough to shine dimly into the bedroom.

About 3:00 am, I had to go potty. As I walk across my bedroom towards the bathroom, I catch a very faint shadow of movement across the floor. At this time of the morning, you would think I wasn't quite coherent. My mind clicked real fast when I turned to see what it was. Yes, I was initially in shock until I turned on the light. Sure 'nough it was a scorpion! My bedroom is upstairs! I could not and still cannont comprehend how he got all the way upstairs! I quickly grabbed the cub from the medicine cabinet and a piece of paper. I put the cup over him, then slid the paper under the cup to get him into the cup. I took him and flushed him down the toilet. Needless to say, my sleep was not peaceful!

A few months later, we had one with the light cover in the kitchen. The light is a fluorescent light and quite long. The cover is like a large bun that covers the lights themselves and is very bright. We were in the kitchen and we here this subtle scratching sound. We look up and there was another one! I left this one in the light fixture for several days until I was able to get a friend of mine to get him down. I certainly wasn't going to do it!

It totally creeped me out. I thought they were pretty poisonous until I called and asked an exterminator. Their sting is supposed to be pretty intense and lasts somewhere in the range of 8 hours. However, they are supposedly harmless.

These scorpions were almost clear, kind of beige in color and their tails were definitely curled upward as if ready to attack. If I had not gotten up to go potty, where might I have found him...or he hav found me?!

Much Appreciation

I want to thank you girls for responding to my blog regarding my little friend/client in prison.

From my experience of working in juvenile hall, it can take a while for a letter to arrive, go through inspection and finally be given to the inmate. A lot of illegal items go through the mail of the prison system. So, it is very understandable. However, the wait can be a bit trying on one's patience :). Then I have to wait for the process to go in reverse when/if he writes me back. It will be awhile before I know.

I did call today and was able to leave a message for the therapist on his unit. He may not be receiving therapy. It would be his choice. A lot of the time, inmates don't trust therapist. It took a lot for him to trust me in the beginning. It's just the nature of their lifestyle. The good news is, he doesn't have to be in therapy in order for the therapist to let him know that I left a message for him.

I am very excited. The wait and anticipation is very difficult. I feel like I am holdling my breath...lol! Keep in mind, he might not want to contact me. He may feel that I have abandoned him. Then again, if anyone would look for him, he knew it would be me.

Time will tell! The wait is on!