The Past Few Days

I haven't had much energy or time to blog lately. My brain is so full of trying to find ways to make my finances work. I don't want to continue complaining. Sometimes, I don't want to hear myself talk anymore...lol.

I did speak with a few people this week. One was the nutritionist for the day care. She said is it not uncommon for parents to not need childcare during the summer. Parents literally take their kids out of day care and use the older siblings to babysit. This way they save money. I haven't had any children taken out of the day care. I am just not receiving new ones. She said the economy is such that many providers are actually closing their day cares because of this. No kids, no money. She said, things usually pick up once school starts again. The kids go back to school around August 12th. I would think I should begin to get calls, at least, a week before school begins. We will see.

The other person I spoke with was in regards to modifying my mortgage. I did get all the paperwork done. He said I can put down half the money to get started, which I have. I was thinking of doing a Short Sale to give up the house, but he suggested I wait, at least, until the modification was complete.

I've been exhausted lately. I'm still trying to muddle through. I had late nighters last night and I will have them tonight as well. I plan to call the agent for the modification today. I want to schedule a time to meet and review the steps. I need to do this as soon as possible.

The Answer

Lately, I've had this tremendous pain in my back and all my methods are not working. I think I finally figured it out! :) My daughter bought me some flowers in appreciation for looking after my grandson. They are absolutly beautiful. However, I think I am allergic to them. There are some purple daisy flowers, that look very much like these here, with some other beautiful flowers mixed in, along with a type of fern.

What makes me think this is, yesterday, the pain was so bad I couldn't take a deep breath to cough. This made me think the pain might be respiratory related. Immediately, I thought about the flowers. So, I put them outside last night.

When I got up this morning, well before anyone gets up or the day care kids arrive, I opened the windows and turned on the ceiling fans to flush the air out of the house. Hopefully, this will make a difference.

Much Better

I literally find myself holding my shoulders up. What is that about? I am not hurting anymore. It's a wonder what a hot spa bath can do for some muscle pain...lol!

All I can say is that I feel sooooo much better. I think I hold my shoulders as a stress response. I might consider doing a spa bath every night if that is what it takes to stop the pain.

Besides, it gives me time to myself and to relax, absolutely refreshing :)

The Plan

I ran my plan to my daughter about the boys being paid $20/week to look after my grandson while they were out of school. She thought it was a good idea, but she can't afford it right now. So, I plan to do it.

We started yesterday. It was wonderful! My son is super at taking care of him. It was sooo nice not to have to keep getting up chasing a 9 month old...lol! I did not realize just how much he requires! I guess I am getting pretty old. LOL!

I really think it would be different if he went home at night and came back in the morning like a normal daycare child. However, being that it is my own grandson, and I have him pretty much 24/7, it really is a lot of work. I get pretty overwhelmed. Because it is my grandson, I go on auto pilot in taking care of him. This catches up to me in time.

I'm quite excited about this new plan. When I paid my son, he was very happy and immediately started making plans for his new found cash flow!...lol! I was able to take a nice long, hot spa bath last night. My neck, back and shoulders feel much better today. Just think, a few more days of this, I will be back to my good old self!!

Maybe the daycare won't be such a bad thing after all....:)

Something Else

I am feeling very "stuck" this morning. Frankly, I really do not want to do daycare. I feel horribly guilty. I love kids to the end, but I have done this for 17 years the first round. Then I went back to school and completed a Masters program. After three years, I am back doing daycare.

It's really not the kids themselves. I believe it is the circumstances that I really resent. Then to find out later that I was terminated because of my supervisor not doing her job efficiently. She thought by terminating me, it would straighten out whatever issue was going on at the time.

I truly try to look at the pros and cons. For every situation, there are pros and cons. I am tremendously grateful to have the daycare.Without it, I would not have income. However, I am not motivated to keep my interest going. Sure the kids are safe, clean, well fed, etc. But there's more to it than just that when it comes to daycare. There's crafts, lesson, storytime, trips to the park, etc. I feel incredibly guilty!!

I also feel extremely discouraged in this regard. I looked into possibly returning to the job market. Things did not look good. Half of my intern hours have expired. By the time I would be able to find a job, the rest of them would be expired. Most of the jobs out there are looking for a "licensed" therapist which really narrows the field way down. Not to mention, the cost itself to return to the field of about $800. Then, there's my grandson. He'd have to go to a daycare and we'd have to put out more money.

With all that said, I try so hard to push myself to work with the daycare. I just don't want to do it. I do have the environment set up for them to be pretty independent in thier self applications, but I don't feel that is enough.

I am soooo very disappointed, not motivated, feeling horribly guilty :( and do not know what to do.

Creative Flow

For a long time, I've been trying to think of something I can do to stir my creative flow. I use to crotchet and make personalized pillows. I haven't done these in a long time. I think it is because my life has become so busy that I don't feel I will have time for it. I've tried in the past and never completed anything. I became quite frustrated. It became more "work" to finish it which took the fun out of it.

Last night, I had another idea that I can do in time for winter. Teenagers like to wear hoods. I thought I could crotchet scarves with hoods on them. It shouldn't take too long to make and I can make them in lots of different colors. I can even vary the crotchet stitch to make it more interesting, or even knit a few of them! Perhaps, I can look through my supplies to see what I have to begin :). I don't even need a pattern! When I was younger, and had more time, I made blankets for all of my nieces and nephews, even my own children. They still use them today!

Well, sounds like a plan :). I will see what I can do with what I have already.

Falling Apart...lol!

Saturday morning, I woke up with a stiff, painful neck and upper back. I think I lifted the laundry basket or my grandson the wrong way. Actually, I believe it to have been the laundry basket. I vaguely remember feeling my back strain when I lifted it on friday.

I am not one to take medicinces unless I absolutely must. I did not break down and take a muscle relaxant until saturday afternoon. That is how painful it was. I also still had to look after my grandson.

Saturday night, my best friend called and wanted to go to the drive in movies :). Yes, we had fun. We left the baby with her two teenagers over night. We haven't been out to have fun in a very long time. When I woke up the next morning, sunday, I was still in quite a bit of pain. I spent the day resting on the heating pad. My grandson was exhausted. He took a four hour nap that afternoon! Normally, I take him and my boys to services. Today, I decided to go alone so I could relax and enjoy myself. I really did enjoy myself :).

Today, it is the opposite side!! Is that crazy or what?! I slept on the heat pad, even though it says not to on the box :). Right now, I can feel it right below my right shoulder blade. If I take a deep breath, it will hurt!

I think I'm falling apart!...lol!

This Morning

I woke up feeling quite groggy. It took a while to shake it off. The morning went well considering. I usually get out of bed about 5:50 am to get a head start before the kids arrive and before my grandson wakes up. This way, I usually have time to have something hot to drink, prep my grandson's breakfast and sit a minute to watch the news while I finish waking up.

This morning went particularly well. All the kids arrived late, but at the same time and my grandson woke up as the doorbell was ringing!...lol! The kids usually start arriving at 7:10 am or so. Today they arrived more like 8:05 am. I have my usual three preschool boys and my grandson. However, my daughter took him with her to meet with his father to take pictures today and to spend the day together....which is very unusual. I have hopes that it will turn into a regular occurrence.

I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine whom I have not spoken with in a long time. He helped me a lot with the fibro by doing research on how to care for it. I had forgotten that eating fresh veggies and fruits really make a difference in reducing the symptoms. So, I sent my boys to the grocery store for salad supplies and fruits.

In addition, there is a free jazz concert this weekend and I asked him to come up and go with me. We are looking in to the arrangements. This is something we use to do as friends all the time. It would be a nice outing for the weekend :).

Progress

I decided to take a look at the budget when I realized I hadn't paid the mortgage on my rental property. Things looked better than I thought. I had more money than I expected. I managed to pay some bills which I thought were past due that were, actually, not past due...lol! I couldn't pay all of them, but I did pay most of them. It felt really good to do it. I know that sounds like really dumb, but I really don't like my finances to be messed up. I'm kinda anal like that. I have the rest of them to set up and ready to mail. That way, when I get the check in the mail, I can make the deposit and drop them off at the mail box.

I did get news today that my tenant is moving out. She was renting with her husband, their two young children, her brother and both her parents. Unfortunately, she simply grew tired of managing everyone and decided to separate from the extended family. She's are real sweetheart. So, I am in process of looking for a new tenant. Hopefully, it will not be too difficult. I've never had a problem in the past five years. I usually am able to get a new tenant before the old one moves out. Prayerfully, this will happen this time as well.

I'm pretty worn out for a long day's work, but the pain has subsided a lot. I have one late nighter and my grandson tonight. I think I did pretty good for a day's work.

Till later

Kids & Appreciation

Well, the kids have been out of school for the summer and it is that time for them to help out around the house. My boys are really good about it. They've been raised that way and they expect it.

My oldest boy came home for the weekend which is always a wonderful treat. He is more settled now with a direction for his life. He is still using my car which is holding up pretty well. Since it got broken into and the radio stolen, it has been a bit vulnerable. So, this weekend, I had all that fixed. My son washed the car and it looked brand new! He has really calmed down and has begun to relax and focus.

In addition to putting the lawn mower in the shop, repairing the shampooer & shampooing the carpets and taking a load of junk to the thrift store, I have had the boys help out in the day care as well. I really want them to get an appreciation for what it takes to run the day care. I say this because they don't seem to understand why mom is so cranky and tired at the end of the day, especially when they don't handle their responsibilities such as emptying the trash or washing the dishes.

My youngest boy, who will soon be 15 years old at the end of this month, is really, really good with the baby. I am so very impressed! Throughout the day, he has changed his diaper, prepared his food & fed him and put him to sleep. During the evening, he does a very good job as well. The baby is totally crazy about his uncle! It is so cute because when uncle walks into the room, baby gets really excited and will get upset if uncle doesn't take him! Being that the father of the baby is not involved, this is a really nice bond for the baby that I hope only gets stronger as they both grow.

Its been tough with the budget being so tight, but so far so good. It's like the further along we get, the tighter it gets. I do have a check coming from one of the subsidized programs. It will help a lot but not enough to make a difference towards the mortgage. I'm still doing ok emotionally. I haven't fallen apart with worry. I am still having a significant amount of pain but it has been manageable with the baths.

Well, the kids are down and I just wanted to touch basis. It's been a while since I've posted an entry. I do, however, keep up on my reading of other blogs. It really helps me get through my day.

I appreciate your responses, support and encouragement. It's really makes my day :). Thanks Polly, Lori, Linda and Saz.

Much Love!...Presious

Feeling Tired Again

Well, it's that time again. I am exhausted and worried. I've been trying everything to get two more kids enrolled in the day care. I haven't had any success as of yet. I have posted webpages and ads all over the internet on every search engine I can find.

I am still doing research and asking questions regarding my mortgage. I will need to set aside some money to pay the agency. I found one I think I really like and it has a money back guarantee. Yes, it is expensive but it costs about half the cost of the others. This one has an office very close to my house. I think I mentioned that in another post. I've since spoken to the representative several times. I like it when you call a business and they actually answer or they return your call. This is really important to me.

The packet of forms is pretty extensive. I started filling it out today. I have a few more statements to add to it and I will be done. Unfortunately, I will have to delay the mortgage payment for one month in order to pay this agency. I believe it will be worth it. I hoping I will be able to catch up on that payment later or through the modification.

Emotionally, I'm good. I've been enlisting the help of my boys with the my grandson. I've also been taking spa baths to keep by body relaxed. I'm doing much better physically. I've been sleeping pretty good except for last night. I couldn't get to sleep then, once I was sleep, I kept waking up. Tomorrow is a holiday and the day care will be closed. This will help with getting some rest.