Update...

I spoke to my advisors today. They recommended staying put and waiting for the completion of the modification. If at the end of the process, I decide to walk away from the house, I still can.

The advantage of staying in the house is to save what money I can since I am not paying the mortgage. That money will be used either as the first payment after the modification is complete or to do whatever I need to do should I walk away from the house. That made me feel a lot better.

Apparently, if I receive a foreclosure notice from the bank, I will still have 90 days to move. However, the modification will also work in my favor. As long as the modification is in process, the bank will not sell the house. I potentially will have 9 to 12 months to live here mortgage free.

Should I accept the modification settlement, all late payments and fees will be added to the principle. I will make payments according to the new arrangements i.e. a decreased interest rate with lowered payments. At that point, I will need the saved money as a down payment or first payment of the new arrangements.

Now, another key piece of this huge puzzle is that of getting kids in the daycare. I am already doing my best. I am also in the process of looking for other employment. We will just have to see how things go from here. In the meantime, I have decided to stay put and utilize my time as efficiently as I can.

I do feel much better. Kind of back where I was before I panicked...lol!

Brain Storming

Me and my kids sat yesterday afternoon and brainstormed on ideas of what we can do with the house, just in case the modification doesn't go well. My income is also threatened.

I am very concerned about the day care as well. Many other day cares, in the area, are closing because they can't handle the economy. Though I have been running ads in the PennySaver, putting up my banner, monitoring my webpage and talking to other providers, the kids are just not coming in. I am still down three kids. A few of my kids are three years old. Parents like to put their children in preschool at this age. If I loose those three children, I am really, really in bad shape.

So, what we discussed was my daughter, whose 21 and my 17 year old son would find a place to rent together. My 15 year old son would stay with them to finsh high school. Between the three of them, they would work out babysitting arrangements for my grandson. I would let this house go, give it back to the bank, and move back to San Diego. I would move back into the rental that I own down there.

Though I don't want to do daycare again, it is a very, very good location for it. I was well known in the area being two houses from the school. Getting children shouldn't be a problem at all. I plan to look online to see what other employment opportunities might exist. However, the down side is being away from my children and living alone, not to mentioin feeling like a complete failure to my intended goal.

I will make some phone calls today to my real estate advisors and see what their input might be. Ideally, I should wait for the modification to be completed. However, even if I get the best arrangements from the mod., if I don't get kids in the daycare, I might not be able to afford the payments anyway.

I should have more ideas by the end of the day. Positive thoughts :)

Improvement

This week has been a very good week. I haven't felt this good in a long time :). Yes, I do have some stressors, but it's all good, as the kids say.

I went out last night and bought the ingredients for my health drink I use to make a few years ago. I put organic juice, soy protein powder, veggie mix, Aloe Vera juice, any kind of fruit (I usually put apples and bananas), and an antioxidant fiber. It is very good for cleansing the system. Makes me quite regular.

I'm not much of a breakfast person. I can sip on this pretty much through lunch time. I can eat a nice light dinner with a salad, drink lots of water throughout the day and be good shape in a week or so. I'm not one for being 'strict' with my diet so, if I desire, I can still eat the way I want.

My goal is not to be on a diet. My goal is to improve my eating habits, to eat a bit more healthier. I still enjoy meat and fast food. I just won't be eating as much of it. I want more fruits, veggies and ruffage in my diet. I really think my diet is a significant part of how I've been feeling. I started this before, not too long ago, but I did not stay disciplined. I did decrease my fast food intake, but I could do better with my meals at home.

So, this is the goal, to improve my diet and to encourage myself to feel better, have more energy and to be a little healthier.

Encouraged

Lately, I've been sharing with a fellow day care provider who had called me one day. She is the one that was driving behind my van one day. She saw my day care sign on the back of the van and wrote my number down to call me. This was several months ago. We've been talking a few times a week since that day.

Being that day care is a very isolated job, talking with R. has been very, very encouraging. We share the positives and negatives of our profession. It really helps to talk to someone who 'really' knows what it takes. I feel sooo much better.

Sometimes, we call each other just to vent and get things off our chest about uncooperative parents, unruly children, lesson plans or just good, old fashion support. I have been so motivated lately. I've been much more relaxed and focused as well. My goal is to get back to doing lesson plans regularly. I'm not really sure why this is such a struggle for me.

Sometimes, when you are alone, you begin to doubt yourself and your abilities. You begin to loose sight of your direction and your goals. This can become very draining emotionally, causing depression and discouragement.

I feel so much better!...:) Many sincere hugs to her!

Monday, Monday

The weekend is over! Yes, it was very nice, busy but nice. I do have mixed feelings. As we all usually feel, it just wasn't enough time! Let's see....

Friday night, I didn't get home til 12:30am. I had to drive an hour or so to San Diego to take my sons to their dad's for the weekend. Before going to his house, I stopped at the Date Street to see how the repairs went. Yes, it was beautiful! The contractor did a wonderful job. I still want to get the grass replanted in the backyard. There are a few items I need to get rid of that the old tenants left.
Afterwards, I headed to dad's house which went well.

I did not head back until about 10:10pm. However, I ran into a bit of a small problem with the van. My son had been telling me that the steering wheel has been 'whinning'. I did not hear it until we got off our exit in San Diego. Immediately, I realized the van was low on power steering fluid. When I went to get gas, we looked in the engine to see where it would possibly go with no success. So, I figured it would be ok til the next day.

As I get back on the freeway, it began to concern me as I began to smell something burning. Usually one broken thing will lead to another when it comes to a vehicle. Oh, and I did have one late night day care child with me. I did maintain contact with his mom. She trusts me a lot. Well, I decided to pull over and call my friend Robert. He was even more concerned than I was! He didn't want to take any chances. So, he met me at a gas station.

Surely, it was the power steering fluid. It was bone dry! He put the fluid in, I gave him a huge hug, called the J's parent to let her know all was well, and off we went home. Robert called several times to make sure all was well. The van immediately stopped whinning once the fluid was in there. After taking J. home, I finally walked into my house at 12:35am.

Saturday, I got an early text on my cell phone. I had forgotten about the bible conference in Long Beach!... Ugh! I was so looking forward to sleeping in! I got up, took my supplements and had some coffee. Once I was up and going, I felt pretty good. A. picked me up. We had a nice drive and the conversation was good. As I sat in the back seat of the car, I could literally feel my body relaxing, almost tingling.

The conference went very nicely. We had packed our lunches and were able to sit on the lawn to eat. The weather was great, not too hot and not too cold. I rode back with my other friend L. We decided to do movie night when we got back home. She dropped me off at my house to change into my pj's. We were all so tired that we fell asleep on the movie!...LOL! Yes, I got home late again, almost 1:00am.

Sunday morning, I kept little J. I keep her every sunday from 6am to 2pm. Usually she comes in and goes back to sleep, but not this sunday. She slept very briefly. It was still an easy day.

At 11:00am, I decided to have the motorhome towed to my mechanic. I had been procrastinating on this for a long time. I thought sunday would be good because all was quiet and calm. Well....AAA towing service got my order all screwed up. We discussed in detail all the dimensions of the motorhome and what type of truck, a flat bed, would be needed. They sent a hook up truck!! After talking with the tech for awhile, he was so nice, I called again and filed a complaint. They decided to do a search for the proper truck. After not hearing from them for an hour, I called back. They apologized because apparently my request had been dropped. At 4:30pm we finally got the towed accomplished! I did file a complaint and plan to follow up with it today.

So, you see, it was a busy but successful weekend. Never enough time!...lol. Hopefully, the motorhome won't cost much in repairs and my mechanic will work with me for payments. The reason I took it to him is because I am not getting out of the house enough. I feel it is getting to the point of driving me batty. The motorhome serves that purpose. Low cost and take everything with me.That was my reason for purchasing it in the first place and that is what I did with it back in the day. I would really like to start doing that again.

Well, I had better get to the kids. My grandson should be waking up very soon. Have a nice day :)~~~~~

An Empty House

Wow! I actually get an empty house for the WHOLE WEEKEND!! YAAAY! I am going to spend the weekend lounging, relaxing and bathing :). I haven't had a break in a loooonnng time.

The boys are going to dad's and dad wants the baby. It is time for the baby to visit with his other grandparents for the ENTIRE WEEKEND....let me repeat, the WHOLE WEEKEND....WHOOO HOOO! :) :) :)

A Comment Today

My daughter made a comment to me today that kinda hurt my feelings. She said I did not do some of the the things that I would like to do because I am 'lazy'.

I never thought of myself as a lazy person. I will admit, I do lack motivation these days. Perhaps this means that I am lazy. She made reference to how I dress. I wear sweats and old t-shirts every day. Yes, I look quite unattractive, but I work with children all day.

A few months ago, she actually took me to the store and bought me a few pairs of pants and several shirts to interchange with the pants. She even bought me a nice pair of tennis shoes. I felt bad when she reminded me. Maybe she's right. It takes effort to look nice 'everyday'.

It just got me to thinking about 'why' I don't take the time to invest in my appearance. I'm not sure whether I lack the confidence or the necessary means to make myself attractive. These days, money is a factor to everything. I feel exhausted much of the time. Often times, I am in pain. I'm constantly working on finances, from home modifications to groceries, not to mention everything inbetween. I deal with a multitude of kids on a 'daily basis'. It takes too much brain work to consider my appearance when I spend 90% of my life in my home.

I don't have a problem with my appearance until I go out in public. Those are the times I actually invest in my appearance.....well, sometimes :). I really don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't need any added entities in my life...lol!, from being invited to places, to making new friends to attracting the opposite sex. Going places cost money. I honestly can't afford new outfits, concert tickets, buying drinks and/or dinner, etc. I simply can't afford it, so I avoid it all together.

Though I don't think she intended to hurt my feelings, it really did hurt alot. I truly try not to complain. However, I feel those around me, friends & family, do not understand. I have grown accustomed to pretty much to keeping to myself. Unless others walk in another person's shoes, they really don't understand. When one tries to explain, others tend to hear what they want to hear and become quite critical. I've been in such situations many times. Explaining just doesn't work.

I think my daughter feels that I am unhappy. Sometimes, I am. Buying the clothes is her way of trying to give Mom a taste of happiness. Her way of making Mom feel better. I do not want her carrying that burden. It is not her job to take care of me...not until I'm in a convalescent home :). I love her for caring about her mother...sniff*

I've always had an underlying current of depression since I was about 16 years old. I have come to accept it. I work around it in my daily life by keeping my world simple and uncluttered. Sometimes, I do good just to make it through the day.

Sometimes, others just do not understand. We can only do our best with what we have. Yes it hurt, but I really don't think she meant any harm....I love her for caring.

Major Schedule Change

School is back in and I'm doing after-school-pick ups again. This time, my daycare school aged boy has started jr. high. He gets to the bus stop at 2:10pm. Last year, in elementary school, he got there at 3:20pm.

This causes a huge problem with both the day care preschoolers' naptime and with picking up my son from high school. The 2:10pm pick up time cuts a whole hour off naptime for the preschoolers. I have to wake them up an hour earlier, load them in the van, then pick up the boy. We come home for another hour, then REload everyone AGAIN to go pick up my son.

This is tuesday, wednesday and friday schedule. Friday is not so bad. However, tuesday and wednesday are late nights. Yesterday was the first time on this new schedule. The boy's mother did not tell me he had to be picked up at 2:10pm until 2:00pm!! Yes, extreme last minute!! I had to rush to get the preschoolers and the baby up. Poor kids!...they were all in such a peaceful, deep, relaxed sleep...lol. They sat int he van looking lost and disoriented, lol. These are not my kids in this picture, but it gives you an idea of naptime for them.

My school boy was very animated and excited about the pros and cons of jr high school...of course, no recess, lol. He was extremely talkative. After picking up my son, I had everyone settle down to watch a movie so that I could get my focus to fix dinner for the late nighters.

All day long, my grandson was a total stinker! He had Nana-itis and wanted Nana to hold him. I have never really done that because I don't want him to be spoiled. For some reason, that is what he wanted yesterday. My only thought, after checking his diaper, feeding him and cuddling him for a bit, was that he missed his mommy. At the last minute, her job called her in to work another shift. She made it home about 3:00 this morning. She works graveyard.

When I finally got to sleep, the phone kept ringing every couple of hours. I'd get up to answer it (my phone is on the other side of the room) only for it to be a fax machine!! Finally, I called the operator to see if anything could be done. She told me I can call another number...don't think so at 2:30am! I just unplugged the phone which I was very uncomfortable doing. Never know when an emergency might arise. Shortly afterwards, my daughter gets home and I am awakened by her activity in the bathroom as he turned on the light. From that point on, sleep was just not happening....Grrrr!

I will have to pace myself today. Coffee is defnintely on the menu for breakfast. Today is pretty much a repeat of yesterday with the pick up schedule and the late nighters...Uggghhh! Will have to think of a remedy...quick! Maybe my older son can pick up my daycare boy and I can pick up my youngest son from school...:)! Ooooh! that just might work!

Thanks for listening...:)

A Note For My Daughter

I've decided to find a poem and make a special note for my dear daughter. She is definitely not the 'mushy' type. Expressing words of adornment or appreciate to her is not exactly comfortable for her. At the same time, she so totally appreciates it in her heart. She cherishes things like gifts and child memories, songs, and events.

I'm not particularly creative when it comes to poems. So, I have found a few that I will put together to make my own. Then I will make a card for it. I just want her to know how special she is to me and how proud I am of her with all that she has been through. I want her to know how I appreciate her strength to overcome so many battles that she has been through at such a young age.

This is what I am going to do...:) I'm going to stop now before I get tearful!

The Inspection

The guy inspecting the house got a spur up his rear and deemed the inspection as inconclusive. He suddenly became annoyed and picked on small things that delayed the completion of the inspection. Ok... you know me, can't accept that. It's fine he is having a bad day, however, I have a mission to complete.


I made a few phone calls to the office and we are going to work things out via fax. The rep at the office was awesome...:) Apparently, this inspector tends to change personalities from time to time. They said he tends to be "like that" sometimes. I remained professional and calm. Getting upset would only make everyone involved angry. They told me to have the tenant sign the form once the electricity is turned on. Then fax it to me. I will sign it and fax it to the office.


The rep was such a sweetheart. She said she will get the paperwork through the process as fast as she can. Patience is certainly a virtue! If you don't possess it, experience will certainly teach you!

Update on Date St.

Things are finally starting to go forward with my rental unit on Date St. :). The exterminator came and I had a professional carpet cleaning done.

The contractor managed to get the toy that was jammed in the garbage disposal out and the sink in the bathroom flowing again! Electricity goes on today and we can try out the garbage disposal to determine if it needs to be replaced. He also replaced the cracked window in the front bedroom and painted & cleaned the cabinet under the kitchen sink where there was mold...Grrrr!

The inspector stopped by and acknowledged the work, which is a really good thing. He will be back today to complete the inspection. By tonight, the tenant can begin moving her things in!....YAY! The completion of this project will be a HUGE load of my shoulders. I did sleep better last night. My grandson seems to sleeping through the night these days :).

Both Monday and Tuesday, I worked 15- hour days. Yesterday was an 11 hour day. Today and tomorrow are 15-hour days. Today & tomorrow's 15-hour schedule won't be too bad. It's only one child and he is really, really well behaved. He has dinner, plays for a while, then I have him lay down to watch a movie till his mom comes. I have him upstairs in the loft where I can keep an eye on him while I do my own evening routine.

A place like this would be such a beautiful thing! It's been a long time since we've been camping....hmmmm, sounds like an idea that 'needs' to be developed into a reality!

Inspiration at Last!

I wanted to share with you all that I have been inspired, by many of you, to pick up my hobby again. Though I am not an "artist" with watercolors, fine markers and other paints, I like to crotchet.

Here is the pair of slippers I made for my grandson, freehand, no pattern. Yes, lol, they look kind of awkwardly shaped, but they fit well. Of course, he won't need them until winter time.

Here is the one of him walking down the hallway from the daycare room...lol! Sorry it's not too clear.

I videoed from my cell phone, then emailed it to myself and downloaded it to the blog. It was fun playing around with it. Never did that before. Feeling pretty proud of myself....:)

The Little One

Well, my grandson is now 10 months old as of this past monday. It seems, over the past few days, he has really mastered the whole walking thing!...lol! He also has what we call the "spider crawl" cause that's what he looks like when he doesn it....:)

Update on the Creatures

I did find an inexpensive exterminator. He even cut the initial treatment from $110 to $60 with treatments every three months for $84. I think that's a really good deal. He said in order to be absolutely sure the creatures are gone, he'd have to treat a few more times. I will stay on contract for about 6 months then I will cancel. Prior to the last tenant, we've never had issues with creatures. I don't want to pay for something I won't need. Should it become an issue again in the future, I can always sign up on contract again.

Ok....I speak to the company, Lloyd's Pest Control. We agree to do the contract via fax. I set up my fax machine and Arthur faxes the contract so I can sign it and fax it back. I'm thinking we are finally on our way to resolution.

Well, the fax comes, but I am out of ink!....Ugh! So, with money being tight, I send my boy to Walmart for the ink. Walmart is out of it. They suggest Staples. So off he goes. That location is out of it too! They were nice enough to call the next location and have them to hold one for us. The blasted ink refill cost $49.00! Ghee! Could it possibly be anymore expensive for a black ink refill?!!

Didn't have time to worry about the cost. In the meantime, I called Lloyds to see what time they close for the day. By now it was about 4:45 pm. They close at 5:00 pm. They said it was ok and that they will still go out to the house. At the time I called the company, my son was trying to call me and said that the fax was interrupting the phone line (my fax and phone are the same line). So, dummy me, I unplug the fax machine and lost the contract that was stored in memory!!...lol! It was the end of the day and I was very tired...lol!

As we speak, the fax in being re-sent. By the end of the day, we should be nicely squared away. Treatment will be done, house aired out and the tenant can move in...:). That is the goal of the day.

Positive thoughts and prayers!

Hanging in there!

Yesterday was a busy, busy day! Looks like today will be the same. Only way to fix it is to "fix" it...lol.

It started out with the rental unit in San Diego. This last tenant, who has been in the process of moving out for the past week, was so filthy. This house has been in my family for four generations. It has been rented out on many occasions. My children and I lived in it for 17 years. The house has never had roaches!

The roaches were so bad in this house until they were crawling in the tenant's bed and in the refrigerator!...yes, alive in the refrigerator! Once she emptied her belongings from the house, it was then that I saw the true magnitude of the problem. Two weeks ago, upon assessing the house for the prep for a new tenant (yes, I evicted this tenant), every kitchen cabinet has massive amounts of roaches..each cabinet. I had my contractor put 12 foggers throughout the house. I took pictures just in case I should have to go to court.

My regular contractor is out of town until the 14th. So, I am using another contractor. The more he inspects the house, the more things he finds broken i.e. both toilet seat screws are missing, the garbage disposal is broken, someone kicked in the bedroom door leaving the door mildly cracked around the door knob, we won't talk about the backyard!

Well, I finally gave in to an exterminator. He said the foggers won't even touch the eggs and they won't kill the roaches unless they have direction contact with the poison.

If all goes well, this should all be over by 5pm tomorrow!

Playing Around

I am just tickled pink that my daughter showed me how to put an animated picture onto my blog page. As you all know, I do child care. I thought it would be kinda nifty to have my webpage link on my blog :). I was getting a little puzzled because I know how to put pics on there and I thought an animated one should be similar if not the same. I kept trying to figure it out.

As usual, you know how our kids can be when it come to computers...LOL! My daughter took a look at it and it was quite a simple step! I am so excited! I do realize the people on the blogs are typically not from our own cities, but it is fun just knowing it is on there :).

Prevention

Ok Ladies,

I'm sitting here feeling oncoming symptoms of pre-pms. It is really not a good thing when preventive measures, to avoid 'most' of the discomforts, are not working. What is a girl to do? It's like knowing why you feel the way you do, but being totally unable to do anything about it while, all the time, you are being effected by it....depressed, in pain, bloated, irritable, etc. All you can tell yourself is, "Oh, it's just that time of the month." Then spend the next 3 to 7 days dealing with it!....Ugh! All this while running a child care!

Those over-the-counter pills have never worked for me. Unfortunately, what does work is that of two heating pads, one on the front and one on my back, and laying down. After a day and a half of that, I'm usually good to go. Moltrin or Extra Strength Tylenol helps with the pain but not enough.

Okay, okay... I got that out and off my chest. Now it's time to go deal with it. I'm still in the "pre" stage....lol! I just had a huge cup of hot, lemon tea. Oh yeah, I'm fighting a cold too. Time to put everything in slow, minimum gear and take it one step at a time.

Gotta do this thing, ladies!

1. I enjoy counseling with people to help them see a different perspective.

2. I totally love my family even though they drive me crazy sometimes

3. I am disappointed in myself because I am afraid to start new projects for fear of not completing them

4. I really do enjoy crafts. I was very crafty in my earlier life i.e. drawing, crotcheting, gardening, etc.

5. Children are awesome little humans that need a lot of direction with tender love and care...and a smigdeon of discipline :)

6. Pets are awesome too because they are so loyal and can make us feel good

7. I want to thank KT for sending me my first blogger's award!

Here's my first time....

1. I look forward to Linda and Her Twaddle blog because of her light hearted honesty about the family and her world.

2. KT's Sassy Blog is filled with energy and exploration that should we should never let end in our lives.

3. I can really, really relate to Fat, Frumpy and Fifty. I go through many of the same phases in my life. Learning to embrace them.

4. I find A Working Mother's Chatter to be so calm and sweet as she adores being a mother to her toddler son with a new little one on the way.

5. I admire Elvie Studio for all her creativity and enthusiasm for life

My Oldest Son

My son has finally realized the error of his ways...lol. He seems to be ready to straighten up and fly right now. However, there is a trail of errors to be corrected as well.

Almost a year ago, his dad and I agreed to send him to live with his dad. I have done the primary raising of the kids. Dad has a tendency to have very high expectations. However, what he is trying to implement is good but it would be better if dad would "teach" our son rather than bark at him.

My son once said, "Mom, I'm too old to be a kid and too young to be grown man. It's like I'm in the middle." I explained to him, "This is the time where you let your parents 'teach' you various elements of life as they occur." i.e. paying bills, car repairs, buy groceries, etc. Most of the time, I feel, young adults need to go through new experiences step by step with guidance from their parents. To just "tell" them what to do and expect them to do it, can be confusing and overwhelming.

At this point, I think this is my son's delima with his dad. So, what my son does is calls me and I give him directions on what his dad is telling him to do. Then I call dad and get more details. Eventually, it all works out. I usually end up getting everyone on the same page.

So, ladies, divorced or married, it seems our job is to make sense of confusion in the family. If you are divorced and have children, you are still connected to that mate through those children. It is very important to be able to communicate and interact at a minimum basis for the sake of the kids. I feel my ex and I have achieved this very well.

No offense to the husbands, but the wives tend to be the "brains" behind the family....lol!

Hello Blog World

Hello Blog World Friends,

I'm still hanging in there. Thank you for your responses and support. I've finally got the packet in for the modification. There are a few more things I need to get to them. They are small things that make a big difference.

I think I will be able to pay the mortgage this month. It just kills me not to pay any bill, let alone the mortgage! The bills are all up to date and current. I did manage to get my Chase Mastercard interest rate dropped from 19.99% to 6.0%. That was a major task, but it's done.

I've been getting calls for the daycare, but for some reason, the parents don't follow through with thier appointments. I have lowered my rates, but I can't afford to lower them anymore. I can only say that those were not the children for me for whatever reason. I must remain patient and hopeful.

Yes, I have been looking at other employment options. Not many available. What little is available would be at a much lower pay rate. When you consider travel costs, wardrobe, etc., a lower pay rate is not an option. I'm still looking at other employment possibilities.

My grandson is doing very well. He is trying to walk now, taking as many as 5 or 6 steps. He has gotten quite long and tall. His father has been more active in his life. Says he is trying to get himself together. Has a job and is renting a room with a roommate.

I have become so spoiled from the help I've been getting from my sons in taking care of my grandson. Since school has been out, they have been awesome in helping out around the house and helping with the baby. I paid my youngest son $25 week to look after the baby during day care hours. This has made a tremendous difference in my ability to focus and get things done. I'm even more rested at the end of the day. It has really woked out well.

Keep the prayers and the happy thoughts coming...:)