Time for New Dosage

Well, my morning regime of lemon tea, supplements and decongestant has worn off. I am feeling quite fatigue and sleepy. I can feel the congestion building up again. The day did not go quite as I anticipated. My grandson has been fussy today. I don't think he feels too good. He's been coughing a bit. It's also possible he is teething. The daycare kids behaved very well, so that was a help. They have been coughing too.

I kind of think we are all coughing because I recently signed up a new 2 1/2 year old boy whose mom doesn't want to provide him with his second set of immunizations. His nose runs constantly. She claims he was a lot worse and that he is at the tail end of his illness. I didn't think too much of it because I do have an allergy child whose nose will do that and none of the other kids have gotten sick.

This mom says she is afraid to provide him with the immunizations because there is research that supports that some children turn autistic as a result of immunizations. I called licensing and they said this is true and there are tons of parents that do this. There is actually a affidavit for the parents to sign and to allow the kids to be enrolled.

So, I spoke with the mom and let her know that I spoke with licensing. I informed her that, for the sake of the other kids in the daycare, she needs to take her son to the doctor just to have him checked and to make sure he is not contagious.

Unfortuately, I think, if he is contagious, the damage is done. Fortunately, he only come three days per week.

Video Games

As you can see in my last entry, I posted a pic of a video game system (however old it looks). As I searched for a decent picture o f a video games, I was totally shocked at the violence these games portray for our children! :0.

As I mentioned, I am an extremely anti-violent parent. "I" choose the games for my children. They get a lot of sports and racing games. Yes, they get bored but that's a good thing because it will discourage them from playing for long periods of time. I limit the number of days per week and the number of hours per session.

When you think about it, kids are playing these games for hours and hours! What is the effect on their subconscious in terms of violence? Some of these games literally mimic blood, shooting with ALL kinds of guns and cutting with blades, swords and knives. Some use aliens or space equipment, yet some use human beings. Doesn't matter, it is still violence!! Some of the figures are down right satanic!!

One might say, "It's just a game." I believe anything used in excess can have a significant effect on one's behavior. It's like desensitizing the brain. If you see it or do it enough, it means nothing to the person. Some of these kids are very, very young. The actions in these games comes out in their play i.e. shooting, stabbing, explosions, etc.

It seems we have gone from the violence of cowboys and indians and army soldiers to high tech slauder!!! Younger children can be totally effected by this madness i.e. nightmares, behavior, monsters, etc. Older kids have enough to deal with trying to figure themselves out during teenhood. Teenagers tend to go through a whole lot of emotional transitions. Video games seem to influence anger in teenagers.

It's like when you go to a movie that takes place in New York. If the movie makes you feel good, warm and fuzzy, you almost want to go to New York and be in the place, at a minimum you would want to watch the movie again.

How do kids feel when they walk away from these video games? Does their state of mind, prior to playing the game, effect how they feel as well? Maybe I'm just being a mom, but I don't think so....Hmmmm....interesting

The Weather

By the end of the day yesterday, I felt just awful. I organized the kids and got them squared away. They did very well.

My 10 year old was extremely well behaved today...quite usual. He did ALL of his homework in a very focused manner, had his snack and went in the backyard to play basketball. His 2 year old sister behaved well as well. She is learning to follow instructions much better and learning to be much less violent...lol! I had both of them late night.

When my boys got home, my 17 year old played video games with the 10 year old. I am super anti-violent and I limit their time on the video games. It went well. The 2 year old, I gave her some toys and put her in the playpen so that I can bathe by grandson. After bathing my grandson, I also gave him to my 17 year old. My goal was to get them all in a safe place so that I could take a hot bath.

It's been a long time since I was able to take a "relaxing" hot bath. If I am not organzied enough, I have to rush my bath which totally defeats the purpose. I come out clean, but stressed out.

Once I got out of the tub, I set up the vaporizor, took some supplements, a decongestant, made some lemon hot tea and pulled out the heating pad. My grandson fell asleep just before the 10 and 2 year old went home. Once they were gone, I scooped my grandson up and put him in his bed, then crawled into mine with the heating pad. It felt sooooo goood!!

This morning, I did feel my symptoms, but I did feel better. It's hard to explain. The congestion was there, but mildly. I'm thinking the supplements, vaporizor, etc. kept things to a minimum. I'm one of the millions of folks with no medical insurance. I'm really hoping to turn this around. I can go to the clinic, but they seem so limited and costly.

Today should be an easy day. Only have two, well-behaved little boys and my grandson. I think today, while they nap, I will lay down. I won't sleep, but I will rest.

Moving On

I would like to thank you all for your comments and your honesty regarding my situation with this man. It was really helpful and confirming to my own thoughts. I haven't heard from him. I'm sure somewhere down the line, I will begin to capture those good memories and want to call him. However, the more I think about his behavior and how he lied to me, the easier it gets to accept that I am done with him. As for today, I feel good about where I am with this issue. I feel like I made a good move because I did it for me.

Though I feel good emotionally, my allergies are a wee bit worse. I plan to stop by the drug store and pick up some Night Quil. That seems to work really well for me. During the day, I drink a lot of lemon tea to help my throat, chest and cough.

I will have a full house today of all my children. Being that my allergies are so present, the plan is to feed the kids first, then take them outside to play. The weather is supposed to be a bit cooler today. When I do it this way, it provides incentive for those little ones who take forever to chew their food...lol! They realize in order to go outside to play, they must finish their food...lol! Works really well

Follow Up to "Just a Question"

I had a conversation with this so-called friend of mine. I told him exactly how I feel and I can no longer pretend that I am ok with how things have been going. I told him I can not pretend anymore that I'm ok just because he apologized a few times.

He said he has been trying to "make it up" to me, but that's crap because that is what he use to say back in the day. He has told too may lies. He did admit that he did keep some information from me but he tried to belittle it by saying "That's neither here not there." In my opinion, it is "right here" because I was the one who he lied to. I was the one effected by his lies. I hope I am not whinning. If so, please forgive me. I am highly p***ed off, extremely angry! I felt no remorse as this conversation took place. I felt/feel he got what he deserved. I'm not the cussing type, but I was definitely forthcoming with my expressions to him.

In conclusion, I did not rehash all those issues. I simply told him, in order for me to be ok with him, I need him to confess his lies, to admit he lied and agree what he lied about. He asked, "How am I supposed to do that when I can't remember what issues you are talking about?" I told him, "Sorry, I can't help you with that."

I am to the point, if the friendship is lost, then so be it. When it comes a time that you think about a person and you get a very negative feeling in your gutt that grows and grows, it is time to let go. It feels very similar to when I was done with my ex. I worked on our marriage for 4 long years without his cooperation.

I think it wouldn't bother me so much if he wouldn't ask me to marry him. It's like he's using the proposal like a bandaide, a fix-all when, in actuality, open heart surgery is required.

Thanks for listening.

Movie Question

I just finished watching "Kiss the Girls" with Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd. Fascinating suspense movie. Love me some Morgan Freeman :)!

Anyway..... :), as a detective, of course, he made mention that the guy who was "collecting" the girls had killed two of them because they were "defiant" and the others he spared their lives because they were submissive. This man was attracted to intelligent, professional, beautiful women, but it was their submissiveness that he really liked because it allowed him to have that control, which Ashley Judd lacked as a doctor/martial artist.

My question is, if you found yourself in such a situation (I will not spell it out because it is not that serious), would you be fisty/deviant or would you be submissive/obedient? I found myself asking this question to me. I think I would be so scared, I wouldn't be able to think straight. I have no idea how to fight. If someone hit me, I'd probably drop to the floor!...unless it involved my children!!! So I'd probably be the submissive/obedient one.

Hmmm.... interesting.

Just a Question

I want to pose a question, yes it's a personal question that I would like other opinions on, but first I must explain how this all came to be. Please be patient.

I have a friend, an older man (13 years older than me) whom I have known for the past 13 years. I met him one year following my divorce. He was in the beginning phases of his divorce. We became very good friends, even to this day. At some point, feelings of friendship began to become twisted, yes "twisted", into feelings of romance that neither of us wanted.

At the time those twisted feelings arose for me, I brought it up to him. He refused to talk about it. I wrote him hand written letters (every single one he has kept, approx. 22 of them) and I sent him emails all of which he has also saved. My explanation was that of I did not want the relationship to go in that direction and that we needed to discuss it or I'd have to cut it off.

As time went on, we'd talk about it but not indepth. He preferred to let it take it's own course. I prefer to get an understanding to avoid confusion. He continued to skirt the issue. I began to pull away and distance from him. Then we'd talk a little and he would go back to skirting the issue. I might inform you also that he lived/lives the kind of lifestyle that he has access to all kinds of beautiful women, women that are more his type. Trust me when I say, he was out there chasing panties!

After doing this little game for approx 8 years!, I began to think something was wrong with me!! I went to counseling to get a non-biased voice, to stay focused and to cut him off. Out of that came an agreement to "try" to be friends. One year later, I moved about an hour away from him (a VERY good thing). My moving was the best thing I could have done!

For the past 6 years, I have pretty much cut him off with exception of occasionally getting together to talk or have dinner. This man has asked me to marry him 5 times! I believe it is because now he has retired on disability having had surgery to both knees. He has began to settle down and doesn't want to be alone. He has gone from an apartment to a room at his son's house. His son is usually not at home, travels a lot.

Question is.....Should I continue to let him ask me to marry him or should I bring all this madness back to the surface and make him face himself? I don't have those kinds of feelings for him, nor would his lifestyle work for me. I will admit, a large part of me is becoming quite annoyed because he wants to act as if he has no idea of where I stand. He wants to have selective amnesia. This, to me, is what sneeky men do. They try to get over by brushing issues under the rug. The more he does this, the more I don't want to talk to him. He keeps bringing the "us" up and, for me, there is no "us". In order to explain that to him, I'd have to address all these past issues. I have explained, in a nutshell, that I could never trust him. He wants the opportunity to "make it up to me." I'm just not there in that space.

Comments please!!!